Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

friendship in marriage

friendship in marriage is truly a beautiful thing to share together. we all have that song in our hearts. the longing to be “best friends”. the melody takes us back to our best friends, the boys and girls we hung out with when we were little – innocent times, free times, fun times. these were when we shared our secrets and our dreams with our bestie. the Lord puts that song in our hearts when we’re married, the desire to be best friends with our spouse. it’s up to us to read the lyrics God wrote for friendship and learn how to apply it in our marriage.

marriage begins like any other friendship, you are drawn to each other because you have things in common. once you’re married, the stress of life can enter the marriage and cause you to grow apart. we surely all know there is no lack of stress in marriage. when we focus so much on the stress, a lot of times our relationship with our spouse is put last. so often when the friendship fades, irritability seems to step in to replace it.

building friendship in marriage takes a lot of work and time. we have to realize that straight away and commit to it. if it’s something you truly want, the hard work and commitment won’t feel like a big deal at all. i think one important thing is choosing to spend time together rather than apart. whether it’s taking a quick trip for ice cream or sitting beside him watching football, time together is absolutely precious.

find out what makes your spouses heart happy, what makes them smile and what their interests are and explore them together. it might be football, gardening, photography, art or hunting. this is one that takes sacrifice. when i was first married there wasn’t anything i hated more than sports on tv. it didn’t interest me a single bit. but, i have a husband who loves football (the green bay packers to be specific) and a son who plays football and soccer sooooo there are lots of sports-ish things going on here. and ya know what, i love sitting beside my husband in the bleachers on a friday night watching my son play football. i’m trying with everything i have to learn more about the game (this is the sacrifice part) so that i can participate in a convo with my husband while we are watching the game. turns out my million questions like “what was that”, “why did they do that” and “what does that mean” is more of an irritation.

take the time to find out what it is that you still have in common. chances are you will find out you still have quite a few things in common. find out what the common interests are and explore them together. joe and i love truck pulls, watching big brother and random road trips. don’t forget to have fun! fun is a key ingredient to a successful friendship. no one wants to spend time with a debbie downer.

make sure that you are being gentle with one another, understanding and nourish each other. when joe’s parents were sick, he spent a lot of time away from home and with them. it would have been super easy for me to let myself get irritated that he wasn’t here. not only would that have been super selfish but it deffo would not have been what God wanted me to do. God wanted me to comfort Joe, hold him and lift him up in prayer. and that was a time in our marriage when we grew closer together.

when there is a weakened friendship, it can lead a spouse to seek intimacy in other places. remember, God made us to crave that “best friends” feeling with our spouse. if your spouse feels lonely, they might seek that connection from someone else of the opposite sex. don’t let your marriage fall into that trap. make a conscious effort to establish and grow your friendship with your spouse. make sure that you are nourishing it.

joe and i turn any alone time together into a mini-date. whether it is running to the grocery store or a quick little ride on the 4-wheeler together. snuggle in, hold hands and make that time together count.

so i challenge you, get honest with your love; talk late into the night like when you were dating, ask him what some of his interests are or go on a date. there are so many ways to cultivate friendship in marriage!

It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up – painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction. ~ C. S. Lewis

out for now
~kisses

honoring your husband ❤

just like wives need love, husbands need respect.  God created men with a need to have respect from their mate. husbands desire respect while women desire love.  men need to know that they are adequate, that they are enough and that they are worthy of our respect.  how often do we truly show our husbands the respect they desire?
God’s design for marriage is laid out in Ephesians 5.  i recently read it explained this way… God’s highest purpose in marriage is to showcase the intimate relationship between Christ and His people. we are acting out a living parable where husbands represent Christ and wives represent the church to bring glory to God and to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way.  does that change the way you look at marriage?  it sure did with me.  God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like.  
Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 
Ephesians 5:33

i’ve read this verse over and over again. it doesn’t say respect your husband only when you feel he deserves it, it doesn’t say he has to GIVE respect to GET respect and it’s certainly not up to us to deem when he is worthy of it. God was pretty clear with this verse, the wife MUST respect her husband.

so, i know this girl who has a hot, quick temper and a big, fat mouth and she can cut to the bone with words. and i’m she is pretty good at pointing out her husbands faults and failures. and can pick up on disrespect lickity-split when it’s coming from someone else but can’t see when she is being totally disrespectful to her husband.  if it takes you a while to catch on like me her, sometimes it makes it a little easier when you can read a list.  so i’ve composed a little list of things men see as disrespectful.

  • nagging
  • not spending time with him
  • speaking badly about him infront of others and belittling him
  • yelling at him 
  • undermining his authority
  • withholding sex and using it to manipulate a situation
  • cutting him off mid-sentence
  • shifting blame to him
  • body language – sighing, frowning while you talk and eye rolling
  • criticizing him
  • not giving him the attention he craves
  • putting yourself first rather than him and your family
  • not having confidence in his decision making
every man has his own definition of disrespect and what actions show him that.  there are some things that basically every man would find disrespectful and some things that are just specific to your husband.  what matters the absolute most is what your husband finds disrespectful.  ask your husband what actions these are and make a mental note of them, or write them down in your journal.  ask him what actions really speak respect to him also.  you’ll know which actions to phase out and which ones to increase.  pay attention to all his answers.  
as wives, we have so much power to destroy our husbands or to build them up.  we need to learn to be respectful wives who value our husbands’ leadership.  we need to honor Christ with every word and action!  i would bet if we showed them more respect they would show us more love. when a wife respects her husband it deepens her love for him. so really, it’s a win win situation for everyone 🙂 lots of respect and lots of love, sounds pretty amazing to me.  our men need our encouragement, respect and love. 
out for now
~kisses

a love letter ♥

dear amazing, loving man…

little did i know that first night i met you that you were the one i had been praying for since i was a little girl.  so many nights i spent on my knees, praying.  over the years the prayer changed from asking for prince charming to asking for a man that would simply treat me well.  all those years God knew you were the man for me, my future husband, and was busy preparing your heart for mine.

there are no words to describe how thankful I am that God brought us together.  we were two imperfect sinners that God saw something in.  others around us didn’t understand it, but it didn’t matter.  God knew exactly what He was doing and His plan was perfect.    

at that point in my life i needed to feel worthy, loved and protected.  you rescued me from all the past pain, struggles and hurt.  you showed me i didn’t need to be weary, always questioning, afraid and on alert.  in your arms i felt safe and protected.  you showed me that God did answer that little girls prayer for a prince charming.
you knew you were getting a broken girl, yet you grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and stepped forward with me.  with you by my side, everything else seemed to melt away.  you put up with so much in those first days; tears that came from nowhere, fear that wasn’t understood and anger that was unfounded.  yet by my side you stood.
and your voice, oh that voice, i’m not sure you ever truly understood how much it meant to me.  when you sang to me, i believed every single word.  your voice mended my broken heart.  it sewed the pieces back together.  your voice lifted me up, making me feel as if i was the only beautiful girl in the entire world.  you didn’t just sing to me with your voice, you sang to me with your heart.
thank you for seeing something in me that i didn’t even see in myself.  it wasn’t until i was encompassed by your love that i could open my eyes and see the beautiful, worthy girl.  i’m so sorry that 17 years later you still have to remind me to open my eyes and see her.  
i wish you could see yourself through my eyes.  such an amazing man i’ve been blessed with.  you wonderfully lead our home.  you are so patient with me (which is no easy task, sir).  you bear with me, gently correcting me.  i absolutely admit, i’m not always joyful.  yet here you are, still by my side.
a million thank yous.
i love you so very much, mr. cutler.
xoxo
amy