This is a day that I dread, one that makes me cringe.  A day where I try my very best to stay away from all social media.  As many of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  And October 13 has been deemed national No Bra Day or Free the TaTas.

I am the daughter of a woman who not only fought breast cancer but won that fight. And not only one fight, but multiple times. Her fight spanned across many years, each one being tough in it’s own way.  From 1981 through 1989 she battled and fought.  And throughout it all, she only asked God for one thing…to allow her to live long enough to raise her daughter.

From her perspective, those years had to be frightening.  The first surgery she had in 1981, she nearly lost her life.  The cancer was more advanced than they first anticipated, and a partial mastectomy had to be performed.  The next battle resulted in a complete mastectomy.  And the last battle included chemo and radiation.

When she first found out she had cancer, I was only six years old.  I can remember playing with the neighbor kids and waving to her as my Grandpa took her to the hospital for her first surgery.  I can remember hearing whispers of her condition when I was around.  I can remember crying, because I just wanted my Mama home.  I can remember the look on her face the first time she showed me her changed body riddled with staples.  I can remember the nights she spent sick from chemo and radiation.  The days her stomach would only allow her to eat rice.  And the morning I found her passed out on the floor because her white blood cell count had dropped.

The intent of this post isn’t to gain sympathy, but rather to give you a glimpse of what the reality of breast cancer is.

Her and I have had many, many discussions about ‪No ‬Bra Day and Free the Tatas. And to a breast cancer survivor, to a woman who fought to live so she could raise her daughter, to a woman that spent many days sick from radiation and chemo, these campaigns are completely offensive.

National No Bra Day is not only offensive to a survivor but also trivializing, belittling, insulting and demeaning to the pain and suffering they’ve endured.

 

This is a great post from a survivor and I think sums up most of their thoughts on this:

The thought of seeing bra-less women flaunting two body parts that I have lost to cancer — more than I already see this on a regular day — does not feel all that supportive.  In fact, it feels quite the opposite

And as my Mama said:

It’s as much as them saying “Look, I have them and you don’t.”

I don’t understand how a day where women are encouraged to share photos of their braless breasts is to be “supportive” for women who are living with or who have died from breast cancer, or who have managed to ‘complete’ the arduous treatments and disfiguring surgeries required to put them into remission.

Answer this question: What does taking that bra off do? Does it bring research, awareness or education?

National No Bra Day was started in July of 2011 by Anastasia M. Doughnuts.  It was started through a Facebook event page and had 400,000 supporters.  It was so successful that it was repeated the following July.  Then someone had the bright idea to have a second No Bra Day annually on October 13th to piggyback on Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  The event page on Facebook for No Bra Day is quite clear in that the occasion is meant to celebrate breasts.  It doesn’t even mention breast cancer until the very last paragraph by stating “Breast Cancer is something you should take seriously and be checked for”.

This day, which many buy into, is nothing more than sexualizing breast cancer.  It’s sexualized by the slang used such as “Save 2nd base”, “Feel your boobies” and “Save the ta-tas”.  It’s sexualized by the provocative imagery used to raise funds and visibility.  It’s sexualized in the names of organizations created to promote breast cancer awareness, such as Coppafeel and Boobstagram.  It’s sexualized by social media users who use the campaign as a guise to post pictures of themselves topless with no intention of promoting breast cancer awareness or donating to research charities.  We’ve sexualized breast cancer so much that a popular porn site has even decided to cash in on it, donating a penny to charity for every 30 “boob-themed videos” watched.

And that, my friends, is sad.

Breast cancer isn’t sexy, it’s devastating.

It’s not only devastating but often times is also disfiguring.  Many women suffer with body image issues after breast cancer.  Ann Marie Giannino-Otis, who runs the blog Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer, said

“My breasts don’t even look anything like what they used to. They’re completely different. We look in the mirror after breast cancer: Our nipples are gone; we have scars that go across our chests; we have either gained a lot of weight or lost weight. We’ve changed completely. We’re not accepting of this body, and now you’re telling us to take off a bra?” she said. “What breast cancer is is taking off our breasts, having a lumpectomy, making them completely unerotic. So you’re sexualizing something that’s not sexy. It’s disgusting.“

Cancer patients don’t have time for cuteness when it comes to the potentially fatal disease they’re faced with.  They do, on the other hand, have an appreciation for realism and action.  Ask a real survivor what you can do to promote breast cancer awareness or how you can honor her fight.  Their answers would include get a mammogram, run a race, donate to the Susan G. Komen Foundation or simply be there for someone fighting a battle.  Taking your bra off isn’t the answer.

