Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

When Attraction Leaves

I remember that first time I saw Joe at a mutual friends house.  His t-shirt and bright eyes, the way he made me laugh with ease, his confidence, it sucked me in.  My attraction to this “bad boy” shocked me, this dark mysterious guy who ignored the world and rocked multiple tattoos.  I thought to myself that it would be hilarious if I were so immediately attracted to him because he was supposed to be my husband.  Actually, that was my second though.  My first thought was that my Mama would never approve of this tattooed wild boy.

Three months later we were married, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.

We both entered marriage in love with being in love.  I adored the romance, comfort and support a spouse offered.  I loved waking up beside him each morning and laying down beside him each night.  I loved that he was my best friend and knew me better than anyone.  We had our own unwritten language and could share a look or a word that no one else would understand but WE knew what it meant.  I loved how he could make me laugh more than anyone else.

Falling in love is the most blissful feeling.  With each new discovery in your relationship, you feel yourself falling more and more in love.  You just know, in your heart of hearts, that you’ve found the right person to spend the rest of your life with.  Your days are filled with dreams of what you’ll name your babies and sitting on the porch swing holding hands while watching your grand-kids play in the yard.  You are certain these feelings will last forever.  But they didn’t.

One morning you wake up, look at your spouse and don’t even recognize them anymore.  She has gained weight since having babies.  He’s going bald.  She has wrinkles.  And when did he start growing so much hair in his ears?  You begin to wonder if you even married the right person.  The person you are married to isn’t the same person you fell in love with.  You begin to doubt your choice.  You look at other couples around you, so happily in love, and you wonder why you don’t have that.  You watch romantic movies and long for what they have.  You feel life isn’t fair, at least yours isn’t.  Before long, you can feel your heart slowly drifting away from your spouse.  You crave the fireworks attraction you used to have.

You were so certain those first feelings would last forever.  But they didn’t.  You feel your happily ever after wearing off.

How can God expect you to stay married to someone you aren’t attracted to anymore?

Aging and our bodies changing is a part of life.  I know very few people who look the same in their 40s as they did in their 20s.  As we age our metabolism slows down.  People naturally gain weight, and it becomes much harder to keep it off.  As we age we are simply not as attractive as we were in our early twenties.  We get wrinkles.  We get moles.  We get stretch marks.  Skin sags, even if you’re in great shape.  We get cellulite.  Our bodies change as we experience joy, pain, life, death, victory, heartache and time.  These are all facts.  To look the same now as I did 22 years ago would require a vast amount of work.  And in the end, I still wouldn’t look the same.

With that being said, here are a few things to consider.

We are to delight in each other

Part of loving your man is being as attractive as you can be.  After all, you’re the only woman he’s allowed to look at.  I try to always have a hair style and hair color I know my husband likes.  I also try to wear outfits that I’ve heard him say he liked.  For example, I know he prefers that I wear a t-shirt and jeans.  Praise Jesus he doesn’t prefer dresses!  And when we go anywhere together, I always try to look my best, by doing my hair and makeup, so that he can be proud to have me on his arm.

Regardless of your size, you are still beautiful!  I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of the worlds beauty standards, and think since you’re not a size 2 then what is the use.  Let me encourage you to fight the frump y’all.  Get dressed in your best.  Choose clothing that flatters your body.  So much of being sexy is about attitude, not just what we look like!  Exuding confidence is sexy!  If you’re passionate with your husband, and you present yourself well, you’re choosing to love him.

But remember, the same grace you want your husband to offer you for your appearance is also what you should offer him for his.  And just maybe him seeing how much effort you’ve put into your appearance will spark a desire in him to do the same.

A side-note to the men…you are instructed in the Bible to always delight in your wife, not only when you find her appearance desirable.  Proverbs 5:19 says Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.  This means even if gravity has taken a toll.

