Something big is changing inside me.

It’s as quiet as it feels beautiful, exciting and odd.

For weeks, I have felt God pursuing my heart.

At first, I thought He was calling me here, to write more.  At least that’s what I had hoped.  I opened a new post and stared at the stark white screen.

No divine words.  No quiet voice nudging me in any certain direction.  No verses that instantly came to mind.

Nothing.

Still, the feeling was there.

And I grew frustrated.

God, listen, you’re going to have to be a little clearer here.  I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me, and I’m way too busy to keep trying to figure it out.

A few days later I received a phone call from my doctor, asking me to come in.  I didn’t have an appointment scheduled, and could instantly feel my stomach start churning.

As my nervousness took over, I decided to pray the entire way there.  I prayed that whatever unknown this appointment held, that I would know it was Gods will.

The doctor walked in, sat down, and told me he could no longer be my doctor.

Instantly my heart felt peace.

In the days that followed, God revealed why He was pursuing me.

God is longing to be more than words on a blog, to be more than a Sunday morning service and to be more than a flashy Instagram post.

He wants to be my destination.

He wants to be where I run to every morning when my eyes open.  He wants to be where my mind drifts to during the day.  He wants to be in the words I speak.  He wants to be in the songs I listen and sing along to.  He wants to be what I cling to on the days the pain feels overwhelming.

He wants me to be intentional, to stop and listen to His voice.  Today.

He wants me to know I can bring the truest, deepest, most honest struggles to His feet and know He loves me.

I’m going to be honest, sometimes I feel trapped in a world of endless pain, endless sickness, endless doctor appointments and endless surgeries.  It’s full of sorrow and loneliness.

But, if I stop and intentionally listen, I can hear Him whisper I love you.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

And I know, even now, God is pursuing my heart and writing my story to completion.  So, I’m choosing to stay in this with Him by my side.  To pray through the pain.  To cling to the promises.  To run to Him daily.  To allow Him to fill my days with joy.  And to fight for hope.

I’m waiting, right here, taking His hand and allowing Him to finish the story and complete the redemptive work He has begun.  It may be painful, but it will be worth it.

Today is my thirty-something-kinda-ish-but-not-really birthday and I want y’all to come along with me as I take a glance back at the past year.  Thinking of what all this past year has held blows my mind.  Honestly, it’s been one of the most blessed years ever!  Though trying at times, I am overwhelmed with joy to see all that I experienced in the last 12 months!  So let’s go for a little time-travel and reflect on my journey.

August held a big, serious surgery for my Dad.  We had two out of town weddings, one spent with good friends and one spent watching my baby brother marry his sweet girl.  It was filled with lots of canning.  School shopping.  Spending as much time with my littles as I could before school started.  Excitedly watching my littlest start her senior year.  And a sad walk through valleys.

In September I participated in Blogtember by Brave Love Blog, and I enjoyed every day of it!  I gave a tour of my favorite room in my house.  We spent a week in the Outer Banks with our sweet, sweet friends and got to witness (and photograph) the beautiful joining of their families.  My blue-haired beautiful girl was choosen to be on Homecoming Court and was the first runner up.  We enjoyed a visit from our NY family.  We went to the truck pulls and had some yummy food.

October held 1 wedding, 6 senior sessions, 1 newborn session and 4 family sessions.  We had a big fall festival at church for the community.  Whew, what a busy month!  And I wrote about why I hate National No Bra Day.  And of course, pumpkin everything!

My November was spent being thankful for oh so many blessings in my life.  It also held 12 more sessions.  Putting our tree up.  Eye surgery for my Mama.  Black Friday shopping.  Christmas crafting began.  A wonderful, so needed weekend away with my love visiting one of our favorite places!  And amidst all the chaos, I wrote about being thankful for prayers along this medical journey of mine.

In December I was over-the-moon to have my Christmas spirit back, it felt magical!  But I felt it important to tell others it’s okay if Christmas makes you sad.  A college tour with my oldest.  Being part of the Christmas Program at church alongside my girl.  Christmas caroling.  Making our Christmas cards {one of my fav things!}.  We had an amazing, blessed Christmas.  I wrote about overcoming rejection.  I was reminded of how blessed my marriage is, and that every marriage is worth saving.  And I wrote about living life with Adhesion Related Disorder.

This January held another surgery for me.  Praise the Lord it wasn’t out of the state this time!  I enrolled my youngest in college.  I shared my favorite bread machine recipes.  And I had my first guest blog post.

Oh February, the month of love.  I had my busiest February yet with 5 sessions.  I wrote about praying with your husband.  A surprise birthday party for my uncle.  We started prom dress shopping for my youngest little.  And I wrote about how to have a marriage that is called relationship goals.

March held a cake smash and my first ever milk bath session.  More eggs set in the incubator.  My boys going away for a weekend gun show.  Celebrating my parents Love.  And I struggled with facing criticism.

In April we hatched out more babies.  A baby shower for a sweet girl.  A weekend away with family visiting our Aunt and Uncle from Texas.  Easter.  I wrote a letter to my son’s sweet girlfriend.  And spent another weekend away with my love!

May was full of fun!  Celebrating Mother’s Day.  Prom x 2, with my girl being on prom court.  Three birthdays.  Lots of pictures.  And I spent some time canning chicken, chicken broth and baked beans.

In June my baby girl graduated high school.  I’m not sure how we got here so quickly.  And I wrote her a letter.  I had my first wedding of the year.  School was over, and my littlest was home with me and working nearly every day.  We had a combined graduation party for her and my sons girlfriend, and our NY family staid with us that weekend.  Joe and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary, which prompted me to write 21 marriage tips.  My sweet Dad turned 81!  A week of Bible school, and taking on the task of puppets and the kitchen.  Father’s Day.  A surprise two day trip to Illinois with my oldest.  And I wrote to the wives that just found out about infidelity.

July held the best family vacation ever.  EVER.  It was epic.  I had dear friends of mine in a horrific car accident, and spent as much time as I could with them.  I was able to attend my nieces wedding as a guest, and not take my camera along.  And lotsa lotsa lotsa pictures.