Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

eternally thankful

this is the fifth anniversary of the best and worst day of my life…this is
the day i stood in my living room with tears streaming down my face and begged
my husband not to leave…this is also the day that made me step back and take a
good, long look at myself in the mirror and realize my own faults…and this is
the day that i decided to make a change for me, for us and for our family…

one evening, not long after he left, i drove my car back a dirt road…followed the road to the top and pulled in to the perfect spot, nestled among trees and open fields…it was a gorgeous, clear night and the sky was filled with stars…i sat there that evening and cried for hours while talking to God like he was sitting in my car with me…that evening the seed of forgiveness was planted in my heart…

i realized my relationship with Jesus had taken a backseat to life, along with my marriage…actually, Jesus wasn’t even in the backseat, he was in the trunk…i did not have time for Jesus to trip me up when i was busy living the ways of the world…once i realized that, asked for forgiveness and started to nuture my relationship with Jesus THAT’S when things started to change, when i started to change…

there was never a doubt that i wanted to stand for my marriage, regardless of what the world told me to do…i knew that standing was what God wanted me to do and i never let the thought of divorce even enter my mind…i prayed, trusted God and knew His will would be done…i basically handed my marriage to Him and waited for things to be done in His timing, not mine…i was waiting for His intervention…

i
am so thankful that our love story didn’t end there, that it did indeed have
more chapters to it…the reward of restoration was well worth the wait…and i
am eternally thankful that our love was rescued by God ♥

Joshua 1:9

Have I not
commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be
discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you
go.

out for now
~kisses

[jetpack-related-posts]

channeling my inner prayer warrior

who in the world has a problem praying?  certainly not anyone i’ve met…our Pastor doesn’t, my mama never did, no one ever did on the waltons and even my littles don’t…so why did i?  a question i’d asked myself a million times inside my head…

when i was little and would pray before a meal, i had a prayer i memorized and just rattled it off…i knew that prayer by heart (and still do)…when i would get on my knees before bed it was kinda the same thing, i had a little checklist in my head that i would mentally go down every night…my prayers, though heartfelt, were never like having a conversation with God…

fast forward to my adult life…

for some reason i felt guilty for asking for things for myself during prayer.  i would gladly pray for everyone else but when it came to me, i just couldn’t do it.  i guess that probably goes back to my “don’t ask, wait for it to be offered” way of thinking.  to this day i will not invite myself to someones house, invite myself along on trips or even ask someone for a drink if i am at their house.  if you don’t offer i won’t ask.  and that way of thinking just spilled over into my prayer life.

i am also a worrier of ridiculous things, not one of my best qualities…so once i started having these conversations with God during prayer, i wanted to be sure i was listening to God…i would *think* i knew His answer and go that direction…and that is when my stress would take over…what if it isn’t really what God wanted but what i wanted and i’m just using God wanting it as an excuse for me to get what i want (imagine that read really fast without a breath taken)…yep, there is the devil putting that doubt in my head…i’ve had to learn to ask God to reveal His heart and just trust it, trust Him…

i’ve learned a few things.  God is ready.  accessible.  welcoming.  understanding.  accepting.  timeless.  spending time with your Father is easy.  breathe it in.  be still.  talk and listen.  give Him your burdens.  rest in His presence.  and embrace your inner prayer warrior.

out for now
~kisses

[jetpack-related-posts]