Faith, Love & Truth
Before I begin, you need to know something about me.
I’m a Type-A, listing making, notebook keeping, people pleasing kind of girl. I have a huge desire to make a good impression, be liked and be accepted. I want the parties I throw, the relationships and friendships I have and my business to all run perfectly perfect.
And the thought of rejection makes my heart race.
The thought of not being liked, wanted or welcome makes it hard to breathe.
Those are the times when I have to force myself to step back and gain perspective. Not because I want to. But because I need to.
Rejection is hard. Babies even cry when they’re rejected. I can tell you first hand, being an adult doesn’t make that rejection any easier. We are created with the desire to be loved and accepted just as we are. But we will all experience rejection at some point in our lives. People hurl flaming arrows of rejection at their family members, co-workers, and peers without a second thought not realizing the depths of their damage. Damage that can reach throughout generations.
People didn’t like Jesus either.
I know, it sounds like a Sunday School lesson on the flannelgraph right? But it’s actually not only encouraging but comforting to read the countless stories of Jesus being rejected too. He gets it y’all. He understands what it feels like to be rejected. The sting and the hurt. Not only that, but He dealt with it perfectly. 1 Peter 2:21 says For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.
There are things about you that are unlikeable.
Whew, that’s a hard one y’all especially for this girl. It takes a good bit of humilty to realize I’m not perfect. I have to be honest and realize there are things about me that are pretty unlikeable. My loudness, my stubbornness and my quick temper sure aren’t my strong points. When we feel rejected, it give us an opportunity to ask God to make those areas visible to us, to help us work on them and to trust His promise that He will completely restore every single ugly and broken area of my life, in His timing.
Let it lead you to Jesus.
We have to choices when we feel rejected, feel sorry for ourselves and get angry or go to the cross. We can choose to move away from Him or towards Him. And I remind myself that God will never reject me. God is not rejecting me just because someone else has. One of Satan’s favorite lies is that because someone is rejecting me, so is God. The truth is God loves me no matter how people treat me.
Don’t respond out of anger.
When I am rejected, and hurting, I can assure you my first response isn’t godly. I’m the first to admit I have a hot head and a fat mouth. This, my friends, has taken a lot of prayer on my end.
And with gentle prompts from Him, I’ve heard be silent and keep your eyes on Me. My first response was the opposite. My goal was to hurt them just as they hurt me. God is showing me how to let mercy and grace lead the way.
Forgive.
I’m going to be honest, I’m not a good forgiver. If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s holding a grudge. Actually, I might even be considered a professional grudge holder. Forgiveness, no matter who it is directed to, is something that just doesn’t come easily to me. Add in someone rejecting, and hurting, and it’s doubly as hard.
How do you forgive the one who caused such pain and created those deep, searing wounds.
What does Jesus say about holding a grudge? He commands us to overlook sins and forgive those who hurt us. He doesn’t ask us to do that, the Lord commands us to do that.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
But somewhere buried in our subconscious, we think the rules don’t apply to us. The pain we know doesn’t fit the requirements of forgiveness. We {read this as me} rationalize and justify our pain over and over again, talking ourselves out of forgiving.
And then we become resentful, angry, unforgiving and cold.
I am beginning with one simple statement…this is my opportunity to show them Jesus through me. To be kind and tenderhearted, expecting nothing in return.
Healing is possible.
When we find ourselves in the midst of ripped pages and the reflection of a broken heart, it’s comforting to know He is already there. In all my broken places, God has turned a my mess into a holy offering by pouring Himself right in. He has never left me down. And now those cracks allow Him to pour right out.
I know in the middle of my messy mascara days, He’s busy writing an amazing story.
Beth Moore, in Praying God’s Word, said:
The rejected person who turns entirely to God and His Word can find glorious restoration and acceptance in Christ no matter what happens.
The Bible never tells us to please other people. You can search through the Bible verse by verse, front to back, and you’ll never find those words in it. But what you will find is instruction to please God. He is the most important element in our lives. And when we live to please God that may mean not pleasing everyone around us. God is reminding me that He didn’t call me to live a happy life, but a life that honors Him. And while I’m going to fail over and over again, my desire is to live the life He has called me to live.
