Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Just Between Us | Friendship

Ironically enough, I woke up that morning feeling brave.

I was exhausted and sick, not knowing why my body was fighting against me.  But amidst the chaotic, returning doctors phone calls and pouring over test results, kind of day, a passion stirred in my heart at the thought of being brave and telling my best friend how much I missed her.

I had thought of sending her flowers with a cute note, or writing her a letter that expressed just how very much our friendship had meant to me over the years.  But I settled on sending her a Facebook message expressing my feelings.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at my desk to begin my message.  A smile graced my lips as I thought of all the great times we had together, and I recalled them to her in my message.

As I bravely pushed send, and saw those familiar three bouncing dots pop up, I just knew she was going to return my sweet words with ones of her own.  And we would happily plan our next get together.

When the message appeared on my screen, I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.

“Have you thought of getting a job so you aren’t so lonely?”

She went on to say how my “neediness” was just a little bit too much for her.

I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.  My heart was so, so hurt.

That was the day our friendship died.

I experienced that deep-down, soul-altering, barely-can-breathe kind of grief that only comes through a heart-wrenching break up of a friendship.  It cut to the core, once again I was rejected.  It was almost as if I heard her whisper, “You aren’t good enough”.

The breakup with my best friend was one of the hardest, saddest valleys I’ve ever walked through.  The pain was real, and deep.  The tears would come without warning.  The waves of anger and confusion would crash daily.  My heart was shattered, and I felt so alone.

Female friendships can be hard.

Can I get an Amen?

I grew up as an only child.  Because I didn’t have siblings to love on or fight with, I clung to my friendships even tighter.  My friends were my siblings.  I grew up being absolutely devoted to my friends.  Having that mindset makes it even more difficult to lose a friend.

Relationships are important to all of us, whether we admit it or not.  They’re a gift and a responsibility from God.  But how can we build that relationship into a friendship that will last a lifetime?  I was yearning for what Anne of Green Gables calls a bosom friend.

God created women to crave deep personal relationships, so our friendships are a huge part of who we are.  Chances are, right now you’re either smiling because you’re thinking about your own best friend or you’re feeling sad because you wish you one.  Either way, your heart connects with the idea of friendship.

Friends are the family we choose for our self.  Isn’t that such a great feeling?  Friendships often produce the tightest bonds and greatest loyalties.  We walk through life with our friends.  They help shape our character, cheer us on from the sidelines and silently hug us while we cry.  We meet them at all different seasons of life; some have been with us since we were just wee ones and others we encounter later down the road.  No matter how they’ve entered our life, friendship is a gift from God.

Friendships, as with any relationship, have highs and lows.  There are times when the friendship might become strained or rifts might be created.  Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, unexpected act of disloyalty or a circumstance changed.  Suddenly, this person who we shared our life with now seems to be a stranger.  And if we all were truthful, we are hurt.  Really hurt.

Is the friendship lost for good?  Or is there a chance it can be saved?  There might be a little window of opportunity where reconciliation seems reachable.  When that happens, your first instinct is to grab onto it.  At the time though, it’s hard to see through the haze of hurt feelings.  The unspoken words and presumptions seems to echo throughout your mind.  When that happens we find it difficult to walk the path of restoration.  Have you found yourself at that place?  I think we all have at one time or another.

Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.  1 Samuel 20:42

How beautiful is that?  I mean, that’s Hallmark movie stuff right there. We have sworn friendship to each other in the name of the Lord. Doesn’t that just make you smile and make your heart happy?  Yeah, me too.  How many of us crave a friendship like that?  Those true, genuine friendships are one of life’s real blessings.

But how, how do you get a beautiful Anne of Green Gables worthy friendship?

Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you. When a friendship changes, it’s easy to look inward and ask yourself what you did wrong.  Instead look upward and assume that for now, God simply wants your attention elsewhere. Trust Jesus with your reputation as well as this situation.

Don’t be afraid to reach out first. This one is hard for me.  Whether I want to admit it or not, this girl can be so proud!  That certainly isn’t an endearing quality. God’s Word has much to say about pride.  When we love our relationships, we should have no room for pride and arrogance to creep in.  Regardless of who is to blame, when we are really serious about reconciling a friendship, we put aside our pride and sometimes that means being the first one to take the step towards restoration.  It might mean being the first one to apologize, even if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for.  Ask yourself how important restoration is to you.

Keep your circle broken.  I read this once and thought it was so beautiful.  We’ve all walked in to a room and saw circles of friends, circles that had no room in them for us.  Don’t be that person, keep your circle broken and always allow room for one more.  It reminds me never to be content in being comfortable with the friends I already have but to look for ways to be a friend to others who need one.

