Forever Beloved

as a woman who spent her entire life striving to be viewed as strong and independant, the thought of being submissive to anyone, let alone my husband, scares me to death.  and i have to say, at first it made me angry.  so angry that i completely rebelled against it and refused it.  yep, i was a child rebelling against what my Father had not only told but commanded me to do.

are you serious Jesus?  um, hello…i’m amy…the girl that took the words “honor and obey” out of her vows for a reason!  and now you want me to be submissive to my husband?  seriously?

and He answered loud and clear…”YEP”

wow, okay…deep breaths, i can do this…


Ephesians 5:22-24   22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

so why is this so hard for me?  because i am, by nature, a controller (which is really pride and sin).  and the thoughts of not having control over a situation scares-me-to-death.  but i believe God’s advice and His will to be the best for my life.  even if I don’t fully understand it, I trust Him.  with that being said, i somehow had to figure out because i don’t want to live my life is disobedience.   so i asked God to teach me what it means.

and funny thing is, it no longer makes me angry, not even a little bit (a big thank you to God for that).  i’m still figuring out what submission looks like in a Godly marriage.  i’m learning submission while my husband learns leadership.  thank God for his grace in my marriage because this girl right here takes a while to catch on.

often we wives are afraid of losing control (and by “we wives” i really mean this wife right here) and WE  get in the way of creating the marriages we ache for.  you know, the one where we have a strong, confident, Godly man, who loves us like Christ loves the church.  i know this girl certainly wants that type of marriage.

so it turns out submission isn’t a sign of weakness, like this silly girl thought all along, it’s a sign of respect!  and of course i want to honor and respect my husband, i love him.

out for now
~kisses

i’m totally not going to lie, i’ve been struggling hardcore for a few months. i’ve always kept it real here so no sense in stopping that now. i had a surgery with some complications and everything fell apart, spinning out of control around me.

since march 7 i’ve had five surgeries with a few more yet to come.  while i’m not bed-ridden or anything, many days i just feel “yucky”.  i have a ureter stent that my body doesn’t like, and my body spends most days trying to reject it.  which causes me to feel almost like i have the stomach flu.  i also have kidney pain quite a bit, which isn’t a pain i’m a fan of.  with that being said, the past few months haven’t been easy.

in staying with my “keeping it real” theme, let me now say that since march 7 i’ve gained 25 lbs.  it’s not something i’m proud of.  and i’m not going to make any excuses, i’m the one that is totally to blame.  while i might not be able to exercise the way i’m use to, i could have made better food choices.  

i’ve been struggling with this hardcore the past few weeks.  last week i decided it was time to get a handle on this.  last week something clicked…i decided this would NOT defeat me…i actually went for some walks last week and made healthier food choices (yay me).

sunday morning i woke up with the above verse in my head.  i laid in bed and just though about it, analyzing every word.  i CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.  wow, how powerful is that?!  

so, with His help and some determination of my own i will be working hard to get back on track.  and i’m so excited to continue my journey!!

out for now
~kisses