To my sweet, sweet man…
Twenty-three years ago today, I became your wife. Today we celebrate 23 amazing, hard, exhausting, lovely, fun, exasperating, insightful, beautiful, blessed and love filled years I’ve been married to you. Where do I even begin?
At 22 and 20, we were just a couple of kids so madly in love. We didn’t know a lot back then, but we knew one thing for certain: we belonged together. And now, over two decades later, I can say with absolute certainty that the past 23 years with you have been the best of my entire life. When you asked me to marry you, you knew you were getting a broken girl. Yet you grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and stepped forward with me. With you by my side, everything else seemed to melt away. At that point in my life I needed to feel worthy, loved and protected. I needed so badly to feel safe, to not feel as if I needed to constantly look over my shoulder and to not be scared anymore. And with you I have always had that. You rescued me from all the past pain, struggles and hurt. With you, I have always felt safe and protected. While we always joke and say I saved you, in all actuality you saved me.
You also knew you were getting a strong-willed girl, though I’m not sure you knew the extent of it. I was a woman who had spent her entire life striving to be viewed as strong, independent and not needing a man. I could change my own oil, put shingles on my house and braze anything that needed it. I thought I knew it all and needed a man for nothing. And the thought of being submissive to anyone, let alone my husband, not only scared me but made me angry. I even suggested having honor and obey taken out of our vows. But over the past 23 years, as Christ entered our marriage, you’ve lead our home and gently guided me. You’ve shown me such grace which I am so thankful for. I now consider it such a joy to be submissive and love watching you lead our family!
Twenty-three years later, and are you still the man of my dreams? Yes and no.
You aren’t perfect, but you are perfect for me. You have seen me at my worst yet staid by my side holding my hand. You understand my hopes and dreams, always supporting them. And catch me every time I fall.
You make me smile when I’m feeling sad and make me laugh so hard when I’m mad as a hornet. You remind me that life doesn’t always have to be serious and try and break me out of my “plan everything” shell and teach me to be spontaneous. You teach me daily the importance of loyalty, forgiveness and selflessness. You’ve taught me that family doesn’t always mean blood. And you embody the courage to say I love you even during the moments I can’t.
Thanks to you, I’m a little more fun, a little more vibrant, a little more youthful and a little less worrisome. At least I try to be. And despite all the ups and downs of marriage, I know you love me inside and out regardless of my size, for who I am, not for who I appear to be.
Our marriage has gone through loss, countless ups and downs, sickness and health, two babies and a soon to be daughter-in-love, job changes, night-shifts, sleepless nights of sick children, financial strain and ease, differing opinions and enough explosive fights to blow most people’s fights out of the water. We’ve loved hard and fought even harder. We fought hard because we were afraid to lose each other in this reality called marriage. At times we’ve felt betrayed by the stranger who seemed to have replaced each other, and other times we were afraid because our marriage felt like it was sinking. During these moments we fight not to love, but to pass through the valley together without letting go of each other’s hand. We can’t lose hope and we can’t give up on each other. We keep walking and we keep trying. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s me and sometimes it’s both of us. But one thing remains certain.
We have a mutual understanding, a silent contract, a promise that binds our two souls. We both know with God at the center of our marriage anything is possible. No matter how hard it seems, we don’t give up on each other.
What is hard is life. But waking up next to you, my best friend, every morning is not hard. Having someone by my side that has seen me at my weakest and my worst, that looks past the 3rd day of dry shampoo and sweatpants, that knows the good and bad of the depths of my soul but loves me anyways…that is not hard.
What I’ve realized is the man of my dreams wasn’t real, it was a fairy tale I created in my mind. And what we’ve come to realize together throughout these 23 years is marriage means intentionally looking for love. It’s choosing each other daily. Love is strung together choices. The feelings, undoubtedly, will rise and fall. Being in love with love, which I was as a young bride, will fade as the toughness of life becomes a reality. As life has went on we’ve changed, we’ve grown, we’ve matured, and life has changed us. But I’ve also learned marriage is not meant to be a lifetime commitment to fairy tale love alone. Marriage is designed to be a repetitive I do, it’s a daily commitment of choosing us over me. We’ve chosen to love each other at each point in our lives.
Together through the years we’ve learned so much. It much easier to allow you to chose the restaurant, otherwise with my indecisiveness would surely starve. Always hold hands, even when you’re mad. And especially in church. Continue to pursue each others hearts and never stop dating. The kids will survive if you turn on Spongebob and lock your bedroom door. Kiss and dance around the kitchen while you’re cooking dinner. Never turn down a butt smack. Be each others most important friend. Listen to everything we say to one another even when you’re not interested. And most importantly, never treat divorce as an option.
Thank you for daily loving me, cherishing me and appreciating what I do for our family. Thank you for daily accepting my flaws, forgiving my wrongs, accommodating my weaknesses and inspiring me to be better.
Today, on our twenty-third anniversary, I realize that we are once again completely unaware of what the years ahead may hold. But as we continue to walk down that road I know that we will be together with God by our side. You will be right there, holding my hand, as we walk through the valleys and reach the beautiful mountaintops. And I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.
I love you sweet boy.
PS…thank you for always being the official spider killer so I don’t have to burn our house down.
