Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {Gods Design}

hey y’all!  thanks for joining me for our september bible study on Godly submission!  i’m so excited about this!  it’s something God has really been nudging my heart about lately.

submission is a word that holds many definitions among the world.  offensive, not acceptable, inferior, controlling and not politically correct are among the few.  but yet, it’s something we, as Christian wives, are called to do.      

first,  let me share my story…

as a woman who spent her entire life striving to be viewed as strong and independent, the thought of being submissive to anyone, let alone my husband, scared me to death. and i have to say, at first it made me angry. so angry that i completely rebelled against it and refused it. yep, i was a child rebelling against what my Father had not only told, but commanded me to do.

are you serious Jesus? um, hello…i’m amy…the girl that took the words “honor and obey” out of her vows for a reason! and now you want me to be submissive to my husband? seriously?   (on a quick side note, completely embarrassed and mortified that i actually took that out of my vows.  what in the world was my 20 year old mind thinking?)

and He answered loud and clear…”YEP”

wow, okay…deep breaths, i can do this…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24 22 

definition of submission  the word SUBMIT, according to Strong’s Lexicon is the Greek word hupotaso  which was originally a Greek military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader”. in non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, of cooperating, of sharing a burden. in other words, when the word submit is used in the Bible, it refers not only to a yielding and obedient attitude of the heart, but also, and equally importantly, to an attitude of co-operation and support. without co-operation and support, things just don’t work they way they should.

what is submission?  submission is the acceptance of God’s order for our lives. as wives, we are to submit to Christ and submit to our husbands.  submission by a wife is to be voluntary.  it’s part of our obedience to the Lord.  there aren’t conditions to this submission either.  we are called to submit to our husbands, even if we feel they don’t deserve it.  we are to trust in their leadership, even if we don’t agree with it and submit to them even if we feel they aren’t meeting their roles.

Christian marriage is intended to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.  let me say that again, because it blew my mind when i first learned it.  our marriage was designed specifically to mirror our relationship between Christ and His church.  we are acting out a living parable where husbands represent Christ and wives represent the church to bring glory to God and to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way. does that change the way you look at marriage? it sure did with me. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like.

a marriage with Godly submission should be a faithful, intimate and loving relationship.  boy, doesn’t that sound like a far cry from what the world tells us submission is?
  so it turns out submission isn’t a sign of weakness, like this silly girl thought all along, it’s a sign of respect! and of course i want to honor and respect my husband, i love him.

what submission is not   submission is not abusive.  God does not want women to be submissive to abusers.  as wives, we have to be confident of our husbands goodwill.  remember, the command to wives to submit to their husbands is followed by the command to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). in cases of abuse, there is a mighty need for an intervention and Godly counsel.  if you are in an abusive relationship, i would urge you to reach out to focus ministries.  it’s a Biblical based non-profit organization that offers counseling by phone, email, or in person. they want you to know you aren’t alone and you are oh so valuable to God!!!

submission also shouldn’t be used for leverage.  submission absolutely comes with no strings attached.  it is a heart desire to please God and do what is best for your family.  i mean really, what wife doesn’t want to live in peace?  don’t we all desire that?  there is such an inner peace that comes from living in harmony with our husbands while obeying God.

as women, we are quite good at knowing how to manipulate our husbands to get them to do what we want.  oh come on girls, we all know we’ve done it at one time or another.  that is definitly not subission.  and it’s something we should never, ever do.

Chuck Swindoll said this about submission:

Webster says that manipulation means “to control or play upon by unfair or insidious means, especially to one’s own advantage or to serve one’s own purpose.” In other words, secret manipulation is an unfair, insidious technique that results in getting what one wants. When handled cleverly, a wife can substitute secret manipulation for a quiet, submissive spirit.

why is submission so hard?  and why is this so hard for me?  it’s from a lack of surrender.  because i am, by nature, a controller.  that controlling nature is nothing more than pride and sin bubbling to the surface.  and the thoughts of not having control over a situation scares-me-to-death. but i believe God’s advice and His will to be the best for my life. even if I don’t fully understand it, i trust Him. with that being said, i somehow had to figure it out because i don’t want to live my life is disobedience. so i asked God to teach me what it means.

often we wives are afraid of losing control (and by “we wives” i really mean this wife right here) and WE get in the way of creating the marriages we ache for. you know, the one where we have a strong, confident, Godly man, who loves us like Christ loves the church. i know this girl certainly wants that type of marriage.

so this week, be an asset to your husband and try your best to learn what submission looks like in a Godly marriage. don’t forget to stop back next friday as we take a look at the beauty of submission. remember, keep your eyes on Him!

out for now
~kisses

ignite the fire of your marriage {passion}

today begins a new marriage series i am super excited about, ignite the fire.  the topic this week is passion.

do you remember butterflies?  the ones that happened that very first time your boyfriend reached for your hand.  the ones that would happen when he would talk about marriage.  or the ones that happened the first time he kissed you.

