to my body…

I would like to start this letter by saying two things…I am sorry + you are beautiful

you are an amazing creation that God designed specifically for me…you have carried me through 35 years of playing + walking + moving + learning + thinking + creating + loving + living…

you have endured multiple displays of my clumsiness, bad luck, horrible aim, dumb-flat-feet-make-me-trip…by multiple I really mean uncountable…but yet, you kept going…you didn’t throw your hands up in the air and say “that’s IT, this girl is unreal…how can she fall UP the steps and DOWN them?”…

after all that…

how do I repay you? I belittle you…I call you fat…I complain about my loose skin + belly pooch + neck fat + droopy eyelids…I compare you to every.single.woman. that walks past me…I talk worse to you than i ever would speak to anyone else.ever.

I am so sorry for that…extremely sorry for that…

I wish I would have appreciated what a perfect gift God gave me when he gave me you…you’ve given me two perfect babies and you’ve helped me walk endless miles with my mama shopping…I want to appreciate you for what you ARE not what I wish you WERE…appreciate my stretch marks for what they are, battle marks from having babies…and my loose skin is from all the hard work you and I have done over the past few years…

I am so grateful for you and I vow I will try as hard as I can to change the ugly way I speak to you…at least I hope to…see these habits, they are kinda hard for me to break…but as you and I know all too well, I can do anything I set my mind to…

thanks again…i ♥ you
~me

i’m totally not going to lie, i’ve been struggling hardcore for a few months. i’ve always kept it real here so no sense in stopping that now. i entered year 3 of my diet/exercise/healthy living and felt like everything fell apart.

i’m not a fan of change, i’ve said that time after time, and this year came a huge change for me…my job that i had been in for nearly 5 years was eliminated and i was moved to a different office in the building…it was a different job with different people, a different desk, a different schedule…basically every single thing about my work day was now totally different (except that face that yes, they did “eliminate” my job BUT i still brought all my job duties along with me)…so not only did i have to learn a new job but i also still had to do my old job (and no, there was not a raise involved)…

my spirit was broken…i spent days and days crying…i tried to fight it but there was nothing i could do…finally i just gave up and gave in…i hung my head, left my office full of girls that i had grown very close with over the years and went to the different office full of all men…at that very point i gave up on many things, including the fight i’ve been fighting for years…at that point, i didn’t care anymore…

i struggled for months…i *knew* what i should do and what i shouldn’t…i *knew* i was giving up…but i just felt too broken to care…thankfully i had enough good days in there to outweigh the bad and i have not had a significant weight gain…

last week something clicked…i decided this job would NOT defeat me…i decided to NOT let change and stress win anymore, i’ve spent too many years doing that…and i’ve worked too hard in the last 2 years to just throw it all out the window now…so i made the change and this week started back to the gym every morning and get back to following weight watchers faithfully…

i am back on track and excited to continue on my journey!!!

out for now
~kisses