Finding My Mama Voice

I grabbed my baby and settled into my rocking chair.  She lay naked in my lap with her hair wildly askew, I picked up her bottle and placed it to her mouth.  I cradled her in my arms, gently rocking her while humming Jesus Loves Me.  And all was easy, perfect and right in my little world.

As I got older, the inevitable question of What do you want to be when you grow up was asked.

My answer wasn’t a ballerina, singer, actress or veterinarian.  My answer always sounded different.

I simply wanted to be a Mama.

Every time I gave that answer, I would be told the same thing.  What else do you want to be?  You can’t just be a Mama.  Don’t you want to be a doctor and help people?  Or be a dentist and make lots of money?

I just wanted to be a Mama.  That’s it.  In my heart and in my soul I knew I was born to be a Mom.

As I grew older, the pressure to choose an occupation mounted.  So many days I spent wishing others could see what my heart felt.

Eventually, I felt my hearts-song slipping away.  It was drowned out by the noise of school work, life-decisions, college and pressure.  It seemed simply being a Mama wasn’t acceptable.

I tucked my dream away, only pulling it out when I was alone.  Fleeting moments spent standing in front of a mirror imagining my baby belly, dreaming of what my baby would look like and what songs I would sing when they cried.

I have always been enamored by the black-and-white pictures from the past, where simply being a Mama was enough.  The days when Caroline Ingalls would tend her house, fields and babies with a humble smile.

What I realize now is, even at a young age, God was convicting my heart.  That decision had been established in full confidence years before my babies were even born; I knew this was God’s call for my life.  Even as a young girl God had called me to be a mother, a wife and a homemaker.

The hardest part was going against society and answering that call.

Living out God’s purpose for my life is the greatest thing there is.  But, it’s not always great in the world’s eyes.  Not always great in our society’s eyes.

The world loudly screams it’s opinion at women continually, no matter what side of the fence you’re on.

If you are a stay-at-home Mama you hear you must work outside of your home.  You must make money.  You must help support your family.  If not, everyone will think you’re lazy and worthless.

If you work outside of the home you hear you should be staying home with your babies.  They wish they could stay at home and do nothing all day.  Why are you selling yourself short by not pursuing a career.

Every day my heart was saying trust God and listen to the song He sings to you.  The same song you heard when you rocked your naked baby years ago.

Every day as I walked out of this house and kissed my babies goodbye, my heart would sink.  Many days the drive to work was with a tear-soaked face.  I never felt brave enough to go against society and cling to Gods promises.

After 14 years of working at a very good job, a job others wish they had, I had a choice to make.

In January of 2013 I had to make a decision.  Medically I couldn’t continue working, and the decision was made for me.

The choice I made, after years of squelching that voice, was to finally listen to my song.  I have embraced and cherished every moment.  The only regret I have is how long it took me to be brave.

And while my babies were teenagers at the time, how blessed I was to spend the last five years at home with them!  We are told that children are a heritage from the Lord, like arrows in the hand of a warrior.  I love this verse, because it really reminds me of the importance of raising my children to be on the right side of the battle.  I pray that we can all generation of children who love God and treasure eternity.

I have to remind myself God doesn’t call us to be the same and follow what everyone else is doing, He calls us to be different!  There is one thing we all need.  Jesus.  And to be fulfilled in this life I need to follow God’s will for me.  For each of us, this looks different.  He puts a different song in each of our hearts.

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24

I am not judging working moms, I myself was one for many years. I simply want to encourage all of you to follow God’s calling in your life.  And to listen to the song He puts in your heart.  If that’s to work, then work.  If that’s to stay at home and raise your family, then do it.  Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ.  The point is that there is only ONE whose approval is needed.  And if you have the approval of God the world’s opinion can fall by the wayside.