Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Dear Fat People

I swore to myself I wouldn’t watch the Nicole Arbour video.  I knew it would just infuriate me.  But after thinking on it for a few days, I decided to watch it so I could at least weigh in {no pun intended} with my opinion.  Just a warning…if you start reading this and go search for the video to watch it…the language she uses is less than stellar.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how emotionally exhausting and triggering this video would be.

If you have followed my blog for any amount of time, you know my journey.  It has been a long, scary, life-threatening, exhausting, grueling journey.  And yes, to be blunt, it has left me fat.

In her video, Nicole spends roughly 6 minutes shaming people for being overweight.  It was intended as satire and controversial humor.  I love humor, I honestly do.  I love to laugh and I love sarcasm.  I didn’t get any of that from the video.

It’s about to get real up in here y’all.

I have lived life in a size 12 body and a size 24 body, and every size in between. I have been called fat, cow, heifer and lots of other names. I have been told I have such a pretty face, if I would just lose some weight. I have been told it’s a shame I got sick, because I was just starting to look good.  Mean words that were said without a second thought, but they stay in my head for years. 

I have distanced myself from people because I was tired of being the fat friend.  And I was positive they didn’t want to be seen in public with me.  I have read fat shaming posts and fat jokes on Facebook daily.  I have listened to someone talk about another person being fat and instantly thought they must feel that same way about me.  I have intentionally walked past a mirror and shielded my eyes so I didn’t have to look at my body.  I have rolled my eyes and thrown compliments away because I knew they couldn’t be true.  I have hidden my body from my husband.  I have starved myself.  I have hated myself.

I have carried oh-so-much shame around with me over those years. And it seemed no amount of self-help books, dieting or trying to sort it out in my head ever worked. I had an unhealthy and unfortunate amount of shame and self-loathing toward my body. I could not imagine why God would give other girls perfect bodies then give me this one.

Learning to love myself regardless of my size was one of the hardest and most crucial things I’ve done. I have been stuck in the not enoughs my entire life. And people exactly like the girl that made this video were certainly contributing factors to that.

If you have never been overweight, you don’t know.  If you have not sat in a doctors office and listened to their diagnosis, you don’t know.  If you have never been fat shamed (which, by the way, IS a real thing), you don’t know.  If you have never had that daily battle in your own mind, you don’t know.  If you have never been made fun of, you don’t know.

We are all women struggling with some type of body image in this media-forced mean girl world.  And it’s time we start building each other up rather than tearing each other down for our differences.  All bodies are good bodies. All bodies are real bodies. All bodies are worthy of love and respect.

Honestly y’all, just love on others.  Remember that every single person you run into is fighting some type of battle that you can’t see.  We are told in Mark 12: 30-31  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”  

I was going to post her comments and my reply to them, but I’m not. I was going to post facts and statistics, but I’m not. Because I don’t need to defend the body that God gave me and neither do you. In moments of weakness, moments of words spoken, moments of videos on YouTube…I refuse to give in to the lies. I will continue to tell myself I am loved, and so are you, just as we are, not as others think we should be.

 
The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

I’m tired of the not enoughs

 

As she teetered across the floor to me, carrying her favorite dolly, I scooped her up in my arms and told her You are absolutely beautiful little girl.

Years later, as she laid on the floor playing with her Polly Pockets and Petshops, she told me of someone making fun of her.  And I told her You are absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

As a teenager, we had a conversation of someone making comments about her.  And she told me I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves.

At that moment, while being so extremely proud of my daughters confidence, I couldn’t help but feel pangs of sadness.  While I had told her this truth for years with my voice, I hadn’t lived it.  I had left her to learn it on her own.

I had all the right words for her throughout the years: That she’s beautiful. That she’s smart. That she’s always enough in Jesus. That her identity is in Christ alone. That God’s approval is all that matters.

I was too busy living with not enoughs, I couldn’t model this truth for her.

How many times I had put on a outfit and scowled at my reflection in the mirror…told myself I was too big, had too many scars, I was unqualified and unworthy. How many days I had questioned my own worth…I was nothing special, ordinary, not thin enough, not pretty enough and not good enough.

What lessons had I been teaching her with my actions?

In that moment when those words left my daughters mouth, I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves, my world changed.  I knew I had to start living what I had been saying for years.

That day, while sitting at my desk, I vowed that I would provide a firm foundation for not only my daughter but all the other young women in my life.  I want them to know that a woman’s identity is found in Christ alone. I want to teach that lesson, not just with my words, but with my life.

So many times, we let the wrong factors define our worth. We allow failed relationships, body image, abuse, choices and health to define us. We allow feelings of being useless, ignored, ugly, overweight, unloved or forgotten. Sadly, we repeatedly allow these factors to define us. We allow our feelings to dictate our identity.I have been stuck in the not enoughs my entire life.

