Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Why I’m Not Raising A Feminist Daughter

I’m a wife, Mama, daughter, sister, friend, blogger, business owner and former feminist.

My Dad always told me I could do anything, whether it be putting shingles on a roof, putting a universal joint in his ’69 Chevy or dragging out the acetylene tanks and welding.  I don’t blame this on my Daddy, he had GREAT intentions.  And I’m so thankful of the knowledge he taught me.

I’m the one who took it and turned it into a heart issue.

I grew up thinking I could do anything that a man could do.  And if a man told me I couldn’t do it, I would make sure to prove him wrong.  I wanted to be viewed as strong and independent.  I even took the words “honor and obey” out of my vows.  No one was going to control me, especially not my husband.

And then I became a Mama.

As my babies were growing up, I realized I couldn’t align myself with feminism anymore.  Their message is the opposite of what I was teaching my kids.  Not to mention that feminism, and refusing to be submissive, was taking a toll on my marriage.

At that point I decided I wouldn’t raise my daughter, nor my son, to be a feminist.  And through prayer, I spent lots of time reevaluating my views.

I’m teaching my daughter modesty, they feel it’s patriarchy. I’m teaching my son to be a gentleman, they feel it’s benevolent sexism. I’m teaching my daughter to be submissive to her husband, they feel that’s degrading. I’m teaching my son to be hard-working and provide for his family, they feel that they can provide for themselves. I’m teaching my daughter purity, they feel your body is yours to do with what you please. I’m teaching my son to treat his wife like a princess, they feel that’s offensive.

I simply cannot align myself with a message that has morphed into something accusatory, degrading, offensive and opposed to the morals and messages I am teaching my kids.

I have an amazing husband.  I have a son.  I have a father.  I am truly blessed with the men in my life.  It breaks my heart to know they, along with so many other godly men, would be lumped into a category of oppressive patriarchy.

Feminism today is less about equality and more about emasculating men.

You can’t rise yourself up by pushing others down.  You can’t solve social injustice by swinging the scale to the far opposite side.  That, my friends, is revenge and not justice.

I’m actually super excited we are raising our littles the way we are, the opposite of how the world would have them raised.  I want my son to be chivalrous, to open doors and carry heavy loads.  I want my daughter to be told she’s beautiful.  I want my son to take his fiance out on a date and pay the bill without expecting anything in return.  I want my daughter to know she can depend on her husband.  I want my littles to know the beauty of a Christ-centered marriage.  I want them to love everyone, treat everyone equally with kindness and show them the love of Jesus through their actions.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2

The recent feminist campaigns are so degrading, I can’t help but feel they lost their direction among the shuffle of finding issues to fight for.  Their messages come across so crass and offensive, it actually muddies the water and their direction is no longer clear.

With God, we have clear direction.  We have a perfect owners manual for life in the Bible.  And in the Bible we see that while we are created equal, we were given specific roles.  To read a post I made on these roles, you can click here to read more about it.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:23-25

[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”amybcutler” suffix=”We don’t need more causes to follow, we simply need more Jesus.”]We don’t need more causes to follow, we simply need more Jesus.[/inlinetweet]

I recently came across something that baffled me and shook me to my core, feminist Christians.  Their strong opinions left my head reeling.  It’s creating quite a divide among Christians.  They don’t believe in biblical gender roles, submission or mamas staying at home.  If you support any of those things you’re labeled as legalistic, brainwashed, oppressed, lead astray, uneducated or delusional.  I was shocked, to say the least, at the disrespect they showed towards men and how easily they belittled them.

I just caution you to beware of the teachings you follow.  It’s so easy to be lead astray by ministries that seem to be flashy and pretty on the outside.  It’s not until you delve deeper that you find their core belief system is skewed.

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. 2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3 And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.
2 Peter 2:1-3

And that my friends is why we are teaching submission, headship and living a Christ-centered marriage.  While it might not be the worlds opinion, we are following Gods word.  That will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom!  And in turn, your life will bring glory to God.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?

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Why I’m Thankful We Married Young

married couple

Today I am celebrating 22 amazing, hard, exhausting, lovely, fun, exasperating, learning, beautiful, blessed and love filled years I’ve been married to this man.

We are no strangers to storybook romance.  Marrying at 20 and 22, we are blessed to be familiar with this form of love – love as a falling and a pursuit and a passion.  We were introduced for the first time on a cold February evening, bundled up as we stood outside while snow gently fell around us.  We stood there with our cherry-red noses, enamored with each other.

One month later we were engaged.

We were met with opposition the moment he asked me to marry him.  At 20 most people still consider you to be a child, not yet an adult, and surely too young to consider marriage.

But we disagreed. We were ready, we felt called, we wanted more.

We were married three months after that, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.

We heard many opinions on our young, fast marriage.  Why would you get married so soon?  So young?  It won’t last longer than 6 months.  I bet you’re pregnant.  You are still kids, live your life first.

Our modern culture simply doesn’t understand why someone would get married so young and so fast (or have babies before 30 for that matter!).

Oh how thankful I am to have spent such sweet, formative years with my one and only.  How grateful I am that we knew back then that this was IT — that love is a covenant and you choose to love every day.  Love is what you do.  We set our love upon one another, and that love has only deepened, matured and strengthened over the years.

Maybe my husband and I were in the minority. We probably were.  But we went into marriage understanding that love is a choice and marriage takes work, and lots of it.

