I was the girl in high school who wore a size 12 but had curves…curves that I hated. Those curves really caused me quite a few problems. I was made fun of for basically any small flaw they could find…lips, booty, etc. I spent my entire teen years wishing I was thinner. Oh, the years I wasted not appreciating what I had.
I remember one day in particular like it was yesterday. It was one of those spring days that make your soul happy…birds chirping, sun shining bright and the flowers were in bloom. And I was having a “thin day”. We all know what those are, right? My hair was amazing, my outfit was cute and I was feeling good. Yes! It was basically one of the only days I ever felt comfortable enough to wear shorts to school. I walked to the bus, smiling the entire time. Today was going to be a good day. I got on the bus and sat in the seat with my friend. She looked at me and immediately asked a question. How much do you weigh? Oh boy, I’ve never been directly asked that before. But she was my friend, someone I trusted, so I told her. She was horrified by my answer, immediately saying she MUST go on a diet because she nearly weighs what I do. And THAT is not possible.
And in that moment, the numbers started to matter.
From that moment on, I’ve hidden that number deep in my heart. The only people that know it is God, myself and my doctor (who I’ve sworn to ultimate secrecy). I could tell you story after story of people piercing my heart with their careless words about my weight…relatives, boyfriends and even strangers.
I am one of those girls that likes to pretend that words don’t hurt my feelings. I like to pretend I can just brush them off, smile and go on about my day. I take the hurtful words, cram them deep down inside and save them for another day. A day that I’m by myself and can pull those words back out and stress over them all by myself. Hurt doesn’t have a time limit. Words that were spoken 20 years ago still hurt just as much as if they were spoken yesterday.
I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth.
Wow. Powerful, huh? Actually reading that made my eyes overflow with tears. That number had held me captive for so many years, feeling free of it was emotionally overwhelming.
This girl has actually went an entire month without weighing herself. I know, crazy right? There were days I walked past the scale and sooooo wanted to hop on it. Instead, I prayed and gave it to Him. And He gave me the strength to walk past it. I will weigh tomorrow morning but I know one thing already, whatever number it shows won’t define me. I am so much more than a number.
Thanks for the encouragement. I weigh myself daily- sometimes more than once and my mood is reflected by those numbers. Last night though – I was obedient with not snacking after supper – kept singing to myself -"bless the Lord oh my soul…oooohhh my soul!" today the numbers were much the same but it didnt matter because I knew I was obedient. your post has challenged me not to weigh…I think I will start with a few days and see if I can get up to a month.
thanks for your words this morning – they are a blessing!
Amy, God bless you my dear! I am a woman who had much the same experiences as you wrote about today. I am so grateful for this study! The numbers have ceased to be significant to me – I am now all about the fact that yesterday I could pull my jeans off without unzipping them!! Talk about breakthrough!! I love your obedience.
I can really relate to your story. We are not alone and God is always going to be there for us. All the negative thinking will go away as long as we give it to God. Philippians 4:13 is my favorite verse!! Thanks so much for sharing! I pray you stay strong on your journey! Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you so much for this blog! I am encouraged by your testimony and it is very inspirational!
Thank you so much for sharing! What an encouraging message of how you have changed how you define yourself! God sees us as so much more than a number, love to read that you see yourself that way, too!
Kris Danko (OBS Blog Hop Team)
Thank you so much for your encouraging blog. I feel like were writing my life story. You have inspired me.
What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. You are way more than just a number! Thank you for reminding me that I am, too. Bless you!
Wow! That's awesome that you shared your story so we could all relate, encourage, etc. I like how you put it "those numbers on the scale determined how my day would go". Man, it made me recollect those moments in my life where I did the exact same thing. Sounds like you're feeling the peace we're studying this week! 🙂 Wtg!
http://yearninginmyheart.blogspot.com
Thank you for your beautiful words. I am encouraged by your story. Sometimes I don't like it when people look at me, but my mother and God encourages me to see the beauty that He has made in me. I am thankful for it and for you-beloved.
Be Blessed-Valerie R.
The issue you have written about is not new, it is devestating and can and does ruin lives. Body image as portrayed by the films, magazines etc. projects that Ultra thin is great and if you do not fit that image there is something wrong with you. Size 12 is not concern that any girl is overweight, Marlyn Monroe wore a size 14. You are on the right track, eat healthy, keep active and throw out the scale.!!
Enjoyed your post. You are God's precious child, not a number. He calls you by name, enjoy it.
I can so relate to your post and have memories from 40 years ago that are weight and scale related. I am so thankful for all that I am learning and no longer having to have an identiy by a number. Blessings to you and all the others on this journey to crave more of our Lord and Savior.
Irene ( small group 30)