Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {Respect}

we’ve all heard the saying “men are from mars, women are from venus”.  we all know that’s not true, obviously.  but what is true is God created men and women equally but differently, very differently. we have different designs, different roles and different responsibilities.

God created men with a need to have respect from their wife.  Women were created with a desire to receive love from their husband.  so many times during an argument a wife will react without respect which will make the husband react without love.  that creates an ugly, vicious cycle.

men need to know that they are adequate, that they are enough and that they are worthy of our respect. how often do we truly show our husbands the respect they desire?

so, i know this girl who has a hot, quick temper and a big, fat mouth and she can cut to the bone with words.  she grew up speaking her mind, using harsh words to get her point across. it didn’t mean there was a lack of love for that person, it simply meant she had a point to make. fast-forward to current day.  we now live in an age where it’s common and popular to portray men as idiots, fools and overgrown adolescents. think of how many sitcoms feature an “inadequate husband and wife who knows everything”. and i absolutely admit, i have given in to the “how in the world would men ever survive without us” dynamic. Biblically, i would probably be stoned for my insolence. my husband is a pretty easygoing person, which made it easy for me to step into the role of dictator and look down my nose at him. i tend to micromanage and control and nag and critique. it’s my nature, but it’s not respectful—or loving! and it is something this strong-willed wife is working on, daily.

God’s design for marriage is laid out in Ephesians 5. remember last week we revealed that our marriage was designed specifically to mirror our relationship between Christ and His church. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like. that should change the way we look at our marriage.

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 
Ephesians 5:33

i’ve read this verse over and over again. it doesn’t say respect your husband only when you feel he deserves it, it doesn’t say he has to GIVE respect to GET respect and it’s certainly not up to us to deem when he is worthy of it. God was pretty clear with this verse, the wife MUST respect her husband.  period. unless there is a Biblically moral issue at stake (in which God’s authority will supersede our husband’s).

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24

so, i am basically a pro at pointing out my husbands faults and failures. i can pick up on disrespect lickity-split when it’s coming from someone else but can’t see when i’m being totally disrespectful to my husband. if it takes you a while to catch on like me, sometimes it makes it a little easier when you can read a list. so i spoke to various Christian husbands and asked them what they saw as disrespectful.  i’ve composed a little list of their answers.

  • nagging
  • speaking badly of him in front of others and belittling him
  • not spending time with him
  • yelling at him
  • undermining his authority
  • not giving him the attention he craves
  • withholding sex and using it to manipulate a situation
  • cutting him off mid-sentence
  • shifting blame to him
  • body language – sighing, frowning while you talk and eye rolling
  • criticizing him
  • putting yourself first rather than him and your family
  • not having confidence in his decision making
  • showing other men attention rather than him
every man has his own definition of disrespect and what actions show him that. there are some things that basically every man would find disrespectful and some things that are just specific to your husband. what matters the absolute most is what your husband finds disrespectful. ask your husband what actions these are and make a mental note of them, or write them down in your journal. ask him what actions really speak respect to him also. you’ll know which actions to phase out and which ones to increase. pay attention to all his answers.

as wives, we have so much power to destroy our husbands or to build them up. we need to learn to be respectful wives who value our husbands’ leadership. we need to honor Christ with every word and action! i would bet if we showed them more respect they would show us more love. when a wife respects her husband it deepens her love for him. so really, it’s a win win situation for everyone 🙂 lots of respect and lots of love, sounds pretty amazing to me.  Godly submission and respect not only adorns the gospel; it makes us beautiful as well.

[jetpack-related-posts]

ignite the fire of your marriage {kindness}

yesterday morning as i was blogging, i realized i had forgotten this weeks installment of the “ignite the fire of your marriage” series.  this week has been filled with such craziness that it absolutely slipped my mind.  so, off i went to see what this weeks subject was.
and i was floored.
kindness.  wow.  so, i think when you feel God is speaking directly to you, you had best sit up and listen.  the topic of kindness has rang through my household this week.  i made this post on sunday about being kind to your littles.  and tomorrows post on submission kinda sorta ties in with this as well.  