How could I change how I saw myself? How can I redefine myself? How can I master confidence? And do it all with grace?

I knew I couldn’t do it on my own, I needed to get my worth as women through Christ. Not through my feelings, not through others opinions of me, not through situations and not through emotions. But through the hands that shaped me.

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

What does Jesus think of us? What does He think our worth is? Well, He thought you and I were worth dying for! And if He thinks that much of us, why would we ever allow others to degrade the life He went through so much to save? He thinks we are worth far more than rubies! {Proverbs 31:10}

Some days, without fail, old insecurities will come knocking on the doors of our hearts. We’re tempted to tell lies about ourselves to ourselves when we’re rejected or knocked down or feeling not quite … enough.

But in those moments of weakness, I refuse to give in to the lies. I will continue to tell myself I am loved, as-is, not as I think I should be.

Retraining my heart will take years. But I know it is worth the fight.Let me speak directly to your heart. Believe it, sweet girls. Pretty please with cream and sugar on top. Know that what Jesus says about you is genuine – that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter your past. No matter how you feel.  It’s true!

Just Love Yourself

With summer quickly approaching, there is something my Facebook feed is normally filled with…body shaming.  Thin girls shaming big girls.  Big girls shaming thin girls.  Comments like “dress for the body you have, not the body you want”, “I really wish heavy girls wouldn’t wear shorts” and “I can see your ribs, go eat something”.  These comments always break my heart and make me angry.

So very many of us women {and girls} suffer from low self-esteem, no matter what size we are. Normally all our self-esteem issues revolve around our physical appearance. We are obsessed about our weight, hair, skin, facial features and so many other areas. You would be hard pressed to find a woman that would not change at least one thing about her appearance.  Why do we find it so hard to love ourselves?

And yet, we are so quick to cut other women down for simply looking different than us. Just because she has big breasts doesn’t mean she’s a whore, just because she is thin doesn’t mean she is anorexic and just because she’s bigger doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be able to wear shorts. It simply means God made us all different.

I have lived life in a size 12 body and a size 24 body, and every size in between. I have been called fat, a cow and lots of other names. I have been told I have such a pretty face, if I would just lose some weight. Mean words that are said without a second though, but they stay in my head for years. I have carried oh-so-much shame around with me over those years. And it seemed no amount of self-help books, dieting or trying to sort it out in my head ever worked. I had an unhealthy and unfortunate amount of shame and self-loathing toward my body. I could not imagine why God would give other girls perfect bodies then give me this one. And to be honest, I was a little mad at Him for that.

Learning to love myself regardless of my size was one of the most crucial turning points.

Y’all, we need to start helping to build each other up rather than tear each other down. All bodies are good bodies. All bodies are real bodies. All bodies are worthy of love and respect.

Women today are exposed SO MUCH to what society sees as the ideal body. The perfect hourglass shape with no arm flab, a thigh gap, full lips, perfect breasts, and a flat tummy. And if you don’t have those, then you aren’t beautiful. We believe from the time we are little girls that we must have these things. If we’re not the ideal beautiful, then we should be ashamed and not feel like we are good enough.

“I am unwaveringly ME; and the same goes for YOU. No matter what you’re struggling with, embrace what you have to offer, love yourself right this minute and start affecting positive change for yourself and others.”—Whitney

How can YOU learn to love your body no matter what your size?

Don’t believe the lies. Chances are you are basing your actions on lies rather than truth. If you are like most women, you have been told (either directly or indirectly) that your worth is rooted in your appearance. That is an absolute lie. It’s not that pretty and girly things are bad (like make-up, attractive appropriate clothing and a stylish haircut)… it’s that those pretty things are not who we are. We are all made in Gods image. Every single one of us. Do you know what that means? I am beautiful, so are YOU, because we are daughters of the King and we were made in His image. Take a moment and let that sink in. You are perfectly perfect and what He wants you to be. Your value is not in your breasts, hips, hair, lips, eye color, skin tone or stomach muscles.

Buy clothing that fits. And clothes that you feel comfortable, sexy, pulled together and happy in. STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE SIZE ON THE LABEL. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to starve yourself for a week to fit into that dress you bought a size too small, because you just couldn’t bring yourself to buy a size 6/14/24/whatever. Getting stressed about getting dressed in the morning has an unfortunate way of ruining your entire day.


Get active. Take a stand.  Love yourself.  Be positive. Accept compliments. Don’t buy into the media “image” hype. Talk to your husband about the lies the media loves to force feed us. Enlighten your children about authentic beauty, authentic sexual intimacy and God’s plan for marriage

I can be confident. You can be confident. We can all be confident. We can walk through this world with heads and hearts held high as daughters of the King. Daughters who are messy and broken. With Him, we are transformed into beautiful simply because we are His. Understand your identity in Him and the beauty and freedom He bestows on us and the love He extends to us.