Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

i’m a crier

 
i am a heart on my sleeve kinda gal.
 
i am a cry when i’m sad, cry when i’m happy, cry when i’m angry or cry when i’m overwhelmed being.
 
i cry when someone tells me a touching story about their lives.  i cry when i share a piece of my heart with another person.  it fills me with waves of sympathy, empathy or gratitude and these emotions often manifest in the form of tears for me.
 
i’ll cry watching the final episode of a favorite tv series. i cry every single week when someone goes home on american idol. i cry every season at the final episode of real world, when they all have to say goodbye.

i’ll cry during a movie i’ve watched 245 times, at the exact same spot, and will continue to cry for the next 100 times i watch it. ps i love you…the notebook…steel magnolias…marley and me… big fat tear fest.

 
i’ll cry listening to a song.  sometimes it’s because of the lyrics, sometimes the melody.   sometimes it’s because of a memory the song brings to the surface.  music is so powerful – a song can truly bring you right back there. 
 
i’ll cry as.soon.as. i hear someone else crying.  after the first sniffle or after i see the first tear i am done.  doesn’t matter if i know you, doesn’t matter if i know why you’re crying…i’m just here to silently cry along with you.
i’ve also done my fair share of crying during church.  sometimes a hymn will remind me of a loved one who has passed away, a prayer will strike a cord in my heart of a sermon will resonate with me and the tears will flow. 
and since i’m laying it all on the line…yes, i cried when dumbledore died.  a more accurate statement would be i was a complete sobbing mess at that part in the book.
i’ve always been a crier.  when i was a little girl i cried when i watched winnie the pooh because eeyore was so sad.  his sadness made me sad for him.  and i cried.  i cried watching the muppet movie when miss piggie was mean to kermit.  she hurt his feelings.  his sadness made me sad for him.  and i cried. 
my tears have absolutely no filter.  it doesn’t matter who i’m with, who i’m talking to or what i’m doing.  as soon as i feel that little catch in my throat i know the flood gates are about to open. 
i understand that tears can make other “non-criers” feel uncomfortable.  i live with two non-criers and i’ve heard “mom, turn off the water works please” on more than one occasion.  i’ve been told by friends that i’m too emotional and i need to not take on others pain or sadness.  but, i’m about to be 37 years old…i’m fairly sure at this point in my life i’m not going to change.
i guess i just don’t see the point in swallowing your emotions.  God gave us these emotions and tears for a reason.  He built me this way.  if your emotions, whether it be sadness or joy, are strong enough to bring tears from your eyes then they don’t deserve to be stifled.  i don’t mean you should be a weeping mess all the time.  or that if you don’t cry that there is something wrong with you.  we are all built so differently that one persons reactions should never be compared to another. 

i guess what i’m trying to say is…

hi.  my name is amy.  i’m a crier.  and i’m officially embracing it.
out for now
~kisses
[jetpack-related-posts]

snow angels

it was a cold winter evening, the air was sharp and cut right through your clothes.  the day before a snowstorm had swept through followed by rain, leaving the snow capped with a thick crust of ice.  a crust of ice that was nearly impossible to walk on.

a huge challenge laid ahead, how to get these babies to the car without me falling down with them in my arms.  you might laugh and ask what kind of a challenge that is.  well, for this ungraceful mama, it’s quite a tall mountain to climb.  so with some genious insite (or so i thought at the time) i put the kids (then ages 1 and 3) in a sled and decided pulling them to the car was brillient. 

i sat joey in the back of the sled and jade in front of him, instructing him to hold on to her around her waist.  and with that we started on our journey, both kids giggling and enjoying their ride to the car.  half way there, YES, giving myself a little high-five inside my head.

now we were at the tricky spot, the little hill leading to the driveway.  this hill was so tiny that one big step and you were either up it or down it.  but the crust of ice on it made it very tricky and i knew my feet could go out from under me.  i instructed my husband to stand infront of me.  i was going to let go of the sled and he would grab it, no big deal.  that would leave me free to slowly go down the hill and if i fell, at least i wouldn’t be pulling the kids behind me.

so we sat up the big switch-er-roo, i stood on the hill with my husband in front of me.  literally five feet or less from me.  i let go of the sled.  i watched it go down the tiny hill and remember thinking how strange it was that they were picking up speed so quickly.  my husband reached down to catch the sled and missed.  when his hand bumped the sled, it pointed it in a different direction.  the sled with my two precious babies was now headed directly for the busy road in front of my house.

in that instant, my heart sank.  i looked to the bottom of the road and my worst fear came to life, a big 18 wheeler rounded the turn.  as i’m watching my babies head directly for the road, i’m watching an 18 wheeler come closer and closer to my precious cargo.  no matter how loud i screamed, it didn’t slow down their sled.  my husband was trying to run to them but kept falling on the ice.  i watched the sled leave the yard, go onto the road and go directly into the path of that truck.  somehow, by the grace of God, he saw them at the last possible second.  that amazing driver swerved into the other lane and missed them.  as soon as he was past them, i was there.  i threw my body over them just as another triaxle rounded the turn.  i staid right there overtop of them, praying and protecting them like a mama hen with her chicks under her wings.  thankfully that driver also saw us and swerved into the other lane.

can you say close call, wow.  we took the kids inside to check them over and make sure they were okay.  and to let mom and dad breathe.  i remember how my legs felt just like jello, hardly even holding me up.  amazingly, neither kid had even a scratch on them! 

fast forward about a year…this is a conversation i had with joey when he was around age 4…

joey:  mama, remember the night jade and i were in the sled and went on the road
me:  yes joey, i remember (how could i ever forget!!)
joey:  were you in the sled with us?
me:  no joey, i wasn’t
joey:  was daddy in the sled with us?
me:  nope, he wasn’t either.  it was just you and jadie
joey:  then who was sitting behind me in the sled with their arms around me?  they were holding us in the sled.
me:  (trying to talk through a cracked voice as tears rush my face) i’m not sure joey, but i would say an angel

even now, 12 years later, thinking of that evening coupled with that conversation with joey still brings tears to my eyes.  this mama is still so thankful for snow angels!!

out for now
~kisses

[jetpack-related-posts]