Forever Beloved

Old home movies, something my kids have always loved. It seemed as soon as I would shut the camcorder off they would instantly want the tape put into the VCR and replayed. I have to admit, I loved watching them too.

Until now.

While watching an old home movie of me dancing around the living room like a crazy fool with two little’s in tow, a particular disturbing scene came across the screen. One of them did something naughty and I completely overreacted. My voice changed. My tone changed. Tears were shed. And the camera was turned off. I winced, lowered my head and sat there with my mouth hanging open.

I had ruined my children’s lives.

That moment would definitely not have been Michelle Duggar approved. I could just see her shaking her head at me in disgust. The guilt swirled around me and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I felt as if i should run over, grab my kids off the couch, hug them and apologize a million times and beg for forgiveness.

I lifted up my head and glanced around the room. The little’s, unphased from the scene, were still watching the home movie. Giggles and laughs abounded. Why are they not upset? Why are they not looking at me with disgust? Though this was a big ouchie mama moment for me, to them it was no big deal. And guess what? They still love me.

I am so thankful that His grace covers the nitty gritty and sometimes ugly of parenting. Just as He is perfectly happy to give our kids room to grow, He also gives us room to grow. With God, we’re never a “bad” mama. We might have a bad moment…or two…or twelve. But a few bad moments doesn’t define us as mothers. Most of the time we learn from our mistakes and we’re better because of them. I’ve came a long way since the day of that horrid video.

{breathe}

The truth is, we’ve all had those Mama moments haven’t we? We all have days that we’re dealing with our tiredness, their sassiness, problems, attitudes and stepping on legos. That produces moments of tension, anger and frustration. I mean, come on y’all, have you ever stepped on a lego? Which then rolls right into doubts, insecurities, guilt and shame. The guilt overshadowing you after those moments is almost unbearable, but does it helps to stay there? Living that moment over and over again doesn’t help anyone, including your little’s.

Fast forward to present day. I have two amazing little’s. They are respectful, God-honoring and truly have servant’s hearts. I actually didn’t ruin their lives. I know I made some mistakes, but I did some things really really right. I am a good mama and so are you. Sure, we might have a few bad moments but we are the exact mom God knew these little’s needed.

18 years ago I married my best friend, my perfectly perfect soul mate. This wild and crazy man could make me laugh by doing nothing. There isn’t anyone else I would rather grow old with. So many people boldly told us that we would never last more than 6 months to a year and here we are, 18 years later, more in love than ever. We’ve had our ups and downs but fought for what was important to us, our marriage.

And with that, I give you 18 things God has taught me in 18 amazingly wonderful years of marriage.

1.  It’s not all about me.  That’s a hard lesson to learn, isn’t it? Contrary to what the world tells you, it’s not about your happiness. It’s not about getting your needs met. It’s about going through life together and serving God and each other. It’s about committing yourselves to each other, even though you may be different people in the years to come.

2.  It’s worth fighting for.  I know that it is not always easy, but it is always worth it. I’m thankful for a strong marriage.  It saddens me to see how many people don’t fight for it, they just give up and walk away.  Goodness, Joe and I both could have walked away a trillion times by now.  But we staid, fought and allowed God to script our love story.

3.  Marriage is not about living happily ever after.  If we were honest, we all crave a fairy-tale and a happy ending. I know I sure did. The problem isn’t wanting a fairy-tale romance but trying to compare your marriage and your spouse to those whirlwind romances in the movies. Open your heart up to Gods love first and He will show you how to truly love your husband without unreal expectations.

11. Never go to bed angry. I know we’ve all heard that one before but it sure is true!  I know when you’re in the heat of an argument {see #6} that last thing you feel like doing is either saying you’re sorry.  But snuggle in, embrace your forgiving heart and say “we can’t agree, but we can forgive”.