You don’t need the perfect body to have amazing sex

Sex as part of marriage is important to God.  Sex is one of the ways a man and a woman are bound together by God in a covenant relationship for life.  Sex is supposed to bring us closer together in different ways – spiritually, physically, emotionally.  Physical is only one aspect.  And when we put so much emphasis on needing the perfect body in order to make love we’ve lost the point. We’ve cheapened sex.

Let’s take a closer look at 1 Corinthians 7:3-5…

3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I think “do not deprive” is an important part of these verses, and we have to look further into what that translates to.  The biblical definition of deprive is to take away; to put an end; to destroy.  This implies that there should be a healthy level of sexual activity, that this is a legitimate need and depriving our spouse of it could destroy them and in essence our marriage.  This isn’t something that is optional in marriage.  And it isn’t something that should be minimized or used as a weapon, either.

Be cautious of your spouses confidence

Robert Frost said Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.  In our hearts, we crave that our spouses would desire us and be attracted to us.  If you tell your spouse you aren’t attracted to them, that is absolutely devastating and so hard to recover from.  We’re supposed to delight in our spouses, not tear them down.

If your wife has gained weight since having babies, ask her to walk with you in the evenings.  If your husband has hair growing in his ears or out of control eyebrows, ask him if you could trim them.  Try to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Pursue intimacy

I have a feeling if you truly pursued intimacy with your spouse, that the attraction would return.  If you aren’t sure where to start, read my post 16 Ways To Make Your Marriage Sizzle.  To keep intimacy alive you have to desire it.  You have to want it.  You have to be deliberate about it.  You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to reach the goal.  You have to engage your heart fully in the joyful pursuit.

If you are experiencing this issue, here is my challenge to you.  Remember why you feel in love with your spouse to begin with.  Pray to have eyes that crave them.  Pray for sexual intimacy with them and then intentionally pursue them.  Explore sex and the fullness of it.

And as for the question if God expects you to stay in this marriage, I think another blog post I wrote will help answer that.  It’s called Is Your Marriage Worth Saving.  Once you’ve read it, take some time to just pour your heart out to God.  As your love story is written by the ultimate Author of love, you might just be surprised at the romance you find.

My Five Favorite Canning Recipes

canning jars

When I was growing up I was blessed to not only have a Mama that grew her own food, but canned it as well.  Not only my Mama, but all the women in my family.  Many family gatherings would include a circle of women chatting about their recent crops and what they were planning on canning with them.  It was a given that once I had a household of my own, I would follow in all their footsteps.  And proudly, I have.

Once the end of summer draws near, I know it’s time to bring out the pressure canner and jars.  I couldn’t feel more in my element than I do in my kitchen with a pot of sauce simmering on the stove.

Throughout the years I’ve ventured a bit further than the basics my Mama canned, and I’ve found some new favorites of my own.  That is exactly what I want to share with you today, my top five favorite canning recipes!

