Forever Beloved

Last week we looked at our husband’s need to be respected.  But we also touched on a wife’s desire to be loved.  This week we’ll look more closely at what love looks like to wives.

Three times in this passage of Scripture God commands husbands to do something specific: love their wife.

While the wife is instructed to submit, the husband is instructed to love their wife.  Not just kinda sorta love her, but to love their wife as Christ loved the church.  Paul does not tell husbands in this passage to rule over their wife.  They are never told, “make sure your wife knows you’re in authority over her or show her who’s in charge.”  Instead God tells you men three times to love your wife.

Love her.

God’s command to love your wife involves more than just acting in love when you feel emotionally or physically close to your wife.  God doesn’t tell you to love your wife just when she is being affectionate and loving to you.  He doesn’t say to love your wife only when you feel she is deserving of it.  And it doesn’t say to withhold love when she’s sassy {thank goodness}.  God commands: cherish your wife.  Have affection for your wife.  Love her.

I’m going to admit, it takes me a while to catch on to things.  And many times I need it laid right out in front of me.  Sometimes it makes it a little easier when you can read a list.  So I spoke to various wives and asked them what they saw as active love.  I’ve composed a little list of their answers.

• spontaneity (flowers for no reason, a surprise date night)
• being aware of what fills your spouses heart with love and security
• taking the time to get to know your spouse and what makes her feel loved
• listening
• intentional one-on-one time
• being involved in their activities
• lending a helping hand
• affection (holding hands, kissing and butt smacks)
• positive affirmations
• keeping your word
• including her in activities your doing
• love notes
• sex

Husbands, it’s so important to let your wife know how much she means to you.  Tell her.  Tell her over and over again.  Write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it.  Believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know.  And she’ll more than likely shed a few tears.  Give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work.  Just hold her in your arms.  From a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening.  And I betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want!

How did Jesus ultimately show His love the church?  He died to establish it.  Wow… I know, right.  Are you willing to do that?  You are also to love your wife more than you love yourself.  In reality, Christ is asking you to put your wife’s needs before your own.  What makes that difficult is our own selfish hearts.  It doesn’t help that you have the world in your ear, telling you that you are entitled to put your own needs first.  And if you don’t…well then you’re either a sissy, hen-pecked or really foolish.

Submission can’t be forced, ever.  Trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful.  It doesn’t honor God or others.  And it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage.  Being controlling isn’t loving at all.  If your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “Am I loving my wife as Christ loved the church?” If the answer is no, then I’d say that is something you need to work on.  Work on your part and don’t worry about her part.  Once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

A truly Christian marriage will mirror the relationship between Christ and his church.  This mirroring will involve both the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife gladly submitting to her husband.  The two elements, love and submission, are non-negotiable within the relationship.  Both elements, love and submission are required for our marriages to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

So this week…guys, love on your wife.  Hug her, kiss her, hold her, listen to her and just spend genuine quality time loving her.