Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot?
This is a hard topic for many, and the opinions on it are usually varied and loud. And while I understand parenting is such a blessing from God, and raising those babies is so important, we can’t allow mothering to take precedence over our marriage.
Is being a Mama important? Well, absolutely! Pour your heart into those littles, but don’t neglect your man. I’ve witnessed marriages fail because the kids were made top priority. The kids grow up, move out of the house and the parents look at each other like strangers because they didn’t nourish their marriage.
The best way that you can love your kids is to love your husband. What kids want, more than anything, is to feel that their home is stable and secure. They need to know their parents not only love them, but they love each other. When children see their parents giving each other time, affection, love and respect it is a reassurance of our love and makes them feel secure. To put your marriage on hold for 18 years, or even one year, while you raise children is not only detrimental to your marriage, but it is also devastating to your children.
They can see their parents taking care of themselves so that frees that up to enjoy being a child. They don’t have to worry about Mommy and Daddy because they take care of each other. Seeing parents happy together breeds emotionally healthy children.
Now I’m not saying there aren’t times when your children should come first. Diaper changes, meals and injuries all need fairly immediate attention. I’m certainly not suggesting you walk away from a bleeding child to go have coffee with your spouse and chat about their day. And I’m sure not suggesting that you ignore your children except for emergencies. As I said earlier, pour your heart into those babies. But, it needs to be clear that your primary relationship (after God) is with your spouse.
Our love for our kids is so primal and so different, it’s easy to push our husbands out of the way and build our lives around our kids.
Please don’t do that. Your kids don’t need you to be with them every single night. They would benefit from you taking a break and going on a date with your spouse. I love going on dates with my husband, whether they are little mini-dates we catch here and there or a full day together. I love that feeling of just reconnecting with him and being able to give him my full attention without interruption. I think it’s so important to take time out of our busy lives to solely focus on each other. It keeps our marriage alive. It’s so important to stay connected! Some day those babies are going to grow up and leave your house. You don’t want to be two strangers just coexisting as roommates when that happens.
When you got married, you vowed to love and cherish each other. Until the day you die. Not until you have babies. If you really want to care for your children in the best possible way, do it by making your marriage solid. That means following through with what you promised on your wedding day. Building a relationship that causes you to grow together instead of growing apart.
After all, the Bible says that the husband and wife are one flesh, not the kids and their Mama. They may come from us, but we are united with our husband, not our kids.
One thing to keep in mind is relationships always drift apart, they never drift together. If you fail to put effort into your marriage, it will drift. Faster than any other kind.
Give your marriage and your spouse as much attention as you give your children, it’s really that easy. Give the kids ice cream for dinner, turn on some Spongebob and lock your bedroom door. Put them to bed a little early and snuggle on the couch with him. Hire a babysitter or take them to Grandma’s for the night and spend some one-on-one time with him. Or even go away for a romantic weekend together. Not only so he knows but so he feels he’s your number one priority.
