Something big is changing inside me.
It’s as quiet as it feels beautiful, exciting and odd.
For weeks, I have felt God pursuing my heart.
At first, I thought He was calling me here, to write more. At least that’s what I had hoped. I opened a new post and stared at the stark white screen.
No divine words. No quiet voice nudging me in any certain direction. No verses that instantly came to mind.
Nothing.
Still, the feeling was there.
And I grew frustrated.
God, listen, you’re going to have to be a little clearer here. I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me, and I’m way too busy to keep trying to figure it out.
A few days later I received a phone call from my doctor, asking me to come in. I didn’t have an appointment scheduled, and could instantly feel my stomach start churning.
As my nervousness took over, I decided to pray the entire way there. I prayed that whatever unknown this appointment held, that I would know it was Gods will.
The doctor walked in, sat down, and told me he could no longer be my doctor.
Instantly my heart felt peace.
In the days that followed, God revealed why He was pursuing me.
God is longing to be more than words on a blog, to be more than a Sunday morning service and to be more than a flashy Instagram post.
He wants to be my destination.
He wants to be where I run to every morning when my eyes open. He wants to be where my mind drifts to during the day. He wants to be in the words I speak. He wants to be in the songs I listen and sing along to. He wants to be what I cling to on the days the pain feels overwhelming.
He wants me to be intentional, to stop and listen to His voice. Today.
He wants me to know I can bring the truest, deepest, most honest struggles to His feet and know He loves me.
I’m going to be honest, sometimes I feel trapped in a world of endless pain, endless sickness, endless doctor appointments and endless surgeries. It’s full of sorrow and loneliness.
But, if I stop and intentionally listen, I can hear Him whisper I love you.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
And I know, even now, God is pursuing my heart and writing my story to completion. So, I’m choosing to stay in this with Him by my side. To pray through the pain. To cling to the promises. To run to Him daily. To allow Him to fill my days with joy. And to fight for hope.
I’m waiting, right here, taking His hand and allowing Him to finish the story and complete the redemptive work He has begun. It may be painful, but it will be worth it.
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