Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

How To Have A Happy Marriage

Marriage is amazing, and I love it. But it’s hard work y’all. Marriage is difficult. That is obvious when you see how many couples end in divorce. The only way to make your marriage truly work is to center it around Christ and make a conscious effort daily to work on it. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like. Here are a few tips for both wives and husbands on how to have a happy marriage.

Don’t be unfaithful.  This is huge.  Marriage is sacred, period.  Being unfaithful to your spouse proves that not only do you not respect them but you are also untrustworthy.  The pain it bring is in no way, shape or form worth it. 

Don’t neglect yourself. Shave your legs, do your hair, put makeup on and put on that outfit of yours that he just loves

Don’t talk about him behind his back. We need to remember that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Guard your husband’s weaknesses; don’t announce them to the world. i definitely have weaknesses. I would be mortified and humiliated if my husband teased about it or loudly wished for someone with that strength. Remember the “golden rule”…Do to others as you would have them do to you Luke 6:31. Our husbands need our respect. What a great way to respect them by not trash talking them.

Don’t compare your marriage to movies. The problem isn’t wanting a fairytale romance but trying to compare your marriage and your spouse to those whirlwind romances in the movies. so many times i’ve been guilty of that myself, and i simply set myself up for disappointment and failure. We need to truly love our husbands without unreal expectations.

Don’t be disrespectful. Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. {Ephesians 5:33} I’ve read this verse over and over again. it doesn’t say respect your husband only when you feel he deserves it, it doesn’t say he has to GIVE respect to GET respect and it’s certainly not up to us to deem when he is worthy of it. God was pretty clear with this verse, the wife MUST respect her husband.

Don’t lose the friendship. Building friendship in marriage takes a lot of work and time. We have to realize that straight away and commit to it. If it’s something you truly want, the hard work and commitment won’t feel like a big deal at all. i think one important thing is choosing to spend time together rather than apart. Whether it’s taking a quick trip for ice cream or sitting beside him watching football, time together is absolutely precious.

Take the time to find out what it is that you still have in common. Chances are you will find out you still have quite a few things in common. Find out what the common interests are and explore them together. Joe and I love truck pulls, watching big brother and random road trips. Don’t forget to have fun! Fun is a key ingredient to a successful friendship. No one wants to spend time with a debbie downer.

Don’t think marriage is all about you. Marriage is not all about you…contrary to what the world tells you, it’s not about your happiness. It’s not about getting your needs met. It’s about going through life together and serving God and each other. It’s about committing yourselves to each other, even though you may be different people in the years to come.

Don’t nag. Bite your lip and don’t nag or complain. I know, this one can be a challenge. Especially for this big-mouthed girl. But if I can do it, I’m certain anyone of y’all can do it.

Don’t hold grudges. The Proverbs 31 woman wouldn’t love her husband with conditions or hold grudges and neither should we. God wants our love to be sweet, soft-hearted and lovely. And He wants it overflowing with forgiveness. By offering forgiveness, we are offering the grace that God has given us. Don’t cling to prior offenses, tucking them in your pocket to use later. Simply wipe the slate clean as soon as the offense happens. This will not only set your husband free, but you as well. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. {Colossians 3:13}

Don’t withhold sex.  Withholding sex is wrong. Period. Paul said that spouses have the responsibility to meet their spouse’s needs (within reason). I certainly do not believe that if your husband wants sex twice a day you therefore have to make love twice a day. Marriage is compromise! There is a certain level of reasonableness that should be met in a marriage. Refusing sex, or only making love extremely rarely, is a serious problem.  

Don’t be unfaithful. This is huge. Marriage is sacred, period. Being unfaithful to your spouse proves that not only do you not respect them but you are also untrustworthy. The pain it bring is in no way, shape or form worth it.

Don’t lie. The truth is super important to women. If you lie to your wife you will be caught out at some stage, and then she will wonder how many other lies you have told her. Every lie makes your validity a little less and less. Eventually she ‘ll wonder if she can trust you at all. The truth might be painful, but it’s always the best choice.

Actually listen when she talks.  For real listen, not any of this half-listening business where you’re kinda listening but really watching TV.  And just interjecting a “mmhmmm” once in a while.  Not listening when someone speaks is rude and shows disrespect for the person. If you do this your wife will grow to resent talking to you, and that is not a good position to get into in your relationship. Concentrate on what she says, and respond intelligently.

Help around the house.  I think this is an area where men struggle, though I don’t believe it’s intentional.  It must be so hard to balance the “head of the household” role with being your wife’s help-meet.  I totally get it.  But if you don’t assist your wife with the household tasks, she is going to feel yucky and might even feel resentful.  It is just going to snowball into an unpleasant situation.  Help her with household tasks – and not only every now and then either. No, make it a habit to help her, and watch how her respect for you grows.  And guess what?  She’s going to be like “Wow, this is amazing.  I so super love you.”.  And guess who is going to look like the hero?  Yeah, you.  And who will reap the rewards of said hero?  Mm,hmmmm, you will!

