Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

To The Wife That Just Found Out

This week many Christians were shocked at a blog post by Lysa TerKeurst.  Not only shocked, but manys hearts broke for her.  I follow Lysa on Facebook and saw her post there.  I couldn’t help but go to the comments, praying they would be supportive.  And in that comment section, my heart grew sadder.  So many wives were walking through the same valley of brokenness Lysa is.  My heart broke for their hearts.  I’ve felt the nudge for a few days to write this article and today, I knew it was the right time.

To the wife that just found out about her husbands unfaithfulness:

The silent burden you’re carrying seems too heavy to lift some days.  The hurt, the extreme hurt, seems to reach directly down to your bones.  The knife stabbing pains of a broken heart.  There are days where the pain literally takes away your ability to breathe.

Things that once looked so familiar to you now look like things you don’t even recognize.  The coffee pot he made coffee in each morning while he was lying to you.  The couch you snuggled on while watching tv while he was lying to you.  The stairs you both walked up to your bedroom while he was lying to you.  The socks he put on each morning while he was lying to you.  Literally every single item in your house is filled with lies.  And as you glance around each day, that is what you see.

Some might tell you to take comfort in knowing you aren’t suffering alone, that there are so many other women across the world {including Lysa TerKeurst} walking this same path.  You find no comfort in that.  None.  Truth is the valley you are walking through is dark, cold, lonely and so very scary.  Along the path is hurt, anger and bitterness.

Let me speak directly to your heart sweet girl.  God wants to hold your broken heart in His hands.  That is the only way.  Listen to my words and let me say it again…that is the ONLY way.  He can heal your broken heart and He will heal it.  But first, you must give Him all the pieces.  The challenge is first finding all of the pieces.  Like shards of broken glass, the pieces weave themselves so very deep into our hearts.  And Satan is right there, breaking the pieces smaller and hiding them better.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds
Psalm 147:3

The pain touches a deep, vulnerable place often known only to God.  When hurting is the only thing you can feel, it is such a lonely place to be.  So many times when we are going through pain, we are told to get over it, move on and let it go.  They don’t understand how slow this hurt heals.  The world offers so many ways to numb the pain, but they are only temporary fixes.  Please oh please don’t fall for that trap.  If we turn to them, then we aren’t allowing God to heal our hurt.  Allowing Him to search and heal our hearts is the only true way to have them healed.  Only He knows the deepness and complexity of our pain.

Psalm 56:8 says You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.  Our tears are not in vain.  God knows each of His children intimately, and every tear we shed has meaning to Him.  He remembers our sorrow.  And in the end, He will share His joy with us.  Revelation 21:4 says He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.  Sweet girl, find comfort in that.  Not only does he know your sorrow, but He will wipe every tear from our eyes.  Don’t suffer through your grief alone.  Don’t be unwilling to be vulnerable with God.  And please, even though you are angry, don’t blame God.  Give Him your heart, hand it over to Him to search and find all those little pieces of hurt and allow His hands to heal it as only He can.

Search me O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way
Psalm 139:23-24

When it feels like all hope is lost, hand that relationship over to God.  It’s so easy to make rash decisions while our heart is broken.  Many days, divorce sounds like the best and sometimes easiest option.  Hand it over to Him, pray about it and search out biblical council.  And maybe that will be the end result for your relationship.  If it is, cling to God like never before and allow Him to carry you through it.  I pray if this is the end result that you will be surrounded with grace and an enormous amount of love and support.

But maybe God has a beautiful reconciliation full of grace planned for you.  Often times the relationship, once it has endured the storm, will come out of it stronger and new.  Through all the conversations, all the deepness, you now know each other differently.  This is the blessing of true healing from the hands of God.  At times, taking it day by day seems like such a big task.  Just take it minute by minute, and allow His grace to carry you through each one.

I know even reading this post made your heart ache and the tears flow.  I wish so very much I could reach through this screen and give you a big hug and just cry with you.  One day the hurt will be a little less, I promise.  And that will feel like the first “good day” you’ve ever had.  And each week, there will be more glimpses of sunshine.  Eventually your good days will run together, and smiles and laughter will abound.  Trust me, you will get there if you allow God to heal your heart.  He brings beauty from the ashes.

