Forever Beloved

last week, as i was cleaning my new office space in my home, i came across a box.  as i opened the lid and peeked inside, i saw it was filled with old pictures.  instantly my heart soared.

as i’ve said before, i am enamored with old photos.  so much so that it sparked this insatiable craving to take pictures of people.  to me, pictures are priceless treasures.  i found a box full of moments, perfectly captured, allowing me to travel back in time.

i settled down on the floor, sitting indian style and pulling the box over in front of me.  as i started rifling through the photos, i realized what i was actually looking at.  a smile graced my lips.  i was looking at love letters, in pictures, my parents had sent back and forth while they were dating.  my dad was in the military and stationed across the country.  so their only way of communication was through letters and pictures.

at first, i felt like i had barged into a secret diary.  but i just couldn’t stop looking, reading and smiling.  this is where the legacy of love began.  the legacy that was passed to me and now on to my children.

and now the tears begin.

these pictures, so innocent and hopeful, with no idea of the future. thinking about all of the highs, lows, and wonderful things they’ve experienced together over the years brought me to tears.  they had no sense of the struggles they would eventually face.  they had no idea they would someday have to hold each other through cancer, the death of loved ones and lost jobs.  that one day they would travel to another state and adopt the sweetest baby girl ever.  they had one thing…love.

through that love, and devotion to each other, they sat such an amazing example of marriage and parenting for me.  every day, they wrote more of their legacy together.  a legacy that will be remembered in lives long past their days on this earth.  when we say words like legacy or inheritance, money or heirlooms usually come to mind. but the legacy i’m speaking of is different. it’s a legacy of priceless and intangible things.  they’ve built a legacy of loving God, loving others before yourself and having a selfless heart.

i was given directly by God a family with two parents who are still married. i was given a family where both sets of grandparents were married until their dying day. at times, i wonder how i got so lucky…to be hand-picked by God and places into this amazing family. like a whisper in the wind i’m reminded that luck had nothing to do with it. this is part of my story, the one He wrote long before i was born.

they are incredible parents, living out a legacy of love passed down from both of their parents! they have never tried to be perfect, but they have tried to love me and others well and show us the best example of Christ that they could. they know how to fight when the enemy brings the battle close to home and they know how to praise when another battle is won.  they are my legacy of love.

i grabbed my baby and settled into my rocking chair.  she lay naked in my lap with her hair wildly askew, i picked up her bottle and placed it to her mouth.  i cradled her in my arms, gently rocking her while humming a sunday school song.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

a question children are typically asked.  there are a multitude of common answers…firefighter, policeman, doctor, and veterinarian are among them.  my answer always sounded different.

i simply wanted to be a mama.

“but what else do you want to be?  you can’t just be a mama.  don’t you want to be a doctor and help people?  or be a dentist and make lots of money?”

i just wanted to be a mama.  that’s it.  in my heart and in my soul i knew i was born to be a mom.

as i grew older, the pressure to choose an occupation mounted.  so many days i spent wishing others could see what my heart felt.

eventually, i felt my hearts-song slipping away.  it was drown out by the noise of school work, life-decisions, college and pressure.  it seemed simply being a mama wasn’t feasible or acceptable.

i tucked my heart-song away, only pulling it out when i was alone.  fleeting moments spent standing in front of a mirror, imagining my baby belly, dreaming of what my baby would look like and what songs i would sing when they cried.

i was secretly enamored by the black-and-white pictures from the past, where simply being a mama was enough.  the days when caroline ingalls would tend her house, fields and babies with a humble smile.

while the world was screaming you must work outside of your home.  you must make money.  you must help support your family.  if not, you’re a lazy, worthless mother my heart was saying trust God.  stay home.  listen to the song i sing to you.  the same song you heard when you rocked your naked baby years ago.  


i had a choice to make.


safety and comfort or stepping out and finding my own mama voice.


the choice i made, after years of squelching that voice, was to finally listen to my song.  to embrace it.  to cherish it.  the only regret i have is how long it took me to be brave.

what i’ve now realized is what i’ve referred to as my heart-song, was actually God calling to me.  God had called me,even as a young girl, to be a mother, a wife and a homemaker.

i have to remind myself, God doesn’t call us to be the same, to follow what everyone else is doing, He calls us to be different!  there is one thing i need {more than money, fame and a fancy career}…Jesus!!!  and to be fulfilled in this life i need to follow God’s will for me.  for each of us, this looks different.
 
and if i have the approval of God, the worlds opinion can fall by the wayside.