Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Dating Vs. Courtship

when i was a teenager, i couldn’t wait to turn 16 and start dating.  i actually didn’t know there were any other options and had never heard of courtship.  i had a few long term relationships, got my heart broken and accumulated suitcase after suitcase of emotional baggage.  those emotional scars would shape and transform the person i was.

as i’ve grown older, i’ve purposely learned more about courtship.  courtship is also a topic that’s important to me because i think a lot of Christian young people have had their hearts broken through dating.  as a mama, i want to protect my kids from that.  i’m purposely trying to cultivate a courtship mindset in my littles.

like I said earlier, anyone who’s played the dating game knows that a broken heart or hurt feelings is part of the package. it’s unavoidable, period. you place your heart in the hands of different people in hopes of YOU finding the one. doesn’t sound very wise, does it? you will, undoubtedly, end up feeling rejected, hurt and abused.

the alternative?  courtship.  what is courtship?  let me try to explain it, from what i’ve learned.  now, i’m not an expert by any means.  so if you see something i’ve wrongly stated, please correct me.
*  courtship involves one guy and one girl.
*  courting is a commitment that this is the person you want to consider the next step with,  you are both ready to consider marriage.  which means courtship isn’t entered into during preteen or early teen years.
*  the young man initiates the process.  this is something our world has gotten away from.  these days, girls and boys ask each other out.
*  courting is learning about selflessness, sacrifice, loyalty and faithfulness.  what you put into practice before you marry, is what your marriage will end up being a reflection of.
*  the couple are getting to know each other with the purpose of considering each other as potential spouses, not just someone to go have a good time with.
*  the girls emotions are protected.  if the young man has no intentions of marrying her, then courtship isn’t entered into.
*  the couple is always chaperoned.  we don’t want to put our kids in horrible tempting situations that are too close for comfort. expecting anyone to resist the temptation for sexual sin when alone with a boy/girlfriend as their relationship grows deeper is a stretch. they have chosen to remain pure until marriage, but that doesn’t mean the temptation won’t be there.  just because our littles love the Lord doesn’t mean they are immune to sexual temptation.  
*  the couples parents provide advise and guidance.  we need to be extra involved in their lives, talking to them, being their friends, advising them, protecting them.  what we don’t need to do is send them alone in a car with their girlfriend or boyfriend for the evening.
*  there is accountability to others in the relationship.
*  the girl’s father is the authority in the process, as his main goal is to protect his daughters heart.  
 

marriage is a very big deal and we need to treat it as such. the world today views marriages as disposable. marriage is a lifelong, God honoring covenant. it should not be entered lightly and it shouldn’t be viewed as something one step above dating. marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride. when our marriage falls apart, what picture are we showing?

so, this is my opinion and outlook on courtship. hopefully through this you’ll learn a little more about it, as i have. and hopefully you’ll consider it for your littles as well.

out for now
~kisses

hope for the hopeless marriage

a dear, sweet friend of mine is going through a bit of a rough time right now in her marriage.  we’ve all been there at one time or another, haven’t we?  i wrote the post below a while back and thought maybe she (and others) would benefit from it.  so here’s the repost…

this morning i woke up with a song in my heart and my head. it’s one from my childhood and one that i just super love. i love when God puts a song in my heart before i even wake up. i always pay special attention to those ones. this mornings song was He’s able. i know, it’s a great one, right? as i was doing my morning devotion, i just kept singing and humming this song. as i was really focusing on the words, today’s blog post quickly became apparent.

He’s able, He’s able, I know He’s able;
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.
He healed the broken-hearted
and set the captive free;
He made the lame to walk again
and caused the blind to see.

there was a day not too many years ago when i would have told you my marriage was hopeless. joe had left and we were separated for a few months. suddenly i felt so alone, with two kids to tend to daily, a house to take care of and working full time, i was stressed beyond stressed. some days i felt so low, not even quite sure how i was functioning.

at first, i spent time being angry. and i sure felt justified in that anger. i wanted God to heal my marriage now. i prayed every day, spent time reading my Bible and felt i was entitled to a miracle that didn’t seem to be coming my way. anger, hopelessness and fantasies of divorce consumed my days. i was angry. so angry.