In this world we will no doubt experience the rejection of someone not liking us again and again. But if we keep our eyes on Him, He will restore our broken hearts and turn our troubles into triumph.
Today I’m celebrating God’s faithfulness in bringing me through every rejection in my life and keeping me vitally connected to Him. Oh how He loves me – and you.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
I am no stranger to storybook romance. Marrying at twenty to the sweetest man, I am blessed to be familiar with love – love as a falling and a pursuit and a passion. We were introduced for the first time on a cold February evening, bundled up as we stood outside while snow gently fell around us. We stood there with our cherry-red noses, enamored with each other.
I am also no stranger to going against the grain and doing life differently than others. One month later we were engaged. We were married three months after that, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.
We both entered marriage in love with being in love. I adored the romance, comfort and support a spouse offered. I loved waking up beside him each morning and laying down beside him each night. I loved that he was my best friend and knew me better than anyone. We had our own unwritten language and could share a look or a word that no one else would understand but WE knew what it meant. I loved how he could make me laugh more than anyone else.
Falling in love is the most blissful feeling. With each new discovery in your relationship, you feel yourself falling more and more in love. You just know, in your heart of hearts, that you’ve found the right person to spend the rest of your life with. Your days are filled with dreams of getting married, writing their last name after your first name, having a family and sitting on the porch swing holding hands while watching your grandkids play in the yard. You are certain these feelings will last forever. But they didn’t.
Eventually the laundry piles up, the kids are hanging on your leg screaming, you’re both sleep deprived from the new baby, the house looks like a tornado went through and the bills are more than your income. In that moment you feel your happily ever after wearing off.
You begin to wonder if you even married the right person. It seems everything he does gets on your nerves, from the way he leaves his socks on the stairs to the way he chews his food. The person you are married to isn’t the same person you fell in love with. You begin to doubt your choice. You look at other couples around you, so happily in love, and you wonder why you don’t have that. You feel life isn’t fair, at least yours isn’t. Before long, you can feel your heart slowly drifting away from his.
Throughout the years, I’ve collected every card and love letter my husband has written me. I have them all safely tucked away but on occasion will pull an old one out and pour over the words. It’s in that moment, between the lines, I can see this love of ours has, without a doubt, changed over time.
It isn’t because it’s any less. It isn’t because we’re walking through a valley. It isn’t because the laundry is piled sky high and the bills are mounting. It is something different.
Love is more of a choice than a feeling.
Throughout the past twenty-one years we’ve made a conscious choice to daily say that we still do, even now. Especially now.
He has continued to choose me, even on days I wear sweat pants and a messy bun. He has continued to choose me, throughout every sickness and surgery. He has continued to choose me, even when I’m undeserving.
And I’ve chosen him.
Love is strung together choices. The feelings, undoubtedly, will rise and fall. Being in love with love will fade as the toughness of life becomes a reality. As life goes on we all change, we grow, we mature, and life changes us. But marriage is not meant to be a lifetime commitment to fairy tale love alone. Marriage is designed to be a repetitive I do, a daily commitment of choosing us over me. You choose to love who they are at each point in life, not only who they used to be.
Marriage was designed specifically by God to mirror the relationship between Christ and His church. In marriage, we are acting out a living parable to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way.
Over the years God has softened and shaped my heart. He has shown me that I need to love my husband without unreal, fairy tale expectations. He has shown me that marriage means intentionally looking for love. It’s in those moments I am flooded with displays of love right in front of me. Love is the endless miles he’s driven me to doctor appointments. Love is the hug, kiss and butt slap I get when he walks in the door. Love is the laundry he does. Love is his understanding that somehow 8 backyard chickens suddenly became 50. Love is his support of all my crazy Pinterest ideas. It’s in these ways and thousands of others that he shows me, he tells me, he loves me.
I am so thankful our love story has so many chapters left to be written in it. As your love story is written by the ultimate Author of love, you might just be surprised at the romance you find. And just how much your husband does, in fact, resemble prince charming. No matter what the situation, or what mess it may hold, he’s still my hero and I’m still his girl.