Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {To The Men}

this is the first time i’ve written a blog post specifically for men.  it’s kinda strange but i’m actually super excited {and a little nervous} to share Gods marriage design with you as well!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33


three times in this passage of Scripture God commands you as a husband to do something specific: love your wife.  
while your wife is instructed to submit, you are instructed to love your wife.  not just kinda sorta love her, but love your wife as Christ loved the church.  Paul does not tell you in this passage to rule over your wife.  you are never told, “make sure your wife knows you’re in authority over her or show her who’s in charge.”  instead God tells you three times to love your wife.
love her.  
God’s command to love your wife involves more than just acting in love when you feel emotionally 
or physically close to your wife. God doesn’t tell you to love your wife just when she is being 
affectionate and loving to you.  He doesn’t say to love your wife only when you feel she is deserving of it.  and it doesn’t say to withhold love when she’s sassy {thank goodness}.  God commands: cherish your wife. have affection for your wife. love her.
guys, let your wife know how much she means to you.  tell her.  tell her over and over again.  write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it.  believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know.  and she’ll more than likely shed a few tears.  give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work.  just hold her in your arms.  from a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening.  and i betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want  🙂    
how did Jesus ultimately show His love the church? He died to establish it. wow… i know, right. are you willing to do that?  you are also to love your wife more than you love yourself. in reality, Christ is asking you to put your wife’s needs before your own. what makes that difficult is our own selfish hearts. it doesn’t help that you have the world in your ear, telling you that you are entitled to put your own needs first.  and if you don’t…well then your either a sissy , hen-pecked or really foolish.

submission can’t be forced, ever.  trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful.  it doesn’t honor God or others.  and it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage.  being controlling isn’t loving at all.  if your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am i loving my wife as Christ loved the church?”. if the answer is no, then i’d say that is something you need to work on.  work on your part and don’t worry about her part.  once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

a truly Christian marriage will mirror the relationship between Christ and his church.  this mirroring will involve both the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife gladly submitting to her husband. the two elements, love and submission, are non-negotiable within the relationship. both elements, love and submission are required for our marriages to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

so this week…guys, love on your wife.  hug her, kiss her, hold her, listen to her and just spend genuine quality time loving her.

why aren’t we friends?

“but…i thought we were friends”
have you ever said that?  yeah, me too.  it’s ouchie isn’t it?

let’s face it, it happens. we don’t want it to ever happen to us.  ever.  but it does. and when it does, it sure does hurt. and most times, at least in my case, it blindsides you.

it’s always always always hard to lose a best friend.
God created women to crave deep personal relationships, so our friendships are a huge part of who we are.  chances are, right now you’re either smiling because you’re thinking about your own bestie or you’re feeling sad because you wish you had a bestie.  either way, your heart connects with the idea of friendship.

what my heart craves is a true Biblical bestie.  but lately, i’ve been asking myself what a Biblical bestie is.  i mean, are my standards too high?  am i too picky?  are the friendship issues always my fault?  all i know is in the end, i’m always the one left here, mouth agape, wondering what happened.  because…i thought we were friends.

Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever. 
1 Samuel 20:42
how beautiful is that?  i mean, that’s hallmark movie stuff right there.  we have sworn friendship to each other in the name of the Lord.  so firstly, i think a Biblical bestie has to be running right beside us when we run to Jesus. if they aren’t, then we have to let them go.  why is this so important?  when we call our bestie crying, asking for advice, we certainly want to hear Biblical advice.  we want to hear hope.  we want to be told, gently in love, of our wrongdoings.  we want to have fellowship.  we want to have fun.  and hello, we want to see them again.  why should death end a friendship 🙂
i also think to have a good, solid and lasting Biblical friendship, we have to be in the same season of life.  how many of us got married young?  yeah, me too.  and once i had a baby a year later, and had to lug along a baby to our “girls lunch date”, the friends seemed to disappear super quick.  turns out single girls don’t have much of a desire to talk about breastfeeding.  or dirty diapers.  or have a baby pooping while they are eating lunch.  
what was supposed to be a fun, stress-free girls time turned into me being crazy, wack-a-loon stressed out.  i’m not going to lie, stress makes me sassy.  and sweaty.  perfect example of why your friends should be in the same season.  another mama would have just held my baby for a bit, gave me a break, let me relax, given me some calm mama advice and just enjoyed our time together.
have you ever went through a rough patch, a time in your life when you needed your bestie more than ever.  and you look around, and she is gone.  boy, does that ever hurt.  in Biblical friendships, we have to be willing to walk beside each other, even if it’s not convenient for us.  you have to be willing to serve her selflessly, expecting nothing in return.
throughout the friendships i’ve lost, i’ve taken them as learning experiences.  actions speak so much louder than words.  one-sided friendships aren’t real.  don’t surround yourself so much with the “sisterhood bond” that it makes you blind.  
true friendship is not one sided. so many people are looking for friends who will help them, meet their needs, be a friend to them, help them financially, listen to their problems, be sympathetic and love them. they are seeking a selfish friendship, they want to receive friendship but aren’t willing give any in return. 

faithfulness and loyalty are key to true friendship. without them, we feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. in true friendship there is no turning away. God designed us for lasting relationships, he wants us to have friends here on earth!

i’ve realized throughout the years that i don’t need a bucketful of friends to be happy or to feel validated.  all i need is handful of true friends, Biblical besties.  i am completely blessed to have a few of these amazing gals in my life.  one of them has even been there since high school, bless her heart.  my handful of friends might each look different, and have different personalities, but i hold each of them close to my heart.  and i know that with one phone call they would be here for me, and i for them.

{semi} wordless wednesday