Let bygones be bygones. Those thoughts of revenge?  Not in this relationship!  And rehashing the issues over and over again?  No way!  They need disposed of.  With all that gone, God will start to work in both your hearts.  That’s how we need to be when we reconcile relationships.  Does God keep throwing our sins in our face?  Nope. He isn’t keeping tabs and neither should we. When you have finally decided to let it go, kick it out the door.  There is no need to pick it back up again.

Be friendly.  The easiest way to make friends is honestly to smile and be friendly.  I know it’s scary and risky, but we have to be willing to take that risk.  Talk to the new girl in your Moms group, invite your elderly lady to bible study and smile at that worn out Mama in the grocery line.  You never know who is looking for a warm smile, a kind face and a spot in your circle.

Be patient. Girl, if there is something I’m not good at it’s patience.  But we have to give friendship time to grow.  So many times we scare people away by setting our expectations too high too soon.  Give yourself time to get to know each other before you share the deeper things in your life.  When you give anyone some of your heart to a friend, you are giving that person a precious gift.  You want to make sure you are presenting it to someone who will treasure it.

I am so thankful to have an amazing group of girlfriends, my heart sisters, who I feel totally at home with. Some go back as far as when we were babies and our Mamas were best friends. I love friendships where there is a mutual felt sense of being able to truly relax, be ourselves and know that neither of us would do anything to harm the other. It just feels safe.  It’s like being wrapped in a fuzzy, warm blanket on a cold, winter’s day.

I would love to hear from you, what has helped you to navigate through friendships?

 

 

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Canning Homemade Chicken Stock

While I was growing up I was blessed to not only have a Mama that grew her own food, but canned it as well.  Not only my Mama, but all the women in my family.  Many family gatherings would include a circle of women chatting about their recent crops and what they were planning to can with them.  It was a given that once I had a household of my own, I would follow in all their footsteps.

And proudly, I have.

I spent the first 18 years of my canning life afraid of pressure canning.  I think we’ve all heard a terrifying story or two about Great Aunt Edith having her pressure canner explode on her.  With hearing stories like that, I had completely written off pressure canning.

As my garden grew every year, so did the items on my list to can.  Some of those items had to be processed in a pressure canner for safety reasons.

I finally talked myself into giving it a try.

The first time I took the pressure canner out of the box and sat it on my stove, I was nervous.  I wasn’t going to let my fear keep me from doing it, but a healthy dose of caution guided my every move.  I kept having visions of my day ending like Great Aunt Edith’s did: my wild imagination conjured images of explosions, the lid going through the roof, and shrapnel flying all over and through me that would lead to the headlines, “Woman Killed by Flying Tomatoes in a Pressure Canner Explosion.”

I made it through that canning session just fine, praise the Lord.

Pressure canning is not difficult, not dangerous and not all that time consuming.

For years when I made chicken broth I would put it into baggies and freeze it. I would fill the baggie, lay it flat to freeze and then find great satisfaction in how nice and neat they look when you stack them.

Except they are frozen.  And when I’m whipping up a recipe, I have to take time to defrost them.  As I’ve said here before, patience isn’t something I’m really good at.

I wanted instant chicken broth.

I am by no means a pressure canning expert.  But today, I’m going to walk you through pressure canning chicken stock.

First things first, you need to make your chicken stock.

Making Chicken Stock

Every time I cook a chicken, whether in my rotisserie or in the oven, I save every leftover bit and bone and broth and grease.  Or, as you saw last week, when I can chicken I save all the bits I don’t want in my jars.  I put it all in a large freezer-safe Tupperware container and put it in the freezer.  Each time I cook chicken, I pull the container out and add to it until I have what I think is enough to make stock.  Normally, once that container is full, I’ll pick a day I have free to can stock.  (You could also just go out and buy 2 stewing hens)

When I have a free day to make the chicken stock, I give myself plenty of time to cook it.  It’s not that it’s a lot of work, it just takes time.  I try to start mine earlier in the morning and allow it to simmer and reduce all day.  It probably isn’t a good idea to start cooking it at 9 pm, unless you like staying up all night and not sleeping.  It takes a minimum of 3 hours to turn bones into broth but I like to let mine go a lot longer than that.  The longer it reduces, the richer your broth will be.  That is when your broth turns dark, rich and into a stock.