the butterflies will eventually be a lot less frequent.  i’ve sadly watched so many people spend a lifetime pursuing new relationships and chasing those butterflies.  just because those new, fluttery feelings might not be a daily occurrence certainly doesn’t mean your marriage is over.

you need to be purposeful about cultivating passion in your marriage.

how can you keep passion alive?  you have to desire it.  you have to want it.  you have to be deliberate about it.  you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to reach the goal.  you have to engage your heart fully in the joyful pursuit.

i read an amazing book, Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus.  i would highly recommend this book to every. single. couple.  it is a verse by verse exploration of the Song of Solomon, one of the most loving, romantic and poetic Books found in the Old Testament of the Bible!  if God ever gave us an instruction manual for passion in marriage, Song of Solomon is it!  God wants married couples to have a love so hot, so passionate, so intense that nothing will be able to extinguish it.

so how can you ignite the passion in your marriage?
pursue your spouse.  now, this one is a bit tricky.  men and women are so different.  i know, right, can i get an Amen?  pursuit, to most men, means feeling desired (ladies, read that as “sex”) and affirmed through respect, honor and appreciation. most women, on the other hand, are more likely to want to be pursued through time, attention and tenderheartedness (guys, read that as “romance”).  
  • write your spouse a love letter.  write it in a way that would say “i love you” to them (which means it might not necessary be the kind you would want to receive).  explain to your spouse that you want to work on pursuing passion in your marriage.   
  • initiate a sexual encounter in a creative way, especially if your spouse always initiates.
  • read the Song of Solomon out loud together each night before bed
  • plan a date that revolves around something your spouse enjoys
have fun. when was the last time you did something with the purposeful intention of just having fun together? one of my fav things my husband and i have in common is a love for laughter. actually, his ability to make me laugh was one of the reasons i fell head over heals for him. 
  • plan a spontaneous adventure and surprise your spouse with it. this could be a night away (minus kids) or even a little mini-date. 
  • see a funny movie together, or take in a comedy show.
  • let your hair down and get silly: have a pillow fight or a tickle war.
be positive.  remember the reasons you fell in love with your spouse?  it’s super easy to focus on what annoys us about our spouse, but that is definitely a passion killer.  passion can’t co-exist with negativity.  so, develop a habit of being grateful and appreciative.  guard your heart against taking the good parts of your marriage for granted.  
  • say thank you.  plain and simple.  thank them for big and little things.  thank them for doing dishes, laundry or fixing your car.  i even thank my husband for just loving me (because i am fully aware there are days that can’t be easy).  
  • sit down together and make a list of the top five body parts you love (and think are super hot) about your spouse. (guys…your wife is likely in a body-image battle, even if you think she shouldn’t be. this will mean the absolute world to her)
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

this weeks challenge…ignite the passion in your marriage by investing into your husband joyfully. this may look different in every marriage. the challenge is to focus on an area of your marriage that is a little weak and pour time, energy and love into it.


read all the contributors posts on this topic:

out for now
~kisses

Wife After God {BOOK REVIEW}

Wife After God
A 30 Day Marriage Devotional For Wives
By: Jennifer Smith
over the past year, the Lord has really been busy working on my heart. He has given me a passion and a heart for marriage. not only for mine, but for all marriages. ones of the things i’ve enjoyed doing the most is reading and learning all i can about marriage…books, blogs, devotionals and bible study’s. one of my favorite blogs is unveiled wife. and when i read that jennifer smith had written a marriage devotional, i was beyond over the moon excited!

Wife After God is an encouraging, God-filled devotional that will, without a doubt, strengthen your relationship with your husband and with Christ.  daily i was more and more convicted on how i needed to work on my own marriage.

WHAT:  there are so many great, real topics in this book.  they aren’t fluff, they aren’t sugar coated, they are just real.  and that is what this wife likes.  real topics that i face every day.  a few of my favs are…forgiveness, intimacy, protecting your marriage and the importance of prayer.  
one of the sections that spoke directly to my heart was about being a good wife.  regardless of my husbands actions, behavior, thoughts and response towards me…i need to love him.  period.  and that ties directly in to the study we’ve recently done on the Proverbs 31 woman.  
WHO:  every single wife.  period.  there is something in this devotional that will touch your heart, i guarantee it.  no matter how many years you’ve been married, there is always more to learn.  God created a beautiful covenant with marriage.  His highest purpose in marriage is to showcase the intimate relationship between Christ and His people. He gave us the responsibility to tend to our marriage and to be a beautiful reflection of His heart.
HOW:  each day there are a few focus verses, a 2-3 page thought directly from jennifers heart that includes scripture and stories, a beautiful prayer, a personal challenge for you, thought provoking journal questions and a status update. i actually kept a daily journal and looooved it!  this would be such an amazing book to use in a ladies bible study.  
WHERE:  to purchase your own copy of the book, click here.  you can purchase it in either paperback or for your kindle.
thank you so much jennifer for your ministry, your heart and your transparency.  you are such an encouraging Christian role model in an opposite world.  
out for now
~kisses