Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

10 Ways To Encourage Your Teenage Daughter

We are raising daughters in such a difficult generation. A generation that is all about ME. A generation where the world and the media scream to them the most important things are power and beauty. As a mother of a teenage girl, I sadly see how young girls long to be popular. In the process, they claw their way to the top. And those they tramp on? Mere causalities. They lose focus of who they were created to be. Like you, I’ve been there myself.

They are inundated with messages through the internet, television, and magazines that remind them of how they don’t measure up to perfection.  All you have to do is look around a bit while you are in line at Walmart. Nearly every magazine will have a big breasted, half naked woman. What message does that send them? It says to be beautiful, to be attractive, to be wanted and to be worthy you MUST look like that. And if you don’t, well, you’re outta luck.

Every year, girls are engaging in sexual activity at younger and younger ages.  In fact, 23% of all 14 year olds are already sexually active.  There seems to be this huge surge of girls aggressively pursuing boys sexually.  Yeah, that makes this mama gray.

How can we help the hearts of our precious girls?  There are some super important things we must tell them.

1. Purity is cool. (although the world would never tell you that) Just look around, we are constantly bombarded by sex. When you fall in love, it’s natural to want to express your love in physical ways. But you also know God wants you to remain sexually pure—in both your actions and your thoughts. Sometimes it’s a tough balance, but showing love for another and remaining pure is possible. Respect yourself, respect your partner but most importantly respect God. And remember, you’re a lady! Make him treat you as one!

2. Your Worth Isn’t Based on Your Appearance. You are beautiful. Period. Not because of your lip-gloss shade or your new designer jeans. Not because you have on a sassy outfit and super cute new boots. Your worth is never found in your appearance, ever. You are beautiful simply because you were created in the image of God. You are a daughter of the King!

3.  It is absolutely okay to disagree with me.  It’s okay to disagree with others.  You are old enough to have a point of view, and I always want to hear it.  The only thing I ask is always voice your opinion respectfully.  As long as you do that, I will always always be willing to hear your side! 
4.  Modesty.  God gave us, as women, the gift of softness, femininity and beauty. It’s our responsibility to convey those without showing our sexuality. Allow your appearance to reflect your pure and virtuous heart. Know your worth and reflect it on the outside. Your body is a gift from God, honor it as such. I love this quote by Jessica Rey “Modesty isn’t about hiding ourselves, it’s about revealing our dignity”. We can absolutely dress beautifully without being out of fashion or immodest. The search might be a little harder but it’s not impossible. You will probably have to look past the racks they place at the front of the store but I promise it’s not an impossible task.

5.  You are not alone.  Ever. This could be one of the most heartbreaking realities I see among girls – they feel so desperately alone. I can absolutely remember being a teen girl, in a room full of people, yet feeling completely alone. It’s so easy as a young girl to just focus on that loneliness. But remember, you are never alone. God is always with you and I am forever here for you. Give your loneliness to Christ and open your heart for Jesus to show you companionship as He never has before. Embrace that.

6.  Have a servants heart.  It is so so important to love with a servants heart, to have empathy for those who are lost and hurting. After all, Jesus did say the second greatest commandment was to love your neighbors. Reaching out to others, being the hands and feet of Jesus, is one of the greatest callings we have in our faith. Not only does it show the love of Christ for the world, it’s also an opportunity for us to worship God and for us to grow more like Jesus. In today’s world, there is such a focus on self and it is a daily struggle to instead turn our hearts away from self. Take time. Be humble. Keep on. Love.

7. You were uniquely designed you to be YOU. You are His perfectly perfect creation, handcrafted by the same hands that made the stars. Jesus skillfully crafted the body, mind and soul of each and every human being while she was in her mother’s womb. So the next time your self-esteem is lacking or you feel not as pretty, thin, popular, etc. as the next person, just smile and thank the God who made you, died for you, and wants the best for you.

8. Honor your parents.  I know, I know.  I say this and all you hear is the peanuts teacher in your head. Blah blah blah. But this is a big one girlies! God gave one commandment to children, obey your parents. This is more than just obeying them, it’s treating them like important people. It’s treating them with love and respect. Sometimes we are asked to do hard things that we don’t understand, don’t want to do, don’t feel like doing or that anger us. But remember, when we obey God we always know that he will bless us and make us happy.

