Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Why I’m Thankful We Married Young

married couple

Today I am celebrating 22 amazing, hard, exhausting, lovely, fun, exasperating, learning, beautiful, blessed and love filled years I’ve been married to this man.

We are no strangers to storybook romance.  Marrying at 20 and 22, we are blessed to be familiar with this form of love – love as a falling and a pursuit and a passion.  We were introduced for the first time on a cold February evening, bundled up as we stood outside while snow gently fell around us.  We stood there with our cherry-red noses, enamored with each other.

One month later we were engaged.

We were met with opposition the moment he asked me to marry him.  At 20 most people still consider you to be a child, not yet an adult, and surely too young to consider marriage.

But we disagreed. We were ready, we felt called, we wanted more.

We were married three months after that, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.

We heard many opinions on our young, fast marriage.  Why would you get married so soon?  So young?  It won’t last longer than 6 months.  I bet you’re pregnant.  You are still kids, live your life first.

Our modern culture simply doesn’t understand why someone would get married so young and so fast (or have babies before 30 for that matter!).

Oh how thankful I am to have spent such sweet, formative years with my one and only.  How grateful I am that we knew back then that this was IT — that love is a covenant and you choose to love every day.  Love is what you do.  We set our love upon one another, and that love has only deepened, matured and strengthened over the years.

Maybe my husband and I were in the minority. We probably were.  But we went into marriage understanding that love is a choice and marriage takes work, and lots of it.

My husband is my best friend, my greatest supporter, a great leader for our family, a pillar of character and integrity, a hard-working provider, a man with a heart after God, and a servant-hearted and compassionate soul. He is amazing, and I’m totally smitten with him!

Here are some reasons why marrying young is worth it:

By marrying young we’ve essentially grown up together.  As people we constantly change and evolve, but by marrying young, we’ve been able to do that together.  As we grow through different seasons, we are able to lean on one another and we are able to enjoy the process a bit more because our best friend is by our side. This is something I will totally cherish forever, and these moments draw us closer together.

We hadn’t figured out what we wanted in a house, or how I wanted to organize a kitchen, or how we wanted to pay bills.  But you can grow up and make those decisions together, and it’s kinda fun!  We just figured it out ourselves. And because we hadn’t had our own routines for so many of these things, it wasn’t hard to merge.  Marriage has caused us to become more responsible.  As young, married 20-somethings, we went from working our first job to parents to home owners and more.  All before we turned 30.   Certainly there have been bumps in the road, but we’ve gone through them and grown because of them, and we’ve done it together.  I grew up with my best friend by my side.

I’ve never had to be alone.  I never have to live on my own.  I always have someone to come home to, someone I can snuggle with, someone who will encourage me when I am down. I always have a date for weddings, a movie buddy, someone to cook me dinner when I’m too exhausted, to tuck me in when I am sick, to binge watch TV shows with.  I always have my forever boyfriend by my side.

We’ve also grown as Christians.  Marriage has a way of sanctifying you.  This bull-headed, quick tempered, often selfish girl had to learn quickly.  Over the years God has softened and shaped my heart. He has opened my eyes and shown me so many ways that I need to do some hard, heart-work.  I’ve had to learn to handle conflict more humbly with both my heart, my actions and my words.  I’ve had to learn to put my pride aside and continue to learn to really apologize.  Selfishness is constantly being chipped away as we work to put the other’s needs first.

We had babies young as well.  And while not everyone would consider this a benefit to marrying young, we sure do!  Parenting caused us to grow, stretch, lean on each other, be responsible and have a greater grasp on what to really value in life.  The babies, who are now young adults, have brought so much joy and laughter into our home.  I can honestly say we had a great time raising them.  And when those babies move out of the house, we’ll still be in our mid-40s.  And though we’ll miss them, and I’m sure I’ll cry lots of empty nest Mama tears, we’re ready to travel and focus on each other.  We’re still young and we’re still energetic.

I am so looking forward to growing old with my husband, but I am also looking forward to years and years of having fun together before we do get old.  He is my best friend.  He is my lover.  He is my favorite person in the world.  I am so blessed to be able to be with him, and I am so blessed that we do have all these years together.  Why would you not want as many years as you could with the man that you choose?

 

 

Happy Birthday To My Love

 

This man.  You guys.  Oh….this one, he’s a gift.  He’s a gift to me every single day.  But I’m so glad that he has so much abundance in him, because it just extends to everyone around him – including all of you.  It’s so beautiful to witness that first hand each day.  I’m wildly crazy about him.  Still.  And when a girl is wildly crazy about a man, it’s hard for her not to shout it out to the world.

He turns 45 today!!!  So I’m going to continue the tradition and list 45 reasons (in no particular order) WHY I am totally, utterly and completely head over heels in love with him.

