Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

I remember the exact moment those words flew past my lips.

I hope I’m not pregnant, this marriage is worthless!

I remember everything about that moment…where I was standing, what I had on, what the lighting looked like and more than anything I remember the look on his face.

In that moment my marriage felt hopeless and to be honest, not worth saving.

I want to tell you this, from my heart directly to yours, every marriage is worth saving.

Sometimes marriage is hard.  Really, really hard.  And by hard I don’t mean disagreements over where to go to dinner.  I don’t mean dirty, wet towels being left on the floor.  I mean in the trenches, fighting the battle to bring darkness into light, when satan comes at you from every direction to steal your joy and your hope because he knows he is loosing ground kind of hard.

Maybe in your marriage you are the only one fighting for it.  It is such a helpless feeling to have a sense that your marriage is slipping away and you cannot convince your spouse to work on the relationship.  That dynamic is common – one spouse is emotionally exhausted, and eventually withdraws from the marriage.  The other spouse responds too late, finally understands and then, out of desperation, frantically tries to talk their spouse into staying.

Perhaps your spouse has already filed for divorce and the decision is out of your hands.  That may be the end result for your relationship, though I pray not.  If it is, cling to God like never before and allow Him to carry you through it.

I cannot make guarantees about what will happen for you, but looking back at our history, and hearing the histories of others, I am convinced that God wants to save your marriage.  He wants to start with your soul, but He cares deeply about your covenant with your spouse.

When my husband and I went through a rough in-the-trenches season of marriage there were only two things that helped us survive…handing our marriage to God and clinging to hope.

A big thing to remember is God doesn’t work on our time schedule.  And that, my friends, was a hard pill for me to swallow.  I am a hard-headed, impatient girl.  But God had some work to do on my heart first.  And it wasn’t until I had learned those lessons that things would start improving in our marriage.

I needed to nurture my relationship with Jesus for my relationship with my husband to change.

When it feels like all hope is lost, hand that relationship over to God.  Pray for His direction, discernment and allow Him to lead you.  Oh, how many times I’ve hit my knees praying for the right words, actions that would please Him and a heart that follows His.  I’ve thrown myself at my Fathers feet in a teary hot mess heap more times than I can count.

Please, I plead with you, don’t make a rash decision while your heart is hurting.  Many days, divorce sounds like the best and sometimes easiest option.  Believe me, there were days that through my tears and brokenness I just wanted to throw my hands up, admit defeat and file for divorce.  But I heard God consistently telling me to stand for my marriage, regardless of what the world told me to do.  He showed me divorce extracted a high price, a price I simply wasn’t willing to pay.

When you hand your marriage over to Him, you open yourself to a beautiful reconciliation full of grace.  A relationship that, once it has endured the storm, will come out of it stronger and new. Through fighting in the trenches side-by-side, all the late night conversations, all the deepness, you now know each other differently.  This is the blessing of true healing from the hands of God.

But in the midst of the battle, God hears us.  He hears our cries. When you call out to God in your distress, He hears your voice. And it moves His heart.  He can see into the deepest depths of your heart and He knows exactly what it will take to restore Hope into your heart, into your life and into your marriage.  He doesn’t wait for us to “clean up our act”.  He meets us where we are and loves us just as we are, sinners.  He showers us with His amazing grace.  We have a God who not only knows our doubts and hopelessness, but our tears and pain break His heart.

At times, taking it day by day seems like such a big task.  Take it minute by minute if you must, and allow His grace to carry you through each one.

I know even reading this post made your heart ache and your eyes well with tears.  I wish so very much I could reach through this screen and give you a big hug and just cry with you.  One day the pain will be a little less, I promise.  One day your husband will walk past you in the kitchen, brush up against your arm and you’ll feel those butterflies again.  The good days will be more often.  And each week, there will be more glimpses of sunshine.  Eventually your good days will run together, and smiles and laughter will abound.  Trust me, you will get there if you allow God to heal your heart.  He brings beauty from the ashes.

The beautiful thing about marriage restoration is you get a front row seat to watch His glorious, redemptive work. 

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His answers don’t always come as quickly as we hope.  It isn’t always the answer we want or expect.  And yet, He is faithful.  He is good.  And we will praise Him still.

You will move on past this.  You will hold your head high, knowing the storm may have knocked you down but it didn’t win.

By the way, I found out the next day that I was indeed pregnant.  And that was 20 years ago!  I am so thankful that our love story didn’t end there, that it did have many more God-scripted chapters to it.  The reward of restoration was well worth the wait.  And I am eternally thankful that our love was rescued by God!