9. You will never be perfect.  God does not demand our perfection to get His love.  Wow, isn’t that a relief?  God knows there is no possible way any of us could ever be perfect.  Ever.  But if you’ve put your faith in Jesus and received Him into your life then you’ve been declared righteous.  Let’s say that again, if you’ve received Jesus into your life you’ve been declared righteous!  You are covered under His grace, declared righteous and are precious in His eyes and you are held in the hand of His care. You are HIS and he loves you unconditionally.

10.  Guard your heart. You are to keep your heart safe and guard it from attack. Just a quick little side note…because everyone else is doing it is not a good excuse. There is a real war going on right now over your soul. Every single day satan prowls around and looks for an opportunity to pounce on your heart. You must be a warrior princess, put on the armor of God and guard your heart against attack. You need to be on guard about the occult, sexual sin, vanity, envy, greed, sassyness, gossip, lying, anger and pride.
I’m raising a daughter in this crazy world. I won’t always be there to protect her (oh how I wish I could) so I will tell her the truth. I can’t change the world, but I can prepare her for it.

Breastfeeding in Public

breastfeeding. a topic that can ignite an argument among the most reserved mothers.

first of all, let me say i was a proud breastfeeding mama.  i breastfed two babies, one until a year old and one until 9 months (teeth became an issue).  they were breast milk junkies.  i was, and still am, the biggest flag waver of breastfeeding.  i was never in any way ashamed of breastfeeding my babies.  i made it through the ridiculous pain, cracked nipples and leaking-all-through-the-bed weeks.  i was officially a card carrying member of the breastfeeding club.  high five y’all.  God created me, as their mother, to breastfeed them.  i think it was given to us by God for a reason…it gives our babies a little jump-start, it’s so convenient, it’s free and absolutely the healthiest for them. breastfeeding is a natural part of life, and i believe we need to honor that.

a little side story that i can laugh about now…when my daughter was born, my son was two.  so he obviously could see that mama was nursing the baby.  we were sitting in church and my daughter started crying.  my son looking at me and, certainly not in his quiet voice, said “mama, baby is hungry for boobie”.  and yes, i nearly died.  seriously, did my son just say boobie in church?  

this new movement is sweeping across the globe.  it’s basically called the “Breastfeeding Mamas Don’t Want to Cover Up” movement.  you can read an article about it here.

here is my issue…

i might be in the minority, but i am a modest mama. i believe, as mothers and wives, we should dress with a heart that seeks to not draw attention to ourselves. we can absolutely dress beautifully without being out of fashion or immodest. the search might be a little harder but it’s not impossible.  if you have a strong hearts desire to be modest, you’ll also have a desire to breastfeed modestly.

there are two strong (big emphasis on strong) sides to this issue. i’ve even saw a picture that said “go ahead and tell the mother of God to breastfeed discretely in the bathroom”. first i’m going to say, i think that goes a little far. there isn’t a doubt in my mind that Mary breastfeed modestly. i’ve also heard the argument that God created us to nurse our babies. and because of that, we should feel free to nurse wherever and however we want. while i absolutely agree that God has blessed us with the ability to nurse, i don’t feel that gives us a license to expose our body to those around us.

i understand that animals breastfeed their babies in public.  but animals also don’t wear clothes.  aannnnnd they lick their babies behinds to get them to poop.  and chew through their umbilical cord.  yeah…so, not so sure i want to be compared with that.

there seems to be this growing trend that if something is natural, then we need to be okay with it happening in public.  but, i will tell you there are an awful lot of things that are naturally created by God that i certainly don’t want the world looking at, intercourse and conception being two major ones.  i’m also not comfortable with, let’s say, my father or my brothers-in-law seeing my breasts.  and i’m quite sure it would make them feel equally awkward.  so why would i intentionally put them in that situation?  

we need to find a balance between modesty and practicality. after all, we don’t breastfeed to be exhibitionists! your body (and breastfeeding) is a gift from God, honor it as such. we are doing what mothers have done for years and hopefully doing it with modesty and grace. here are a few suggestions for breastfeeding in public that have worked for me, and hopefully they will be a blessing to you and your little!

