Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

The Argument-Free Marriage {Book Review}

The Argument-Free Marriage
28 Days to Creating the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have
By Fawn Weaver
About the book:

New York Times best-selling author Fawn Weaver challenges readers to declare peace in their marriages-and shows how it really can happen. 

Is an argument-free marriage possible? Fawn Weaver’s answer is yes, absolutely, even when one or both partners are strong willed, independent, and opinionated. (She admits to being all three.) In this groundbreaking book, the best-selling author and award-winning marriage blogger asks readers to invest twenty-eight days in learning how to live together without bickering, blame, angry outbursts, or silent treatments. 

Fawn begins with the startling premise that, contrary to popular opinion, conflict in marriage is not necessary or inevitable. Then she leads readers on a day-by-day journey toward a more peaceful and supportive relationship. Chapter by brief chapter, she offers fresh perspectives and practical strategies for communicating effectively, building understanding, and defusing anger while at the same time nurturing honesty, vulnerability, and mutual support.  

I’m sure if I asked who wanted an argument free marriage, I’d see all sorts of hands going up…including my own!  I can speak for my own marriage, most of our arguments are over small things and when the argument is over, sometimes I even have trouble remembering why it even started.

Fawn says that she is outspoken, so for her, an argument free marriage may be a difficulty. Boy, can this outspoken girl relate to that!  One of the hardest things for me to do is keep my mouth shut and walk away from an argument.  I have this deep desire to always get the last word in, and to be right.  Not my most endearing qualities.

In the book, Fawn says that there are 3 things that are essential in creating an argument-free marriage, and that these can be replicated in any relationship one desire’s to last a lifetime (marriage, siblings, parents, children): Understand and obey the law of acceleration, Stick to the original emotion and Keep at the forefront of your mind this indisputable fact: that tomorrow may never come.

The author’s tips are basic—things we know but too often don’t follow: don’t go to bed angry, for instance.  Actually, this may be basic but it’s a pretty big one.  From my own experience, I can tell you when I’ve went to bed angry I just never sleep well that night.  The Bible even says in Ephesians 4:26 to not let the sun go down while you’re angry.

There were many pearls pf wisdom in this book. And Fawn has delivered in this book what she does with her website: disseminating encouraging messages about how marriages can thrive.

This book was provided to me free of charge by Book Look in return for my honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Fawn Weaver, a USA Today and New York Times and bestselling author, is an investor, marriage advocate, TEDx alum and the founder of the Happy Wives Club, a community of nearly 1,000,000 women in more than 110 countries.

The Club’s website, HappyWivesClub.com, is an upbeat blog dedicated to positively changing the tone about marriage. Twice named the Best Marriage Site on the web by About.com, HappyWivesClub.com is the go-to place for women wanting to read about the “sunny side” of marriage and get tips on taking a marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary.

I’m tired of the not enoughs

 

As she teetered across the floor to me, carrying her favorite dolly, I scooped her up in my arms and told her You are absolutely beautiful little girl.

Years later, as she laid on the floor playing with her Polly Pockets and Petshops, she told me of someone making fun of her.  And I told her You are absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

As a teenager, we had a conversation of someone making comments about her.  And she told me I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves.

At that moment, while being so extremely proud of my daughters confidence, I couldn’t help but feel pangs of sadness.  While I had told her this truth for years with my voice, I hadn’t lived it.  I had left her to learn it on her own.

I had all the right words for her throughout the years: That she’s beautiful. That she’s smart. That she’s always enough in Jesus. That her identity is in Christ alone. That God’s approval is all that matters.

I was too busy living with not enoughs, I couldn’t model this truth for her.

How many times I had put on a outfit and scowled at my reflection in the mirror…told myself I was too big, had too many scars, I was unqualified and unworthy. How many days I had questioned my own worth…I was nothing special, ordinary, not thin enough, not pretty enough and not good enough.

What lessons had I been teaching her with my actions?

In that moment when those words left my daughters mouth, I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves, my world changed.  I knew I had to start living what I had been saying for years.

That day, while sitting at my desk, I vowed that I would provide a firm foundation for not only my daughter but all the other young women in my life.  I want them to know that a woman’s identity is found in Christ alone. I want to teach that lesson, not just with my words, but with my life.

So many times, we let the wrong factors define our worth. We allow failed relationships, body image, abuse, choices and health to define us. We allow feelings of being useless, ignored, ugly, overweight, unloved or forgotten. Sadly, we repeatedly allow these factors to define us. We allow our feelings to dictate our identity.I have been stuck in the not enoughs my entire life.

How could I change how I saw myself? How can I redefine myself? How can I master confidence? And do it all with grace?

I knew I couldn’t do it on my own, I needed to get my worth as women through Christ. Not through my feelings, not through others opinions of me, not through situations and not through emotions. But through the hands that shaped me.

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

What does Jesus think of us? What does He think our worth is? Well, He thought you and I were worth dying for! And if He thinks that much of us, why would we ever allow others to degrade the life He went through so much to save? He thinks we are worth far more than rubies! {Proverbs 31:10}

Some days, without fail, old insecurities will come knocking on the doors of our hearts. We’re tempted to tell lies about ourselves to ourselves when we’re rejected or knocked down or feeling not quite … enough.

But in those moments of weakness, I refuse to give in to the lies. I will continue to tell myself I am loved, as-is, not as I think I should be.

Retraining my heart will take years. But I know it is worth the fight.Let me speak directly to your heart. Believe it, sweet girls. Pretty please with cream and sugar on top. Know that what Jesus says about you is genuine – that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter your past. No matter how you feel.  It’s true!

{SEMI} WORDLESS WEDNESDAY