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. 
 Ephesians 4:32

i think kindness could be boiled down to 3 little words…love in action.  when you are operating from a true heart of kindness, you will be extra careful how you treat your spouse.  you would never want to be unnecessarily harsh or hurt their feelings.  we need to be sensitive to their feelings and tender with our words.  even if you need to say hard things, we need to remember to speak the truth in love.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man
Proverbs 3:3–4

i think if we asked our husbands what they wanted, they would all agree on one thing…a girlfriend.  now, before you fly off the handle i certainly don’t mean another woman entering your relationship.  what i mean is, think back to those first months of dating.  when the only label you had was “girlfriend”.  you complimented him, asked him if he needed anything and pursued him.  you wanted to make sure he always felt appreciated.  you wanted to let him know, through your actions, how much he meant to you.  
then you got married.  and had babies.
now you are sleep deprived, the bills seem never ending, the house needs cleaned, dishes need done and does. the. laundry. never. end.?  the last thing on your mind is being your husbands girlfriend.  but, why is that?  why is it that it’s soooo easy for us to give our all to everyone around us and only give our husbands the left-overs?  
i want to be a wife who never stops pursuing my husbands heart.  i want to be a wife who makes sure, day in and day out, that my husband knows he is appreciated, wanted and respected.  i want to be a wife who has a smokin’ hot marriage.  how can i get that?
kindness.
a thriving marriage requires kindness.  it requires putting your own feelings, tiredness, sassy-mouth and selfishness aside.  it means intentionally showing thoughtfulness, compassion and sympathy to your husband.  these are the moments that will build more trust in your marriage.  the moments you can use to grow your love.  the moments that will get you that smokin’ hot marriage, yeow yeow 😉

don’t wait to be kind to your husband. don’t only give him the parts that are left of you at the end of the day.

be his girlfriend!

this weeks challenge…ignite the fire of kindness in your home this week. be intentional about showing your husband kindness this week. plan a date just for him, treat him to his favorite meal, honor him with your words, and make him feel incredibly special. 
[jetpack-related-posts]

where were you?

it’s funny how thinking back to that day you know EXACTLY where you were, what you were doing, what song was playing on the radio and what the weather was like. i was at work sitting at my desk when a woman came in and said “a plane just hit the world trade center”. at first we all thought it was just a stray plane that wrecked into it. it didn’t take us long to learn differently. soon after we heard of a second plane going into the other building. we all rushed to the only office in the building with a tv. i stood in that office, crammed full of people shoulder to shoulder, and watched as the towers fell. the room was completely silent as people tried to wrap their minds around what was really happening. we then heard of the third plane and we were told they were closing the building. i worked for a state agency so they erred on the side of caution and closed the building.

my first thought, once i realized we were under attack, was i wanted my babies in my arms. i wanted them with me so i could protect them. i wanted to hug and kiss them and keep them safe. i wanted to be surrounded by my family and have my husbands safe arms around me. i left work and went straight to pick my kids up from daycare. i took them home and spent the rest of the day snuggling and cuddling.

my son remembers this day differently, as one of my “not so stellar” mama moments. i was in a hurry that morning and was running late for work.  i had a toddler and a baby, mornings weren’t my friend most days.  i was rushing and shushed them in the sitters door and left, forgetting to kiss them goodbye.  i know, the thought of that now makes my eyes well with tears.  the sitter had the news on, as everyone in the nation did, and my son didn’t really understand what was going on.  he just knew it was something bad.  he spent the morning crying because his mama didn’t kiss him.  isn’t it horrible that he still, to this day, remembers that clear as a bell?  sigh.  what that did do was made me slow down and take that extra 10 seconds to kiss my littles goodbye, even if it meant being late for work.  actually, i still to this day kiss my kids before bed every night and before they go to school in the morning.

i was never more proud to be an american than i was that day. that evening we got out our american flag and hung it on our front porch. basically every home or business you drove past had either a flag hanging or a sign showing their support for america.

that day we bonded as a nation. that day we knew, as a nation, that we needed God, we needed prayer and we needed hope. but oh, how quick we are to forget. today, remember that day. remember how quick we were to fall to our knees and cry out to God. and thank Him, for everything.

ps…and kiss your littles.  always.

[jetpack-related-posts]