Print Recipe
 Hot Pepper Dip
This is an awesome dip that I can yearly. It is great on Ritz crackers spread with cream cheese. I also add a jar to my chili! It has just the right amount of kick.
Servings
pint
Ingredients
Servings
pint
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Chop the peppers, onion and garlic; set aside. {I put mine through a grinder}
  2. Mix all ingredients except peppers and bring to a boil.
  3. Boil for 10 minute stirring occasionally. Be careful the bottom of the pan doesn’t scorch.
  4. Add peppers, bring to a boil again.
  5. To can, pour into jars. Place rings and lids on jars, making it fingertip-tight. Place on a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool.
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Print Recipe
 Canned Peaches
Servings
Ingredients
Servings
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. To prepare peaches: Wash peaches; dip in boiling water for 30 seconds, then drop in ice water to loosen skins. Remove skins. Cut in half; remove pits and scrape away the red fibers around the pit, which can darken during storage. Set aside.
  2. Combine sugar and water in a saucepan and bring to a boil until sugar is dissolved. Keep syrup hot.
  3. Pack peach halves, cut-side down, into hot jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace.
  4. Add hot syrup to within 1/2 inch of rim. Remove air bubbles with a nonmetallic spatula and add additional syrup, as needed.
  5. Wipe jar rims and threads. Place lids and bands on jars.
  6. Hot-Packing Method: Because the syrup is hot when you pour it in, I don’t put it through a water bath. Mine is always fine and has always sealed. You can always put yours in a water bath just to be sure.
  7. Water-Bath Method: Process in a boiling water bath for 25 minutes for pints, 30 minutes for quarts.
  8. Place on a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool. Any leftover brine can be stored in the refrigerator till the next time you can.
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Print Recipe
 Sweet Pickled Beets
These are the absolute best pickled beets to make pickled eggs with!
Servings
Ingredients
Servings
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Wash the beets, cleaning all the dirt off. Cut the leaves off the beet about 3” off the beet to prevent the beet from bleeding out.
  2. Separate into sizes so little ones don’t get over cooked and big ones are not under cooked. I like 3 kettles, they boil faster that way. Boil beets till tender, can be checked using a fork (like a potato).
  3. Drain and discard cooking liquid; let beets cool so they can be easily peeled. Hold the beet in your hand and squeeze it, it should pop right out of the skin. Cut beets into 1/2” pieces, leaving very small beets whole.
  4. Combine brine ingredients in a kettle. Bring brine to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Depending on the amount of beets you have, you may need to make more brine.
  5. Fill jars within 1/2” from the top with beets. Fill jar with boiling brine to 1/2” from top. Place rings and lids on jars, making it fingertip-tight.
  6. Hot-Packing Method: Because the brine is hot when you pour it in, I don’t put it through a water bath. Mine is always fine and has always sealed. You can always put yours in a water bath just to be sure.
  7. Water-Bath Method: Process in a boiling water bath for 30 minutes at up to 1000 feet in elevation.
  8. Place on a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool. Any leftover brine can be stored in the refrigerator till the next time you can.
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Print Recipe
 Spaghetti Sauce
This spaghetti sauce recipe has been used in my family for generations.
Servings
quart
Ingredients
Servings
quart
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Wash the tomatoes, hot peppers, garlic and onions.
  2. Cut the stem part off the tomatoes and quarter them. Leave the skin on them. Place them in a big bowl or plastic tub. I use my Grandma's enamel basin.
  3. Remove skin from onions and quarter the onion. Add them to the bowl with tomatoes.
  4. Cut the stems off of the hot peppers, cut them in half and remove the seeds. I let the seeds in two of the peppers to add some heat to my sauce. Add them to the bowl as well.
  5. Peel your garlic and set it aside.
  6. Little by little, add your vegetables in a blender and puree.
  7. Put pureed mixture through a food mill over top of your canning pot. The food mill will remove the skins and seeds.
  8. Turn your burner on high once tomatoes, onions and peppers are in your canner. Once it comes to a boil, reduce the heat to medium.
  9. Add the salt, sugar, italian seasoning, tomato paste and oil into your canner and mix well.
  10. Bring it to a boil and cook until thick. I cook mine for 4-5 hours, stirring occasionally.
  11. To can, pour into jars. Place rings and lids on jars, making it fingertip-tight. Place on a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool.
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Print Recipe
 Zucchini Relish
This is a great way to use zucchini. It's a fabulous relish to eat on hotdogs and hamburgers!
Servings
pint
Ingredients
Servings
pint
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. I put my zucchini, cucumber, onion and pepper through a grinder. After ground, place the items in a large, non-metallic bowl, and sprinkle the salt over-top. Use your hands to evenly mix the salt throughout. Cover, and refrigerate overnight.
  2. The following day, drain and rinse well with cool water. Squeeze out excess water and set aside.
  3. Place the sugar, vinegar, and cornstarch into a large pot. Add the nutmeg, turmeric, celery seed and pepper. Stir to combine, then add the drained zucchini mixture.
  4. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer 30 minutes.
  5. Pack hot relish into sterilized jars, making sure there are no spaces or air pockets. Fill jars all the way to top. Place rings and lids on jars, making it fingertip-tight. Place on a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool.
  6. Hot-Packing Method: Because the relish is hot when you pack it, I don’t put it through a water bath. Mine is always fine and has always sealed. You can always put yours in a water bath just to be sure.
  7. Water-Bath Method: Place a rack in the bottom of a large stockpot and fill halfway with boiling water. Carefully lower jars into pot using a holder. Leave a 2 inch space between jars. Pour in more boiling water if necessary, until tops of jars are covered by 2 inches of water. Bring water to a full boil, then cover and process for 30 minutes. Remove jars from pot and place on cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool.
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Canning Leftover Ham & Broth