1.  Watching you grow in your walk with the Lord, I love that so very, very much.  It makes this tenderhearted wife teary.  I adore your willingness and heart to help walk alongside other Christian men.  I can’t even put into words how proud I was to watch you get baptized alongside our sweet babies.

2.  You amazingly lead this household.  You’ve encouraged Christ entering our marriage, you’ve lead our home and gently guided me. You’ve shown me such grace, which I am so thankful for.

3.  You chose me, and that you continue to choose me daily, despite my imperfections and annoying habits.  Even when I’m cranky or passively-aggressively making a statement about cleaning or something stupid.

4.  You are an amazing father.  Watching you love our babies has been a complete joy.  You love our kids with the most beautiful tangible expressions.

5.  I love that you hold my hand while you drive.

6.  Your voice still melts my heart after all these years.  It instantly takes me back to that day 22 years ago…when you sing to me, I get tears in my eyes still.  And for a moment, nothing else matters.

7.  It doesn’t matter what size I am, you always tell me how beautiful I am.  Not only do I totally believe you see me like that, you make me see myself like that too.  You have no idea how much that means to me and how much I appreciate it.

8.  You give me the most beautiful picture of Christ-like love in the way you pursue me patiently and never give up on me. And you never will give up.

9.  You make up for my weaknesses, covering them with your actions, demonstrating your love for me.

10.  You get totally excited about the same simple country pleasures I do. Whether it’s a hot loaf of homemade bread, a new recipe to can or a late night 4-wheeler ride.

11.  You have such a beautiful selfless heart.

12.  When I see someone broken down along the road, I automatically know you’re going to stop.  I love that you’re so willing to help a stranger.

13.  I love your spontaneity and that I can ask you to go anywhere on a complete whim, and you will!  And that you’re willing to drive every single time.

14.  You always know the absolute perfect time to give me a hug accompanied by “It will all work out babe”.  P.S. you give the best hugs ever!

15.  I am at rest with you, and when you’re away my heart longs for you.

16.  Long summer 4-wheeler rides on those warm days.  Which also means me sneaking in some snuggle time.

17.  You explain football calls to me {and basically every other aspect of the game}. Even though you know perfectly well that I will interrupt the next game asking the same annoying questions.

18.  This crazy chicken adventure we’re on together.  And the grace you showed me when chicken math became a real thing.

19.  Your passion for music.  It has such a special place in our love story.  And how you’ve made it such a big part of our lives and now our children’s lives.

20.  You respect me as a person and as your wife.

21.  I’m so incredibly thankful God gave me such a handsome husband.

22.  You know how important pictures are to me, especially since I’m a photographer.  You round everyone up and hop in the family picture without complaining.

23.  I’m thankful for how good you are at geography.  You know if it was up to me, we wouldn’t make it too far out of town.

24.  Your constant, never-ending support of me.  While others doubted I could make a photography business successful, you never doubted my abilities.

25.  Still having a smokin’ hot marriage after nearly 22 years.

26.  You’re always so quick to apologize to me even though you know I’m not so quick (or good) at it.

27.  Your knowledge of the news, politics and gun rights.  You always know what is going on, which is good because I never do.

28.  You love self expression just as much as I do.  I love our long conversations about tattoo ideas.

29.  Even when your skin is melting off you still let me cuddle all night long.

30.  Your love of trucks equals mine.

31.  I love this new season we are in life.  Our weekends away together are the best and I sure do love reconnecting with you.

32.  You make me laugh every single day.

33.  We make a great team!  We can work side-by-side doing any project, whether big or small.  I love that you’re not afraid to tackle anything with me, no matter if it’s fixing the coal furnace, helping me glue flowers on a baby bonnet or navigating the streets of a new town with me.

34.  Your complete willingness to help me pack my car for every single newborn session and even accompanying me to the session if I need an assistant.

35.  You thinks it’s hilarious to chase me around the house or up the stairs.  You laugh every single time.  And, without fail, I will scream even though I know it’s you.  And if I pee my pants you laugh even harder.

36.  All the little funny memories we’ve made together.  Laughter has always been such an important part of our marriage.

37.  You always know the right words to make me feel better.

38.  I love that you’re always so willing to anonymously pay for a strangers meal.

39.  With all my sicknesses, surgeries and hospital stays over the last few years you’ve never hesitated to jump in and take over everything yourself.  Never once complaining of the extra workload on you, in addition to your full-time job.  You are such an amazing blessing!

40.  You have such a sweet love and compassion for animals.  And the fact that you don’t get mad when I tell you I may be hatching us out a few more chicks.