Pouring Kindness Into Hearts

Kindness is so very powerful.

Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.  How would you describe kindness in your own words?  Friendly, generous, warm-hearted, soft-spoken; these are all words I would associate with being kind.

When I think of kindness, my Dad always comes to mind.  I actually would imagine his face might be in the dictionary beside it.  To him, kindness is a way of life.

Throughout my lifetime, my Dads kind gentle spirit has always been shown both inside and outside of our home.  He is one of the only people I know that can find good in any situation and in any person.  If he had heard someone say something unkind to him, his response was always the same.  They didn’t mean it that way.  If he would hear me saying something unkind, he would always remind me that we are Christians, and God doesn’t want us to be unkind.  If someone stole from him, he would brush it off by saying they must need it more than I do.

And today, especially today, as I watch my Facebook feed overflow with strong opinions on the John MacArthur and Beth Moore situation I can’t help but wonder what my Dad would say.

So I called him, explained the situation to him and asked his opinion.

His answer was “it’s never right to publicly humiliate someone who is also a Christ follower” followed quickly by “we should always be kind, we are called to be as Christians“.

And that, my friends, is the bottom line.

Tearing others down, judging harshly, judging their hearts, making rash and unkind judgments is all wrong.

How would Jesus have handled this?  When Jesus encountered people who He felt needed “called out”, first He showed them love.

The first thing He did was love on them.  He didn’t publicly humiliate them.  HE LOVED THEM!  Is it easier to hear criticism from someone if they loved on you first?  If they said it with kindness and you knew their heart was in the right place?  Absolutely!  It’s all about love, kindness and grace.  Gods greatest commandment was love one another (John 13:34).

Ephesians 4:32 says And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  And be ye KIND one to another.

Kind.  Kind.  Kind.

Galatian 5:22-23 says But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit y’all.  Like the other fruits of the spirit, it can only be obtained through abiding in Christ.  It is an outgrowth of the genuineness of our faith.  According to the Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary, the Greek word translated kindness here is “the divine kindness out of which God acts toward humankind. It is what the [Old Testament] means when it declares that ‘God is good,’ as it so frequently does. Christians should show kindness by behaving toward others as God has behaved toward them.”

Kindness is humbly giving of ourselves in love and mercy to others who may not be able to give anything back, who sometimes don’t deserve it and who frequently don’t thank us for it.

At times kindness can be associated with weakness.  But let me tell you, it is anything but.  It requires extraordinary strength and courage to show kindness, especially to those who don’t deserve it. And let’s be clear: not a one of us “deserves” it all the time.  There are times when responding with kindness has felt like it almost killed this stubborn, hard-headed girl.  In those moments, I always think back to my Dad and how he would respond.

Kindness is being friendly, considerate, generous, warm-hearted and gentle.  It’s being friendly when the person across from you isn’t, it’s being warm when she’s cold, it’s being soft when the person across from you is hard, it’s giving when she has nothing to give in return, it’s running through the McDonald’s drive-thru to give that homeless person a warm meal and it’s holding your tongue sometimes.

Kindness doesn’t speak of the character of the receiver but it speaks volumes about the giver.

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There have been times when I’ve felt that gentle nudge on my heart to extend kindness to someone.  I’ve heard echos of you’re naive, you’re being taken advantage of and you’re too easy.  My response is always the same.  When I feel called to be kind to someone, how I answer that call matters.

As Christ followers, we are to love as He loved us.  And His love is always, always wrapped up tightly in kindness.  We see time and time again His love offered to undeserving people.  A wife who just disrespected her husband, a child who just sassed their parent, a husband who just laughed at an inappropriate joke…in other words, every single one of us.

Hosea 11:4 says I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love.  To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.

We need to learn to be gentle, sensitive and tenderhearted.  When we start being tenderhearted, it’s easy to be kind.  Having a heart that is easily touched and sensitive doesn’t mean your weak, although that’s what the world would say.  If we are sensitive to those around us, we start seeing their needs instead of our own.  Have a loving, tenderhearted, compassionate attitude and let it shine for everyone to see.

We are called to be kind to others because God is kind to us.  He loves us when we are unlovable, and He does this over and over again.  Kindness is extremely powerful.  You can change lives with your actions.  You can change lives by your words.  You can change lives with your kindness.  You can change lives by allowing Christ’s love to shine through you.  I’ve watched my Father do all of those things.