Every Easter we eat dinner at my parents house.  One of our favorites is our Easter ham!  But this year, due to my Dads sodium restrictions, the entire leftover ham came home with me.  Not complaining y’all.  Ham is my jam (see what I did there).  I knew that we’d never eat the entire ham before is started to turn, so I decided to can the leftovers.  I have big plans of some ham pot pie this summer with it.

This is the time of year to stock up on ham. This week, pre-Easter prices are still available, you can get nice hams for as cheap as 87 cents per pound.  And who can pass up a good sale like that?

Canning ham is NOT difficult in any way and when done correctly, it is completely safe.  It absolutely requires you to use a pressure canner.  Read that again.  You must use a pressure canner.  If this is your first time using a pressure canner, you may want to check out my detailed instructions here.

The first thing we want to do is cut all the ham off the bone.  I cut mine into fairly larger chunks, so it didn’t fall apart during the canning process.  You can also freeze the bone for some ham and bean soup in your future.  Set your ham aside while you get everything else ready.

Once I had all the ham chunked up it was time to start filling the jars.  Fill your hot sterilized jars with the cut meat.  I packed it in really well, getting as much as I could in there while still leaving 1″ headroom.  If you aren’t sure how to keep your jars hot, you can always run them through a cycle in the dishwasher.  That’s normally what I do when I know I’m going to be canning that day.

Next you need to add liquid in with your ham.  You can either pour boiling water over the meat or, if you’re as lucky as I was, your Mama saved you all the ham broth!  I brought the broth to a boil on my stove and ladeled it over top of the ham, again leaving a 1 inch head space.  I had enough of that precious broth left to do a quart of it as well.  That broth will be a nice addition to my ham and beans that I make with that fabulous ham bone!

Make sure you wipe the rims of your jars before putting your hot lids and rings on them.  I wiped the jar rims with a cloth with a little vinegar to help remove any of the greasy residue.

Now it’s time to process!  Place the jars into the canner base making sure that there is space between them.  Make sure you remember to add your hot water in your canner.  Check your manual to see what your canner calls for, my canner requires 3 quarts of water.  Put your lid in place.  I highly suggest setting a timer so you know when the specified time is up.

Processing times are:

75 minutes  at 11 lbs for pint jars

90 minutes at 11 lbs for quart jars

Make sure to read your manual as additional pressure is needed for high altitude, over 2000 feet.

When your timer goes off, turn the stove off.  Actually, turn the stove off and walk away.  Go take a much deserved seat for a while.  You HAVE to leave the lid on and allow the pressure canner to return to normal pressure.  I just let mine sit for quite a while.  Once the pressure is down to normal you can remove the lid and take your jars out.  I use the jar lifter to remove them.  And I always set them on a kitchen towel then cover them with another towel.  I don’t want them to cool down too quickly.

Besides the benefit of stocking up on ham when it is very cheap, having canned ham and stock on the shelf is a HUGE convenience.  I can grab a can and have my ham pot pie halfway done, all I need to add is some potatoes and pot pie dough.  I’m thinking that will be a future blog post!

Now sit back, relax with a cool drink and listen for the sound of the PING of a successfully sealed jar!  A beautiful sound!