41.  You’ve wiped away my tears, been a listening ear, and made me laugh at the stupidest things at the perfect moments.

42.  You know how important it is to still date me, to dance with me in the kitchen while I’m cooking dinner and to write me an occasional love note.

43.  You put up with my indecisiveness and my constant inability to make it through a movie without crying- and you do it all with a smile and a snuggle.

44.  You are my rock, my joy, my constant reminder that God is good and that He had us planned from the start.

45.  Simply because you are just you.  The man I feel in love with 22 years ago.  The man I still love madly, more and more everyday.

Happy Birthday sweet boy!  I love you!  Sharing my life with you is one of the greatest gifts of my life.

The Hardness of Marriage

As I was browsing through my feed, I came across a post from a sweet wife.  She had a rough marriage day, and felt safe to vent about her husband there.  She felt as if she was among friends and I understood her reason for reaching out.  What shocked me was the hundreds of comments that followed, urging her to leave her husband.  You deserve better, you need to just leave, he clearly doesn’t love you, follow your heart and you are worth more than this were among some of the ones repeated over and over.  I can’t imagine how overwhelmed her heart must have felt.  And my heart broke for her.

Haven’t we all had days like that, in the messy trenches of life?  The kids are screaming and one is hanging off your leg, the laundry and dishes are piled to the ceiling and your husband just walked through the door and didn’t take his muddy boots off.  We’ve all had those days.  After all, marriage is just two imperfect people living together, failing daily.

Because to be completely honest, I’m going to say something you don’t want to hear so brace yourselves…marriage isn’t that hard.

And before you say “that’s because you haven’t been through what we have”, let me tell you this.  We’ve endured the loss of parents and grandparents.  We’ve had a routine surgery end in a near-death experience.  We’ve been through 17 surgeries at 6 hospitals in 2 states with countless different surgeons.  We’ve heard “you need a stent placed in your brain” and then endured some very sleepless nights while counting on doctors, nurses and clinics all while relying fully on the Lord.  We’ve lived through a separation, job changes, night-shifts, sleepless nights of sick children, financial strain and differing opinions.  And we’ve been poor y’all, like count-your-change-to-go-to-the-store poor.  But I can still look you in the eye and say that marriage is not hard.  And I mean that.

What is hard is life.  But waking up next to this sweet man, my best friend, every day is not hard.  Having someone by my side that has seen me at my weakest and my worst, that looks past the 3rd day of dry shampoo and sweatpants, that knows the good and bad of the depths of my soul but loves me anyways…that is not hard.

When our focus shifts to the hardness of marriage, we not only rob ourselves of the joy found in displaying the love of Christ but we honestly downplay the beauty of it.  Christian marriage is intended to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.  Let me say that again, because it blew my mind when I first learned it.  Our marriage was designed specifically to mirror our relationship between Christ and His church.  We are acting out a living parable where husbands represent Christ and wives represent the church to bring glory to God and to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way.  Does that change the way you look at marriage?  It sure did with me.  God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like.

Marriage means intentionally looking for love.  It’s choosing each other daily.  Love is strung together choices.  The feelings, undoubtedly, will rise and fall.  Being in love with love will fade as the toughness of life becomes a reality.  As life goes on we all change, we grow, we mature, and life changes us.  But marriage is not meant to be a lifetime commitment to fairy tale love alone.  Marriage is designed to be a repetitive I do, a daily commitment of choosing us over me.  You choose to love who they are at each point in life, not only who they used to be.

Every hardness we come across in our marriage can be traced back to sin – infidelity, porn addiction, insecurity, jealousy, selfishness, on and on.  That is why we see a culture full of broken marriages.  I’m not discounting hardship in whatever form it appears in your marriage, but you can’t run from sin.  That’s the thing about sin, it will just follow you into your next relationship.  Eventually, hardships will appear in that marriage as well.

Staying married isn’t always easy.  It might mean you giving up your right to win, giving up always wanting to be right and having the last word, putting your pride aside and putting your spouses needs before your own.  The beautiful thing is the more we put these practices to work, the more you become like Christ.

Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Our marriages aren’t exempt from this.  When we are in the middle of a trial in marriage, it’s hard to see how God could ever use it for good.  But He has promised to use them for good, and He is faithful to keep His word.  Give your marriage over to God and allow Him to heal the hardness.  And He will bring beauty from the ashes.

When I fail (do I ever y’all), when I hope my husband chokes on his cereal, and when I am anything but the perfect wife, it is because I am a broken woman in a broken world – it is not because marriage is hard, it’s because sin is hard.  The only way to make your marriage truly work is to center it on Christ.  You have to rely on God for wisdom, power, love and strength for your marriage.  And forgiveness, for that one time you hoped he would choke.