You will move on past this.  You will hold your head high, knowing the storm may have knocked you down but it didn’t win.

Twenty-One Marriage Tips {For 21 Years}

Today I’m celebrating 21 amazing, hard, exhausting, lovely, fun, exasperating, learning, beautiful, blessed and love filled years I’ve been married to this man.

Here are 21 tips on how you, too, can stay married through season one of Survivor, 9/11, the breakup of The Jonas Brothers, the days of dialup, every season of Hannah Montana and the tongue out, car-wreck years of Miley Cyrus.

1. Hold hands. Sounds simple, till you’re hoppin’ mad or can’t agree on how to discipline the kids.  Do it anyway.

2. Go to church together. It’s the most important thing you’ll do all week.  Combine it with #1, trust me.

3. So help me, do not talk bad about him to others ever!  Build that man up.  Let him know that he is adequate, enough and that he has your respect.  The world will be cruel enough. Make sure he knows he always has a friend in you.

4. Have kids.  They’re hard as crap and will make you lose your mind, but man they make the journey so fun.

5. Let him buy the stinkin’ truck.  Better yet, buy it for him.  For goodness sake, it’s a truck not a private island.  And you know you’re gonna think your man is hot driving that truck.   Chances are you’ll even get to drive it a time or two.

6. Don’t pick up his wet towels, don’t match his clothes for him and don’t remind him to take his vitamins: you’re his lover not his mother.

7. But baby him a little!  Don’t be so hard on number 6 that you skip the softness and love of number 7.

8. Tell him he’s a good man, a great husband and an amazing father.  Tell him on days you believe it, so that you’re heart will be reminded of it on days when you wish he’d choke on his morning coffee.

9. Let him pick where you eat out.  Mostly because you’re completely indecisive, but it will earn you points!

10. Never ever talk about divorce.  Don’t ever treat it as an option.

11. Do things together.  Not every single thing, but some things!  Go for walks together, watch Big Brother together, take long drives down dirt roads together and make out together.

12. If he sits with you through The Notebook, sit with him though Mad Max: The Road Warrior.  Yes, you’ll hate your life and mentally plan your grocery list but boy will he appreciate it.   Make sure to look up every once in a while and act interested.

13. Kiss him.  If you don’t, someone else will be happy to.

14. I understand that listening to him chew gets on your nerves, but your constant whining gets on his nerves.  You’re even.

15. Let him be the man of the house.  Let him make decisions.  Sometimes you won’t agree, bite your tongue if you must, but allow him to shine.

16. Send him a little text for his eyes only.  Believe me, he’ll appreciate it.  But first, make sure he isn’t sitting in a business meeting in a room full of people.  Or that he hasn’t let his phone set on the kitchen table.  We’re trying to spark romance, not years of therapy for the kids.

17. Love his children well.

18. Be his best and most important friend.  Listen to him talk about his work day, his truck exhaust and the gun he wants to buy next.

19. Marriage counseling is not for babies, losers or emotional basket cases.  It’s for couples who think $80 an hour is nothing compared to getting to the 50 year mark.  It’s worth it and it works.

20. If you’re in a restaurant and you see your old boyfriend sitting across the way, look back at your husband and thank God for him.  Don’t think about what could’ve been.  Garth got that one right, thank God for unanswered prayers y’all!

21. Give the kids ice cream for dinner, turn on some Spongebob…and lock your bedroom door.  The house won’t burn down and ice cream won’t kill them.

Thank you for the last 21 years sweet boy. I’d repeat 19 of them in a second!!

An Open Letter To My Daughter On Her Graduation

Dear Jadie:

Love is not easy to put into words, especially a mother’s love, the depth of which is unfathomable.  From the very beginning, I knew you weren’t mine to keep.  When you were little, an amazing woman reminded me that you weren’t mine to keep, you had only been loaned to me by God.  And with that, I gave you to Him.  God’s grace is an active part of your life, has been from that day. His promises to us are your promises too.  They always will be.

From the moment you were growing inside of me, you’ve always done things your way and in your own time.  You weren’t going to let someone else decided what day you were bursting into this world.  You took your time, and decided two weeks later was a great time to make your debut.  Crawling, walking, talking…all done on your own time.  From the beginning, you were born with a desire to be different and stand out.