Before starting your broth first gather your ingredients.  You’ll need onions, celery, garlic, carrots, salt and pepper.  Sometimes I also add a bit of celery seed and poultry seasoning.  And grab your container of chicken bits out of the freezer.

Put everything in a large stock pot.  Don’t worry about dicing or making your veggies pretty.  I just quarter the onion, cut the celery and carrots in half and let the garlic cloves whole.  Cover everything with water.  I put enough water so everything is covered by at least 3 inches on top.

Bring the whole thing to a boil, and then simmer for a minimum of 3 hours.  I let mine go for much longer than that.  This last time mine cooked for about 12 hours.  I’m not going to tell you to taste it to see if it’s done.  If you’ve cooked it for longer than 3 hours, it’s done.  Although I highly recommend letting it cook for longer than that.  At this point it’s more of a chicken stock. A more reduced, darker, stronger, thicker version of broth.  And amazingly yummy in recipes!

Now is the only “work” part this recipe really has.  After I simmer the broth down, I turn off the burner and let it cool.  This part also takes a few hours.  Once it’s cool, I strain it through a colander into a bowl.  Actually you’ll probably need a few bowls.  You don’t realize just how much broth you made until you get to this point.  I also strain mine a second time through cheesecloth to get those small bits that the colander let through.

Once you have the broth strained stick it in the fridge overnight to allow the fat to rise and solidify at the top.  If you’re like me, your fridge is full of 25 dozen eggs and fitting a big pot in there is next to impossible.  I separate mine into 2-3 large bowls and try to maneuver things around to make it fit.  The next morning, take it out off the fridge and remove the hardened fat with a spoon.

If you aren’t interested in pressure canning this broth, you can put it into baggies and freeze it.  I always measured mine out into 1 or 2 cup baggies and wrote on the front of the bag how much was in it.

Otherwise, let’s get on to canning!

Canning Chicken Stock

First, I use a Presto 23-quart pressure canner.  I love it, it’s easy to use and I’ve never had a single issue with it.

Once you remove the fat from the stock, put it on the stove in a pan and turn it on low heat.  You want to put it into your jars hot.  Also prep your pressure canner by putting it on the stove and putting hot water in it.  I just use hot tap water.  Make sure to read your directions for your specific canner to see how much water they advise.  I put 3 quarts of water in mine.  Also, to keep your jars from being “spotty” you’ll want to add 2 tablespoons of white vinegar to the water.  You’ll also want to simmer your rings and lids on the stove as well.

Gather up the rest of your tools that you’ll need.  You’ll need a funnel, magnetic lid lifter, a jar lifter and a large spoon.  Most hardware stores, and even WalMart, have canning kits.  The kits will have most of the supplies pictured below in them.

Fill your jars with hot broth.  Make sure you have 1″ headspace between the broth and the rim of your jar.  In canning, headspace is the amount of space you leave between the rim of the jar and whatever you’re filling it with.  Each thing requires a different headspace.  I found this handy dandy funnel that also has markings on the side to measure headspace.  Here is a little headspace chart to follow:

  • Leave 1-inch headspace for low-acid foods, vegetables and meats.
  • Leave 1/2-inch headspace for high-acid foods, fruits and tomatoes.
  • Leave 1/4-inch headspace for juicers, jams, jellies, pickles, and relishes.

Wipe the rim of the jar off.  Never forget this step!  Even when you’re using a funnel, you are bound to drip on the rim.  And if the rim isn’t clean, it won’t seal properly.

Using your magnetic lid lifter, pull out a lid from your pot of hot water and place it on the jar.

Put your ring on and finger tighten.  I use a towel or hot pad to hold onto the jar so I don’t burn my hand.  Don’t over tighten your rings.  Also, once the jars are sealed and cooled you can remove the rings.  The lids are what keeps the jar sealed.

Place the hot packed jars in the pressure canner.

The first thing you need to do is vent your canner.  Venting means getting rid of the steam inside the canner so you can build up pressure.  To vent, you put your lid on and make sure it’s sealed  (follow the manufacturers instructions for this as well) and turn the heat up to medium or medium/high.  You DO NOT want your weight on yet.  When steam is steadily coming out of the vent, set your timer for 10 minutes.  Once the timer goes off, you’re ready for the next step.

Put your weight on the canner, being careful of the steam that’s coming out, and wait for it to come to pressure.  Once it’s up to pressure, set your timer for the appropriate time below.  Remember to only start the timer once your canner is up to pressure.  Waiting for the canner to get up to pressure sometimes takes several minutes, and it will feel like time stands still.  Just be patient, it will get there.

