Twenty-two years ago today, my life changed. I can still remember getting ready…teasing my hair, putting on my jeans and flannel and lacing up my boots.  I hopped in my Chevy Celebrity and off I went. Little did I know what that night would hold. I was about to meet the one I had been praying for since I was a little girl.  I was about to meet the heart God had been preparing for mine.

I wasn’t quite sure what to think of this long haired guy covered with tattoos. He was basically the exact opposite of anyone I had dated prior. Which made my heart quietly sigh a hallelujah! He was funny, oh so funny. We would laugh for hours at absolutely nothing. He was a little wild, which my Mama didn’t quite care for. But most of all, he was so sincerely nice and he treated me with respect. What an absolute breath of fresh air that was.

Our paths had crossed numerous times before that night. I can still remember the first moment that I saw his face…staring at me…from behind the pizza counter. And I turned to my friend and said “what in the world is this guy staring at“. I then promptly gave him a sassy look, rolled my eyes, spun around, flipped my hair and left. Time after time, we ran into each other.

Oh men, only six weeks after Christmas and again you’re under pressure to find the perfect gift. And let’s face it, we don’t make it easy on you. You are expected to read our minds and know what the perfectly perfect gift is that our heart is craving. Y’all have no idea how many tears I shed in during our relationship because my husband didn’t inherently know what I wanted to receive. Of course I couldn’t tell him, that would take every ounce of romance out of it.

For the past week I’ve been thinking of what I would love to receive myself for Valentine’s Day. My thoughts kept going a bit beyond the tangible. I began thinking about what, for me, would communicate: I love you, I adore you, I still want to date you, I’m thankful for you, I cherish you, I appreciate you, I see the many things you do that go unnoticed and I love how you take care of our children.

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the popular series of books by Gary Chapman based on what he calls The 5 Love Languages. The main concept of the book is that there are 5 main ways in which people receive and give love: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time. The primary way in which you express love is also the main way in which you receive love from others. Being aware of how your partner communicates love is key here. If you aren’t aware of how they naturally communicate love, you may very well be missing out on all of the ways they ARE expressing love to you on the daily. Take the time to figure out her love language, and gift giving will be made easy!

The gift ideas I offer to you today are those which touch on the intangible. Gifts, that when coupled with some simple actions will communicate more than any one present has the ability to do.

The Gift of Planning
For Valentine’s Day (or honestly any other day of the year), most women would love for their husbands to just plan a date all on their own. Y’all, she would love this! I would love this.  You have no idea how many times my husband asks what I would like to do for our date and my response is surprise me!  Women love for you to take the lead when it comes to pursuing them! You don’t need to ask her what she wants to do or where she wants to eat, just plan it. She’ll adore you taking the time and initiative to plan an entire date, and it will make her feel so appreciated. If you’re married, trust your instincts. You know her likes and dislikes, just go with it. Trust me, she won’t be disappointed.

The Gift of Words
Tell her what she means to you. Tell her. Tell her over and over again. Write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it. Put it on her pillow, on the washing machine or in that book she’s reading. Believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know. And she’ll more than likely shed a few tears. Give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work. Just hold her in your arms. From a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening. To me, this would mean more than all the flowers and chocolate in the world.

The Gift of Free Time
This might be the most simple, yet one of the best gifts ever that a wife could receive! While it is so important to regularly spend time together as a couple, there’s something to be said for a woman having time alone with absolutely NO agenda. Free time without kids, no one needing their noses wiped, no laundry staring them in the face, no curfew of when to be home by and no cell phone interruptions. Allow her to be completely unplugged. Wives, imagine your husband saying, “Saturday I’m getting up with the kids and taking them out. Just sleep in, take a bath and then take the day and do whatever you want to do. Don’t worry about us, just enjoy your day.” If you’re wondering if this is an actual gift, all you need is ten minutes on Facebook. You’ll see just how many Mama’s post about a trip alone to Target feeling like a vacation or craving they could actually go to the bathroom by themselves for 2 minutes. Yep, this absolutely would qualify as a gift! And I guarantee when you get home, she’ll feel like a new woman! Want to take this gift to an entire new level? Add in some gift cards to her favorite stores and one for her lunch. She’ll adore her free day and not having to worry about her spending!

The Gift of Service
As women, we are the keepers of our home. As a full-time stay at home wife and mom who also runs a business, the tasks I do daily often feel not only repetitious but also like they aren’t seen or noticed. Women are generally the ones who have everyone’s schedule and needs simultaneously running through our minds at any given moment. We’re always thinking out beyond the present moment to what needs to happen next to keep it all on track, on schedule and sane. Read this as we’re stressed. Tell her you’re taking over her chores for the day and for her to go sit in the living room and catch up on her DVR’d shows. This will show her that you not only recognize what she does daily, but that you appreciate it. And guess what? She’s going to be like “Wow, this is amazing. I so super love you.”. And guess who is going to look like the hero? Yeah, you. And who will reap the rewards of said hero? Yep, you will!