When I look at you now, gorgeous and confident, I don’t just see an seventeen-year-old girl, I see you in all of your life’s stages at once.  I see you as a newborn in my arms while I sing You Are My Sunshine, a blur of brown hair trying to catch her brother to bite him, the sweet little pig-tailed girl excited to ride the bus with her big brother and early Christmas mornings sitting on the stairs waiting for the okay.  And oh, how many times I watched you come down the stairs with the craziest outfits on we’ve ever saw, proudly proclaiming you were ready to go to Jesus {church}.  I remember a jean skirt with a chain on the side, the yellow dress of a 6th grade graduate, the cheerleading uniform, the proud new driver, and now, a beautiful young lady.The recent images run together in a blur.

Teaching you to drive – laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe and being so thankful none of us died.  A million scary movie and pizza nights.  Your Baptism at church, with your Dad and brother.  Sweet last good-byes said to a loving Great-Grandmother, Meme and Papa Puddin.  This Mama is so privileged to have enjoyed such focused time with my littles.  Long walks, shopping, pools, beaches, cooking, movies; transporting you and your brother to a million practices and back.  One thing we have always kept a priority…family time.  How blessed am I to have littles that enjoy it just as much as I do.

I cannot begin to count the many things you have taught me as I have watched you grow.  From you I have learned the power of a tender heart, filled with compassion and mercy, as I have witnessed your quiet kindness to others all of your life.  And in that tender heart there has always been a place for children with special needs.  I will never forget how upset you were when a boy with special needs was being picked on in school.  You immediately jumped in and put him under your wing.  If that meant you taking the teasing for him, you were willing to do that.  You developed an instinct and desire to protect them by going through your own struggles with Dyslexia.  You’ve never once been afraid to step in and defend someone when it was called for.  You are aware of how great and wide God’s love for you is and you share that with others.

Let’s be honest here, high school wasn’t always easy.  You entered a different person than you are leaving and there are scars to prove it.  Scars are like beautiful battle wounds, though – they remind you of what you have been through and how strong you are for coming out healed.  No one leaves high school without any scars.  I hope you know the moments you got hurt just make you normal and human.  You are better off for what those moments taught you about your strengths, your resilience and your inner toughness.

You learned what true friendship looks like and you chose to beat your own path.  You learned to be more concerned with your character and your integrity than your reputation.  You showed courage to stay you and not follow the crowd.  You learned to laugh at yourself and laugh with others.

You taught me how to find joy in the moment and to laugh at even the hardest situations.  You have such a gift of making others laugh.  Your sarcastic humor and ability to be completely random is a constant source of delight that lightens our days.  It reminds us to relax and not take everything so seriously.  Movie quotes and song lyrics, you’re fluent in those!!  We’ve laughed till we’ve cried {or peed your pants, in my case}.  You’ve always kept our household happy!

You used to have the most horrendous fights with your brother.  Oh, the fights…I thought they would never end.  It has transformed into the sweetest sibling relationship.  The bond you have is one of the most amazing, happiest, sweetest things to watch.

Each chapter you go through in life has a specific lesson that God, in His all knowing wisdom, sees that you must learn.  Painful chapters draw us near to Him, and joyful chapters let us rejoice in Him. Both are important.  God has a purpose and plan for your life Jadie.  Always follow His lead and He will take you amazing places.  You are God’s handiwork, crafted by Him and for His good pleasure.  He uniquely designed you to be you alone, comfortable in your own skin.  Never will there be another Jade.  Never will someone else impact the lives you have and will in the future as only you can.

Jadie-babe, I love you.  You have brought such happiness into our home, such unbounded joy, such faith.  I could not be more thankful for you and proud of the woman you have become.  Your character and integrity are important to you. You have been blessed with height and people will have to look up to you during your lifetime, the important thing is to make them want to.

And we love you. We love you in the knowledge that though our love is imperfect, flawed by our own weakness and fear, God’s love is pure, welcoming, and relentless. Where our love may not see clearly, God’s love cuts through the fog with clarity and truth. Where our love is strong, God’s love is stronger. And where our love in its imperfection may seem sometimes to hurt, God’s love – which is perfect – will always heal.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13, 7-8.