Don’t ever be afraid to show your kindness.  You might be the one voice in their life at the moment that they need to hear.  Your encouragement might be the one thing that keeps them going.

Maybe you are the one who will help them see Jesus through your kindness.

And remember, your words matter.

 

 

 

Canning Ground Beef

If you are like me, remembering to pull ground beef out of the freezer in the morning to thaw out during the day is a chore.  I guess more so figuring out what I’m cooking for dinner first thing in the morning is the chore.  And while I realize I could just cook it from frozen, the meat on the outside cooks faster than the center as it frying. You end up with some meat over cooked before the rest is ready.

This week our local hometown grocery store had their bi-annual meat sale.  This is my absolute favorite time to stock up!  They had ground beef for $2.28 a pound.  I knew I couldn’t pass up that great price but I also know my freezer is jam-packed and can’t hold another thing.  The only solution was to can it.

Canned ground beef is always ready to use, no waiting for the frozen meat to thaw out!  Just open a jar and your meat is ready to use. It’s already pre-cooked you just need to heat it up.  Another plus is it never gets freezer burned!

There are three different ways to can ground beef, so I would suggest choosing whichever works best for you.  You can raw pack it, dry can it or pack it in water (or broth).  I’ll explain these three methods below.

Raw pack // For this method you pack your jars with uncooked ground beef and can it similarly to how I can raw chicken.  While in the pressure canner, the ground beef will produce it’s own broth in the jar.

Water pack // For this method you cook your ground beef either partially or fully, pack it into jars and cover it with boiling water.

Dry pack // For this method you cook your ground beef either partially or fully, pack it into jars and that’s it.  I do have to note that dry canning ground beef is not recommended by the National Center for Home Food Preservation.  With that being said, it has worked out just fine for me.

To choose which method is best for you, think about what you want to use your ground beef for in the future.  And understand that if you pack it in water, no amount of frying is ever going to get your ground beef browned or crispy.

I decided dry pack was the best method for us to use.  And with a big canning day ahead, I knew I had to bring y’all along!

(NOTE: Be sure to read your Instruction Manual before operating your Pressure Canner.  I’m Not responsible for death… only for delicious food)

First, let’s go over what pressure canner I use.  I have a Presto 23-Quart Pressure Canner and Cooker.  I love it, it’s easy to use and I’ve never had a single issue with it.  It comes with an in-depth instruction booklet full of recipes.  I also purchased an extra rack to use in it.  I purchased this Presto rack from Amazon. By having two racks, when I can with pints I can double stack them.  That saves me so much time y’all!  I cannot speak on whether you can double stack without the rack, as I never tried it.

You want to start with clean, sterilized jars. Also inspect your jars for chips in the rim and hairline cracks and discard damaged ones.  Inspect the metal rings and discard any with dents or rust.  I run my jars through a cycle in the dishwasher to sterilize them.  I let them in my dishwasher while I prepared my ground beef to keep the jars hot.

As for judging how many jars you’ll need, a good rule of thumb is you can fit 1 pound of meat in one pint.  My canner holds 16 pints double stacked, so I knew I needed 16 pounds of meat and 16 pint jars.

While my jars are staying hot in the dishwasher it was time to start cooking my meat.  I wasn’t really interested in cooking it in small batches, I wanted to get it all cooked at once.  So I pulled out my big kettle.  I dumped all 16 pounds in at once and began cooking it.  I cooked it on a lower setting to prevent it from sticking.  It took around 2 hours to have it cooked to the point where I wanted it.  You do not have to fully cook it, as the meat will finish cooking in the jars in the canner.

Once the meat was cooked I pulled my jars out and set them on my counter beside my stove.  You can add your spices at this point, putting them in the bottom of each jar.  I took some time to think over how I wanted to flavor this meat.  I didn’t want anything too pronounced as it will be used for everything from tacos to spaghetti sauce.  I settled on a 1/2 tsp of Beef Broth Base from Orrington Farms in each jar.  Regardless of what recipe I use it in, extra beef flavor is a good thing!

I then began straining my meat and packing it into the jars.  I filled the jar halfway, packed the meat down and then finished filling them.  Make sure you leave 3/4″ to 1″ headspace between the meat and the top of the jar.