  • 20 minutes at 11 lbs for pint jars
  • 25 minutes at 11 lbs for quart jars

You may need to adjust the heat up or down during this time.  If you see your pressure rising above what it should be, reduce the heat.  If you see it falling below what it should be, raise your heat.  I normally don’t leave my kitchen while I’m pressure canning, just so I can keep a close watchful eye on the pressure.

When your timer goes off, turn the stove off.  Actually, turn the stove off and walk away.  Go take a much deserved seat for a while.  You HAVE to leave the lid on and allow the pressure canner to return to normal pressure.  I just let mine sit for quite a while, an hour or so.  My canner is still setting on the stove, returning to normal pressure, while I’m writing this blog post.  Once the pressure is down to normal you can remove the lid and take your jars out.  I use the jar lifter to remove them.  And I always set them on a kitchen towel then cover them with another towel.  I don’t want them to cool down too quickly.

If you are new to pressure canning, I highly suggest purchasing a book on it.  There are some variables to consider, like altitude, and a book would be a great resource to get you familiar with pressure canning.

Sure, there are risks when it comes to pressure canning. There are also risks when you light a propane grill or walk to feed your chickens in the snow.

If you know what you’re doing and understand what you’re working with, the risk is considerably lessened. When it comes to pressure canning, the more I learned about canners and how they function, the less nervous I was. Pressure canning is a great item to have in your food preservation arsenal.

And nothing is quite as satisfying after a long, exhausting day of canning than seeing all those jars full of food you prepared with love for your family.

 

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Just Between Us | Self Worth

I’ve had an idea for a blog series churning for a while now.  And before my most recent surgery, I posted a question on Facebook in hopes other women would chime in.  And boy, did they ever!

The question I asked was what is something you wish women talked about more?

We are going to start this series with one I feel very passionate about, self worth.

First, let’s define self worth.  Worth signifies the value, merit, or significance of a person or thing.  The dictionary defines self worth as the sense of one’s own value or significance as a person.  The belief that your life has value.

Insignificant, invisible and insecure.  How many of us have felt that way at some point in our lives?  Girl, I know I sure have.

I have lived life in a size 12 body and a size 24 body, and every size in between.  I have been called fat, a cow and lots of other names I can’t say here.  I have been told I have such a pretty face, if I would just lose some weight.  Mean words that are said without a second thought, but they stay in my head for years.  I have carried oh-so-much shame around with me over those years.  And it seemed no amount of self-help books, dieting or trying to sort it out in my head ever worked.  I had an unhealthy and unfortunate amount of shame and self-loathing toward my body.  I could not imagine why God would give other girls perfect bodies then give me this one.  And to be honest, I was a little mad at Him for that.

The hurtful words said to us, abuse, rejection, and pain we’ve endured in our past can often lead to feelings of worthlessness in our present.

Learning to love myself, regardless of my size, was one of the most crucial turning points.

Let me share with you how I made that important shift in my thinking.

In our broken world, we often try to find our worth and purpose in the wrong places. But God, who created you and chose you, wants you to find your worth in Him.  Let me share three absolutely beautiful verses with you.  These verses show you exactly what God thinks of you, and just how much He values you!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:14

She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.  Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.  Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. Proverbs 3:15-18

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.  Song of Songs 4:7

Know whose opinion to value.  It’s not the guy you passed in the grocery store who said hateful words to you, it’s not your childhood friend who always compared your size to hers, it’s not your abuser…Gods opinion is the only one we should value and hear the loudest in our head.  You don’t have to be liked or approved of by others to feel valued.  God proved how valuable you are to Him by sending His Son to die for you. He wants you to live with Him forever.  Girl, you are of infinite value to God!  Read that again, infinite value.  You don’t have to live your life trying to keep everyone around you happy, just do what pleases God.

You can do all the things.  How?  Because Christ gives you strength!  Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Because you are loved by God, a daughter of the King, you can survive even if it seems that everyone else hates you.  Do you know how many people hated Jesus?  Loads and loads.  But that didn’t stop Him from living, and He continued to live in a way that pleased God.  He never doubted Gods unchanging love for Him, and because of that He could face the horrible abuse.  God will give you strength to carry on even when it seems like everyone around you disapproves.

Listen to my words sweet girl, we can all be confident. We can walk through this world with heads and hearts held high as daughters of the King. Daughters who are messy and broken. With Him, we are transformed into beautiful simply because we are His. Understand your identity in Him and the beauty and freedom He gives us and the love He extends to us.

Join me next Friday for another hard topic women wishes we talked about more.

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