National No Bra Day is all about the breasts, not the women attached to them.

The past year I’ve dove deeper into chronic illness, and the diagnosis’s seem to pile up.  It’s all so new, yet so familiar.

I will tuck my hand into my husbands and walk into a new doctors office, sit shoulder to shoulder with smiling strangers all fighting their own terrifying battle.

I can always count on each new hospital to be bathed in white, to have the same beeps and dings ringing throughout and to have the same sterile smell.

And I will always feel guilt.

In the middle of a seemingly normal day, it will wash over me like the warm summer rain.

Something I often feel but seldom speak about because, in all honesty, I feel guilty about guilt.

It can come in seeing chores you used to do faithfully now seem like an insurmountable task.  It can come in seeing a loved ones eyes filled with concern and fear over your illness.  It can come in well-meaning comments from others just come off a little stingy.  It can come in the quiet of the day when you’re left alone with your thoughts.

I feel guilt that my children don’t remember their Mama before she was sick.  I feel guilt that my husband got dealt a sick wife that he has to take care of.  I feel guilt that I can’t be the housewife I once was.  I feel guilt that my loved ones worry so much about me, even though they hide their tears from me.  I feel guilt because I have imposed on the lives of people that I love in ways that are not fair to any of them.

And then I feel guilt because I’m a Christian, and I know without a doubt God has wrote this journey for me.  We are meant to be shiny happy people radiating His love to all who pass us.  We are to be beacons of light not sobbing over not feeling well enough to cook dinner.

I could honestly go on and on with reasons I feel guilty, and I’m sure you can add to the list as well.

But there are a few things I need to remind myself of, some days minute by minute, to combat the overwhelming feeling of guilt.

God chose me.

He hand-picked me to carry these chronic illnesses because He trusts me to remain faithful in the middle of every trial.  He knows I will give Him all the glory.  He chose me to walk this path for a reason.  I always remind myself that reason may be that someone else needs to watch my walk.  They need to see my testimony during the storm.  They need to see “Not I, but Christ”.

Seek out blessings and joy.

So many times we want joy, but not trails.  We want faith, but not testing.

Y’all, I’m going to be honest, I’ve thought many times how much easier my life would be without pain, without surgeries, without loneliness and without financial hardships.

But God often uses the hard to refine us.  To transform us into the person we were created to be in the first place.  More like Him.

My life isn’t over, it’s just different.

I’m still here.  I’m still alive.  I’m still able to laugh with my kids.  I’m still able to go on dates with my husband.  I’m still able to walk next door and visit with my parents.  Yes, my days look different but my life is very much from over.

Those who love us understand.

They just love us unconditionally.  They don’t see us as the inconvenience we feel like we are.  If that means taking more breaks on a shopping day or visiting while you lay on the couch, they are perfectly fine with that.

God loves me.

God loves all of us extravagantly.  And He’s not finished with a single one of us.  The fact is, He has a sovereign plan that is for good and not evil.  For joy and not sorrow.  He is writing a story of on-going redemption with each of our lives.  Our lives are woven together through seasons.  It’s one person’s season to experience this.  And another person’s season to experience that.  Neither is loved more.  Neither is more dispensable.

Let me assure you that our Heavenly Father is aware of all of our struggles, of the guilt and shame you carry daily, and He is reaching out to you with His loving hand.  He is ready and willing to wrap His arms around all of us.  He wants to carry and comfort us through our hard, through the seasons that are exhausting and guilt filled. I encourage you to let Him.  Reach up and let go.  Let Him carry of all your guilt, shame, worry and concern for you.  There will be days you’ll have to continually give it to Him.  The peace He gives you in return is unlike any other.

We are leaving for our vaca!  I cannot wait to spend an entire week with my loves.  I have big plans of laying on the beach daily, shark free please.  I can’t wait to do my morning devotions while sitting by the ocean watching the sun rise.  And walking the boardwalk every evening, while holding hands with my love and enjoying super yummy food.  I made the executive decision that this is a fam vacation to spend time together, technology free. Although I’m sure there will be an Instagram pic here or there!