In canning, headspace is the amount of space you leave between the top of the jar and whatever you’re filling it with.  Each thing you can requires a different headspace.  I have a funnel that also has markings on the side to measure headspace.  Here is a little headspace chart to follow:

  • Leave 1-inch headspace for low-acid foods, vegetables and meats.
  • Leave 1/2-inch headspace for high-acid foods, fruits and tomatoes.
  • Leave 1/4-inch headspace for juicers, jams, jellies, pickles, and relishes.

I did not add any liquid to my jars.  I knew when the meat continued cooking in the pressure canner it would create it’s own liquid.

Wipe the rim of the jar off.  Never forget this step!  Even when you’re using a funnel, you are bound to get something on the rim.  And if the rim isn’t clean, it won’t seal properly. You don’t want to do all this hard work just to have your jars not seal.  Wetting a paper towel with vinegar and using that to wipe off the jar will also ensure all the grease from the meat is off the rim.

Put your lids and rings on the jars.  To make certain I get a good seal, I heat my lids up on the stove in a pot of hot water.  I use a magnetic lid lifter to remove them from the hot water.

I had my Presto canner on the stove with the recommended 3 quarts of water in it.  My jars were hot, my meat was hot so I went ahead and turned my burner on to heat up the canner and water within it.  Make sure to read your directions for your specific canner to see how much water they advise.

TIP: to keep your jars from being “spotty” you’ll want to add 2 tablespoons of white vinegar to the water.  I also add white vinegar to the pot of water my lids are in to keep them from being spotty.

The following instructions are for a dial gauge canner, which is what I have.  If you have a weighted-gauge or dual gauge canner, please follow your instruction manual!   

The first thing you need to do is vent your canner.  Venting means getting rid of the steam inside the canner so you can build up pressure.  To vent, you put your lid on and make sure it’s sealed  (follow the manufacturers instructions for this as well) and turn the heat up to medium or medium/high.  You DO NOT want your weight on yet.  When steam is steadily coming out of the vent, set your timer for 10 minutes.  Once the timer goes off, you’re ready for the next step.

Put your weight on the canner, being careful of the steam that’s coming out, and wait for it to come to pressure.  Once it’s up to pressure, set your timer for the appropriate time below.  Remember to only start the timer once your canner is up to pressure.  Waiting for the canner to get up to pressure sometimes takes several minutes, and it will feel like time stands still.  Just be patient, it will get there.

  • 75 minutes at 11 lbs for pint jars (this could change depending on your altitude)
  • 90 minutes at 11 lbs for quart jars (this could change depending on your altitude)

You may need to adjust the heat up or down during this time.  If you see your pressure rising above what it should be, reduce the heat.  If you see it falling below what it should be, raise your heat.  I normally don’t leave my kitchen while I’m pressure canning, just so I can keep a close watchful eye on the pressure.

When your timer goes off, turn the stove off.  Actually, turn the stove off and walk away.  Go take a much deserved seat for a while.  You HAVE to leave the weight and lid on and allow the pressure canner to return to normal pressure.  I just let mine sit for quite a while.

When you remove your canner lid raise the farthest edge first to protect your face and arms from steam.

Yay y’all, you now have canned ground beef!  Time to take your jars out of the canner.  Grab each jar with a jar lifter, if there is water on the top of the jar tip it to the side and pour the water off.  I always transfer mine to the kitchen table.  I set them on a kitchen towel then cover them with another towel.  I don’t want them to cool down too quickly.

Do not disturb the jars as they cool.  After the recommended 12 hours, you may wipe the jars off, test the seals, remove bands and date the lids with a permanent marker.  I highly recommend dating the jars.  I also write on them what is inside.  You think you’ll remember and for sure know what is inside but when you get as many jars of different items in your pantry as I do, it can easily get confusing.  If any of the lids have not sealed, you will want to place the jar in the fridge for immediate use.  To know if it is not sealed before the 12 hour mark, look at the lid closely to see if it has flattened or turned concave on the top.  If it has, it is sealed.  If it is convex, it may not have sealed and I would store it in the fridge until you can manually test it by pressing the center of the lid and seeing if it flexes up and down when pressed.

Nothing is quite as satisfying after a long, exhausting day of canning than seeing all those jars full of food you prepared with love for your family.  Give yourself a high-five!  And sit back, take a rest and listen for that familiar ping coming from the kitchen!

If you are new to pressure canning, I highly suggest purchasing a book on it.  There are some variables to consider, like altitude, and a book would be a great resource to get you familiar with pressure canning.

For best eating quality and nutritive value, use ground beef within 3 years.  It’s still good for much longer, some have eaten their beef at 10+ years, but optimal nutrition value is within 3 years.