My husband is my best friend, my greatest supporter, a great leader for our family, a pillar of character and integrity, a hard-working provider, a man with a heart after God, and a servant-hearted and compassionate soul. He is amazing, and I’m totally smitten with him!

Here are some reasons why marrying young is worth it:

By marrying young we’ve essentially grown up together.  As people we constantly change and evolve, but by marrying young, we’ve been able to do that together.  As we grow through different seasons, we are able to lean on one another and we are able to enjoy the process a bit more because our best friend is by our side. This is something I will totally cherish forever, and these moments draw us closer together.

We hadn’t figured out what we wanted in a house, or how I wanted to organize a kitchen, or how we wanted to pay bills.  But you can grow up and make those decisions together, and it’s kinda fun!  We just figured it out ourselves. And because we hadn’t had our own routines for so many of these things, it wasn’t hard to merge.  Marriage has caused us to become more responsible.  As young, married 20-somethings, we went from working our first job to parents to home owners and more.  All before we turned 30.   Certainly there have been bumps in the road, but we’ve gone through them and grown because of them, and we’ve done it together.  I grew up with my best friend by my side.

I’ve never had to be alone.  I never have to live on my own.  I always have someone to come home to, someone I can snuggle with, someone who will encourage me when I am down. I always have a date for weddings, a movie buddy, someone to cook me dinner when I’m too exhausted, to tuck me in when I am sick, to binge watch TV shows with.  I always have my forever boyfriend by my side.

We’ve also grown as Christians.  Marriage has a way of sanctifying you.  This bull-headed, quick tempered, often selfish girl had to learn quickly.  Over the years God has softened and shaped my heart. He has opened my eyes and shown me so many ways that I need to do some hard, heart-work.  I’ve had to learn to handle conflict more humbly with both my heart, my actions and my words.  I’ve had to learn to put my pride aside and continue to learn to really apologize.  Selfishness is constantly being chipped away as we work to put the other’s needs first.

We had babies young as well.  And while not everyone would consider this a benefit to marrying young, we sure do!  Parenting caused us to grow, stretch, lean on each other, be responsible and have a greater grasp on what to really value in life.  The babies, who are now young adults, have brought so much joy and laughter into our home.  I can honestly say we had a great time raising them.  And when those babies move out of the house, we’ll still be in our mid-40s.  And though we’ll miss them, and I’m sure I’ll cry lots of empty nest Mama tears, we’re ready to travel and focus on each other.  We’re still young and we’re still energetic.

I am so looking forward to growing old with my husband, but I am also looking forward to years and years of having fun together before we do get old.  He is my best friend.  He is my lover.  He is my favorite person in the world.  I am so blessed to be able to be with him, and I am so blessed that we do have all these years together.  Why would you not want as many years as you could with the man that you choose?

 

 

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Finding Joy In The Journey

Today.  Wednesday, June 6th.  The day I go in to have an invasive surgery done in my brain (still leary to call it brain surgery).  A day my family and I won’t soon forget.

I’m sure this surgery day started as they all have.  I will tuck my hand inside my husbands and walk into the hospital.  I will put on a ridiculous gown.  We will laugh, a lot.  And I will purpose to find joy in whatever circumstances come today.

Throughout this entire journey I’ve been reminded time and time again of God’s extravagant love for me.  In the darkest places, I found Him there with me.  Speaking to my heart.  Speaking life into the hurt places.  I’ve learned what it’s like to seek joy and find it.  I’ve learned that even in the hard times, He gives us enormous blessings.  I’ve learned joy doesn’t come and go with our circumstances.  But joy can be experienced despite our circumstances.  Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, second only to love, it flows from God, not circumstances.  We have a fundamental need for joy in our lives.  Life without joy is overwhelming, depressing and just plain sad.

God loves all of us extravagantly.  And He’s not finished with a single one of us.  The fact is, He has a sovereign plan that is for good and not evil.  For joy and not sorrow.  He is writing a story of on-going redemption with each of our lives.  Our lives are woven together through seasons.  It’s one person’s season to experience this.  And another person’s season to experience that.  Neither is loved more.  Neither is more dispensable.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 sums up the segment in a few simple, powerful words: He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.

His time. His time. His time. HIS TIME.

Joy comes in knowing Jesus, experiencing His presence and trusting His timing.  Joy comes when we fall more in love with the One who loves us most.  To experience joy is to experience Jesus.

So many times we want joy, but not trails.  We want faith, but not testing.

Y’all, I’m going to be honest, I’ve thought many times how much easier my life would be without pain, without surgeries, without loneliness and without financial hardships.

But God often uses the hard to refine us.  To transform us into the person we were created to be in the first place.  More like Him.

In the short book of Philippians {only four chapters long} Paul uses the word “joy” 16 times.  I find this absolutely amazing.  Do you know why?  Paul didn’t write this book when he was on vacation at the beach.  He didn’t write it overlooking a sunset.  He was in prison in Rome, waiting to be executed.  In the darkest days of his life, he wrote the most positive book in the Bible.

When we find ourselves with Jesus, we can find joy in every journey.  Even when that journey involves brain surgery.

I would totally appreciate if y’all could spare a prayer for me this morning.  But more than that, pray for God’s comfort for my sweet family as they wait during the surgery.  They have the hardest job of all, waiting and worrying.  Not to mention the added stress of not being at the hospital with me.  Pray for comfort, peace and that God wraps His arms around them.  Thanks so much everyone!!!  I know y’all are the best prayer warriors around!

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