Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

a love letter ♥

Dear amazing, loving man…

Little did I know that first night I met you that you were the one I had been praying for since I was a little girl. So many nights I spent on my knees, praying. Over the years the prayer changed from asking for prince charming to asking for a man that would simply treat me well. All those years God knew you were the man for me, my future husband, and was busy preparing your heart for mine. 

I can still remember the first moment that I saw your face. You were looking at me. And I thought to myself “what in the world is this guy staring at”. Years after years we repeatedly kept resurfacing in each others lives. Until finally, I realized you seemed very familiar to my heart. You stole my heart and our life journey began.  

There are no words to describe how thankful I am that God brought us together. We were two imperfect sinners that God saw something in. Others around us didn’t understand it, but it didn’t matter. God knew exactly what He was doing and His plan was perfect.

At that point in my life I needed to feel worthy, loved and protected. You rescued me from all the past pain, struggles and hurt. You showed me I didn’t need to be weary, always questioning, afraid and on alert. In your arms I felt safe and protected. You showed me that God did answer that little girl’s prayer for a prince charming.

You knew you were getting a broken girl, yet you grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and stepped forward with me. With you by my side, everything else seemed to melt away. You put up with so much in those first days; tears that came from nowhere, fear that wasn’t understood and anger that was unfounded. Yet by my side you stood.

And your voice, oh that voice, I’m not sure you ever truly understood how much it meant to me. When you sang to me, I believed every single word. Your voice mended my broken heart. It sewed the pieces back together. Your voice lifted me up, making me feel as if I was the only beautiful girl in the entire world. You didn’t just sing to me with your voice, you sang to me with your heart.

When we got married, I thought I knew what love and marriage was. I thought it was about love and kisses.  I thought it was about being swept off my feet daily.  What I know now is that being married to you has allowed me to be myself. You want me to be the best I can be and you support me every chance you get. You want me to to be happy. You like me the way I am even though I am outspoken, sometime sassy an sometimes I roll my eyes. You are so patient with me (which is no easy task, sir). You bear with me, gently correcting me. You allow me to be myself.

The reality of our marriage has been so much more complex. We make life changing decisions together. Marriage involves an intimacy that takes my breath away when I allow myself to think about it. You have seen me at my worst and you love me anyway.  You have been so incredibly mad at me and still you love me so much. The intimacy of that love year after year is astounding. At every crossroad there is a choice to make…keep committing to our love or to get annoyed, give up and stop. Every time, you choose love.  Here you are, still by my side.

Being married to you is the most interesting, challenging, amazing, mind-opening, loving, growth-inspiring decision I ever made.  Such an amazing man I’ve been blessed with.  I look forward to 50 more years of crazy love.

I love you so very much, Mr. Cutler.
xoxo

Finding My Christmas

I’m going to absolutely admit it, I’ve not been the most pleasant this holiday season thus far.  Actually, that’s putting it lightly.  I’ve been sassy.  I’ve been mean.  I’ve been sad.  I’ve been distant.  I’ve been having a big ole’ pity party daily.  Surely I’m justified in that, right?  I mean, Christmas is just so expensive and money is tight.  Last year I had a close friend to do fun holiday activities with, this year I don’t.  My dog is aging and can’t walk some days.  The weather is yucky.  I miss my Grandma.  I could go on and on.  Those, my dear friends, are excuses.  And I’ve been full of them.

Why was this holiday season feeling so different than all the rest?

Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Why have you gone away? Where is the laughter you used to bring me? Why can’t I hear music play?


I’ve put up my tree, made handmade decorations, shopped till I dropped, baked cookies, watched Rudolph, burnt yummy smelling candles…and still nothing.  Why can’t I FEEL it?  I’ve ran down the to-be-happy-at-Christmas checklist, put marks in all the boxes and I’m still not happy.
This morning, during one of those “God moments” I love so much, I realized the problem.  ME!  I’ve lost Christmas.  I let the true meaning get lost among the shuffle.  
I can’t make Christmas.
All of the candy canes and sugar cookies in the world can’t make Christmas.  I am reminded of my favorite line from my favorite childhood Christmas movie…What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!  And we know that. I know that. But yet, I still find myself trying to find Christmas in things.  
I’ve let the voice of the world drown out His voice.  
Christmas is not about our happiness.  God didn’t send His son to earth so that Amy could feel all warm of fuzzy every holiday season.  It’s not about anyone’s feelings, not yours and not mine.
Christmas isn’t about my need to feel happy, it’s about the birth of our Savior.  And if I remember that, if I embrace it, then I will find my Christmas.

Pepperoni Cheesy Bread

 

If there is one thing this household likes, it’s pepperoni and cheese.  So today, while brainstorming dinner, I came up with a fabulous idea.  A local grocery store has a bread we love, pepperoni cheese bread.  And y’all know how obsessed I am with my bread machine.  So, why couldn’t I make that bread myself?  Oh yes, a great idea was born.



Ingredients

1 ¼ cups luke-warm water
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil {I used Tastefully Simple Garlic Oil}
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
3 ¼ cups bread flour
½ teaspoon Tastefully Simple Garlic Garlic
¼ cup Parmesan cheese
½ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
½ cup sliced and finely chopped pepperoni
2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast

Directions

  1. Toss all the ingredients in a bread machine and set it on the dough cycle. You can bake it in the bread machine if you want, but I wanted more control over it and I like the shape of the loaf better when it’s baked in a loaf pan.
  2. When the dough is done, take it out and divide it into two equal amounts.
  3. Spray your bread loaf pan and put half the dough in the bottom.
  4. Put a layer of pepperoni and mozzarella cheese on top of the dough.
  5. Put the other half of the dough on top.
  6. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled in size, which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours.  {I normally turn my oven on to 170 degrees, let it heat up and turn it off.  I put my dough on the top shelf.  On the bottom shelf I put another loaf pan full of hot water.  The heat and steam will help your bread rise faster.}
  7. Bake at 375 for about 35 – 40 minutes or until the top is a deep golden brown and the bread sounds hollow when you tap it.
  8. Remove the bread from the pan and place the bread on a rack to rest for 5 to 10 minutes (if you can stand to wait that long). That’s the hardest part … the waiting … when your house is full of that delicious fresh bread aroma and your mouth is watering …