there was one certain night when i was really down, almost at my breaking point. i went up on a hill in the middle of the woods, the sky was covered with stars and i could see for miles around. i popped in a cd of hymns, sang along, cried my eyes out and talked to God for hours on end. when i left the hill that night i had something new, HOPE! hope in the Lord restoring my marriage in HIS time.

hope is so important, and realizing that was a pivotal turning point in my life and essentially my marriage. hope motivates us to make positive choices in life and marriage and to get our relationship with Christ right. the Lord knew i had a few “life lessons” to learn along the way, like patience and perseverance. having hope gave me the desire to search MY heart and have Him reveal the parts of my heart that broke His heart.

He can see into the deepest depths of your heart and He knows exactly what it will take to restore Hope into your heart, into your life and into your marriage. He doesn’t wait for us to “clean up our act”. He meets us where we are and loves us just as we are, sinners. He showers us with his amazing grace. we have a God who knows how we feel, and really cares. He knows our doubts and hopelessness. He can help when we’re willing to bring those things to him. nothing is impossible for God!

your past might have shaped you but it doesn’t have to define you and hold you captive. don’t allow who you were to keep your marriage from being what it is meant to be.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure
Hebrews 6:19

out for now
~kisses

eternally thankful

this is the sixth anniversary of the best and worst day of my life.  this is the day i stood in my living room with tears streaming down my face and begged my husband not to leave.  this is also the day that made me step back and take a good, long look at myself in the mirror and realize my own faults.  and this is the day that i decided to make a change for me, for us, for our family and for God.

not everyone understands why i remember this day or why i “celebrate” it.  i think it’s super important to remember our past, it brought us to where we are today.  the word “remember” is used 167 times in the Bible.  i’m fairly sure God is reminding us of the importance of remembering.  i never, ever want to forget what brought us to that point on that day.  i want to remember what my actions were before and what i changed afterwards.  i can remember so vividly sitting in the middle of my floor, sobbing, and looking at the calendar and thinking “this is a date i will never forget”.  and i haven’t.  remembering is part of our design by creation.

one evening, not long after he left, i drove my car back a dirt road.  i followed the road to the top and pulled in to the perfect spot, nestled among trees and open fields.  it was a gorgeous, clear night and the sky was filled with stars.  i sat there that evening and cried for hours while talking to God like he was sitting in my car with me.  that evening the seed of forgiveness was planted in my heart.

i realized my relationship with Jesus had taken a backseat to life, along with my marriage.  actually, Jesus wasn’t even in the backseat, he was in the trunk.  i did not have time for Jesus to trip me up when i was busy living the ways of the world.  i realized i couldn’t change my husband. there was only one person i could change: me.   Jesus said, “You hypocrite, first take the plank our of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).  once i realized that, asked for forgiveness and started to nurture my relationship with Jesus THAT’S when things started to change, when i started to change.

there was never a doubt that i wanted to stand for my marriage, regardless of what the world told me to do.  God showed me divorce extracted a high price. one I simply wasn’t willing to pay.  there were people telling me to get a divorce and move on with my life, that I deserved better, but all i wanted to do was what God wanted me to do and that is it. i knew that standing was what God wanted me to do and i never let the thought of divorce even enter my mind.

some may support your stand for your marriage and your fight against the enemy, while some may totally disagree, but all that matters is that you do what God wants you to do. those that disagree with you might make their voice heard daily, or they might even walk out of your life because of it. you need to remember, one day we will all have to face judgment and have to be responsible for the things we did. all those people who had opinions about your situation will not be with you when you have to answer to God. so you have to do what you know is right.
i prayed, trusted God and knew His will would be done.  i basically handed my marriage to Him and waited for things to be done in His timing, not mine.  i was waiting for His intervention.  through that, God taught me patience and perseverance.  three months later, he returned home!

i am so thankful that our love story didn’t end there, that it did indeed have more chapters to it.  the reward of restoration was well worth the wait.  and i am eternally thankful that our love was rescued by God  ♥  i adore the beautiful God-scripted love story i have.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

out for now
~kisses