Hopefully I’ve given you some good ideas, or just some inspiration to come up with your own ideas. I know this post isn’t full of easy-to-click links with flashy pictures, but I hope it challenges you to think about how you communicate love to your partner and how she receives love. Above all, I really challenge you to not just settle into a groove where your spouse is concerned. True love is not selfish, but the amazing thing is that when when you are loved well, you will love well in return. Be inspired, love well, make it an unforgettable Valentine’s Day and move beyond the ordinary into the extraordinary.

I am no stranger to storybook romance.  Marrying at twenty to the sweetest man, I am blessed to be familiar with love – love as a falling and a pursuit and a passion.  We were introduced for the first time on a cold February evening, bundled up as we stood outside while snow gently fell around us.  We stood there with our cherry-red noses, enamored with each other.

I am also no stranger to going against the grain and doing life differently than others.  One month later we were engaged.  We were married three months after that, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.

We both entered marriage in love with being in love.  I adored the romance, comfort and support a spouse offered.  I loved waking up beside him each morning and laying down beside him each night.  I loved that he was my best friend and knew me better than anyone.  We had our own unwritten language and could share a look or a word that no one else would understand but WE knew what it meant.  I loved how he could make me laugh more than anyone else.

Falling in love is the most blissful feeling.  With each new discovery in your relationship, you feel yourself falling more and more in love.  You just know, in your heart of hearts, that you’ve found the right person to spend the rest of your life with.  Your days are filled with dreams of getting married, writing their last name after your first name, having a family and sitting on the porch swing holding hands while watching your grandkids play in the yard.  You are certain these feelings will last forever.  But they didn’t.

Eventually the laundry piles up, the kids are hanging on your leg screaming, you’re both sleep deprived from the new baby, the house looks like a tornado went through and the bills are more than your income.  In that moment you feel your happily ever after wearing off.

You begin to wonder if you even married the right person.   It seems everything he does gets on your nerves, from the way he leaves his socks on the stairs to the way he chews his food.  The person you are married to isn’t the same person you fell in love with.  You begin to doubt your choice.  You look at other couples around you, so happily in love, and you wonder why you don’t have that.  You feel life isn’t fair, at least yours isn’t.  Before long, you can feel your heart slowly drifting away from his.

Throughout the years, I’ve collected every card and love letter my husband has written me.  I have them all safely tucked away but on occasion will pull an old one out and pour over the words.  It’s in that moment, between the lines, I can see this love of ours has, without a doubt, changed over time.

It isn’t because it’s any less.  It isn’t because we’re walking through a valley.  It isn’t because the laundry is piled sky high and the bills are mounting.  It is something different.

Love is more of a choice than a feeling.

Throughout the past twenty-one years we’ve made a conscious choice to daily say that we still do, even now.  Especially now.

He has continued to choose me, even on days I wear sweat pants and a messy bun.  He has continued to choose me, throughout every sickness and surgery.  He has continued to choose me, even when I’m undeserving.

And I’ve chosen him.

Love is strung together choices.  The feelings, undoubtedly, will rise and fall.  Being in love with love will fade as the toughness of life becomes a reality.  As life goes on we all change, we grow, we mature, and life changes us.  But marriage is not meant to be a lifetime commitment to fairy tale love alone.  Marriage is designed to be a repetitive I do, a daily commitment of choosing us over me.  You choose to love who they are at each point in life, not only who they used to be.

Marriage was designed specifically by God to mirror the relationship between Christ and His church.  In marriage, we are acting out a living parable to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way.

Over the years God has softened and shaped my heart.  He has shown me that I need to love my husband without unreal, fairy tale expectations.  He has shown me that marriage means intentionally looking for love.  It’s in those moments I am flooded with displays of love right in front of me.  Love is the endless miles he’s driven me to doctor appointments.  Love is the hug, kiss and butt slap I get when he walks in the door.  Love is the laundry he does.  Love is his understanding that somehow 8 backyard chickens suddenly became 50.  Love is his support of all my crazy Pinterest ideas.  It’s in these ways and thousands of others that he shows me, he tells me, he loves me.

I am so thankful our love story has so many chapters left to be written in it.  As your love story is written by the ultimate Author of love, you might just be surprised at the romance you find.  And just how much your husband does, in fact, resemble prince charming.  No matter what the situation, or what mess it may hold, he’s still my hero and I’m still his girl.