1.  cover up…as a former breastfeeding mama, i know that this takes about 2 seconds to do.  and boy, are there some cute cover-ups out there!  makes me almost wish i had a nursing baby so i could buy one.  notice i said almost.  and if you don’t have a cover-up, just throw a blanket over you.  seriously y’all, it’s not a big deal.

2.  clothing…when breastfeeding in public, be smart about the clothing choices you make.  they also make these super cute nursing tanks now that you could wear under your shirts.  they would make it so easy to modestly nurse in public!  they will avoid those awkward “belly sticking out” moments all us breastfeeding mama’s have had at one time or another.  i have to say, breastfeeding shirts are much much cuter now than they were when i was nursing.  insert another jealous rant.

3.  location…no, i’m not going to tell you to go sit in a bathroom stall to nurse your hungry baby.  i wouldn’t want to eat in a bathroom and i don’t think babies do either.  i don’t want you to hide out of embarrassment.  or to spare others awkwardness.  but what i do think you should do is pick a quiet, out of the way location.  breastfeeding is about having that quiet, bonding time with your baby.  not about pulling your boob out in public to make a statement.

do any of you have any breastfeeding in public wisdom to share?

out for now
~kisses

ladylike?

i sat scrolling through my facebook feed, shaking my head in disbelief.  a local photographer did a boudoir/bikini shoot and posted all the images on their facebook page.  and they tagged the women in the pictures.  these women, mostly married, now have all their “business” out there for the world to see.  i couldn’t help but think “wow, we’ve so lost our ladylike”.

first, lets define what ladylike truly means.  it’s described as behaving or dressing in a way considered appropriate for or typical of a well-bred, decorous woman or girl.  the synonyms for ladylike are refined, cultured, sophisticated, elegant, proper, modest, respectable, polite, genteel, courtly, well-bred and decorous.

when i think of the word ladylike, my thoughts instantly go to my grandma strong.  my grandma was by no means a fancy lady, but she was class all the way. she was old school, from the days women were truly classy and ladylike. she wore a dress every day of her life. and even when she did wear pants, she wore them under a dress.  her and i had many discussions about clothing.  i remember one specific conversation, sitting around the table snapping green beans.  looking back now, it was something she truly wanted me to know.  she told me about modesty, hair, makeup and even the color of clothing to wear.  i honestly wish i had appreciated these conversations more.  but i was a teenager and the thought of limiting my clothing choices and excluding certain colors baffled me.

first, let me say i don’t see anything wrong with boudoir photography.  i’ve actually shot a few boudoir sessions myself.  and i’ve done a few boudoir sessions of myself for my husband.  God created men to be visual creatures, period.  so with boudoir you can make sure the visuals coming up in his head are of his beloved.  i think any man would be delighted that his wife would think enough of him to give him a gift that takes a lot of courage and love to do.    covering the body can be much more effective than revealing it.  clothing and poses can be modest, tasteful, elegant, cute and sexy.

these photographs can (and should) be such a sweet, beautiful gift from a wife to her husband, to be shared by only their eyes.  what should they not be?  shared on facebook.  shared with men other than your husband.  and for the love of all, they should not be set as your profile picture or cover photo.

oh sweet ladies, you can have confidence without showing your body to the world.  your body is a precious gift to your husband and to him only.  even if he doesn’t show it, you can be sure it hurts his  heart to know other men are gawking at his gift.  in the long run this will eventually just cause problems in your marriage.  it will spark feelings of jealousy and distrust.

remember, your littles are watching you.  i mean, really watching you.  i saw a quote today that just fits this perfectly!  your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.  do you want your children to see you dressed scantly online?  do you want them to hear other kids talking on the bus about seeing your “business” on facebook.  do you want your daughters to do the same thing?

you are so so precious to God and to your husband.  remember that, respect it and honor it.  how you treat your body, how you show it off, reflects your heart.  make sure your heart is reflecting the right thing.

out for now
~kisses