Don’t point out her imperfections.  Seriously, we know our imperfections.  We are our own worst critics.  Believe me!  We all have imperfections because nobody is perfect.  It sure wouldn’t be nice if she pointed out yours, would it?  I bet it would hurt your feelings and might even make you angry.  Your wife surely doesn’t like it when the person closest to her – her husband – is the one bringing it up.   And you remember the reaping the rewards we spoke of earlier?  Yeah, this won’t so much do that.

Don’t force submission. Submission can’t be forced, ever. Trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful. It doesn’t honor God or others. And it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage. Being controlling isn’t loving at all. If your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am i loving my wife as Christ loved the church?”. If the answer is no, then I’d say that is something you need to work on. Work on your part and don’t worry about her part. Once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

Help with the littles.  Helping with the kids is something that is so so so rewarding.  From a wife’s perspective, there is nothing hotter than watching your husband be an amazing involved father.  This will strengthen your relationship both with your wife and your children. An actively involved father is one way of ensuring well-balanced kids.

Don’t compare her to other women.  In my heart, I can’t even imagine my husband doing this.  I can’t imagine the hurt and pain it would cause.  This is so sad, wrong and hurtful on so many levels. Just be kind. Kindness could be boiled down to 3 little words…love in action. When you are operating from a true heart of kindness, you will be extra careful how you treat your spouse. You would never want to be unnecessarily harsh or hurt their feelings. We need to be sensitive to their feelings and tender with our words. Even if you need to say hard things, we need to remember to speak the truth in love.

Pursue her. Now, this one is a bit tricky. Men and women are so different. I know, right, can I get an Amen? Pursuit, to most men, means feeling desired (sex) and affirmed through respect, honor and appreciation. Most women, on the other hand, are more likely to want to be pursued through time, attention and tenderheartedness (guys, read that as “romance”).   
Tell her what she means to you. Let your wife know how much she means to you. Tell her. Tell her over and over again. Write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it. Believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know. And she’ll more than likely shed a few tears. Give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work. Just hold her in your arms. From a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening. And I betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want 🙂  

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {To The Men}

this is the first time i’ve written a blog post specifically for men.  it’s kinda strange but i’m actually super excited {and a little nervous} to share Gods marriage design with you as well!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33


three times in this passage of Scripture God commands you as a husband to do something specific: love your wife.  
while your wife is instructed to submit, you are instructed to love your wife.  not just kinda sorta love her, but love your wife as Christ loved the church.  Paul does not tell you in this passage to rule over your wife.  you are never told, “make sure your wife knows you’re in authority over her or show her who’s in charge.”  instead God tells you three times to love your wife.
love her.  
God’s command to love your wife involves more than just acting in love when you feel emotionally 
or physically close to your wife. God doesn’t tell you to love your wife just when she is being 
affectionate and loving to you.  He doesn’t say to love your wife only when you feel she is deserving of it.  and it doesn’t say to withhold love when she’s sassy {thank goodness}.  God commands: cherish your wife. have affection for your wife. love her.
guys, let your wife know how much she means to you.  tell her.  tell her over and over again.  write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it.  believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know.  and she’ll more than likely shed a few tears.  give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work.  just hold her in your arms.  from a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening.  and i betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want  🙂    
how did Jesus ultimately show His love the church? He died to establish it. wow… i know, right. are you willing to do that?  you are also to love your wife more than you love yourself. in reality, Christ is asking you to put your wife’s needs before your own. what makes that difficult is our own selfish hearts. it doesn’t help that you have the world in your ear, telling you that you are entitled to put your own needs first.  and if you don’t…well then your either a sissy , hen-pecked or really foolish.

submission can’t be forced, ever.  trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful.  it doesn’t honor God or others.  and it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage.  being controlling isn’t loving at all.  if your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am i loving my wife as Christ loved the church?”. if the answer is no, then i’d say that is something you need to work on.  work on your part and don’t worry about her part.  once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

a truly Christian marriage will mirror the relationship between Christ and his church.  this mirroring will involve both the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife gladly submitting to her husband. the two elements, love and submission, are non-negotiable within the relationship. both elements, love and submission are required for our marriages to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

so this week…guys, love on your wife.  hug her, kiss her, hold her, listen to her and just spend genuine quality time loving her.

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {Hushing the World}

when you mention the “s word” to the world, they are quick to voice their opinion.  why are you so stupid?  the world will tell you that you are equal to men, not beneath them.  women like you make us look weak.  you should be expressing your opinion, not silencing it.  you should be calling the shots, not letting him lead.  your marriage should be 50/50, that’s only fair.  don’t be a doormat.  

but ultimately, what matters is your following Gods word.  not the world’s opinion.

so, let’s travel back to the beginning of the Bible and read a few key verses that directly tie in to submission.

i think we all agree that God created Adam first.  then God made a decision, that we see revealed in Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

as you can clearly see, it doesn’t say i’m going to make man someone to rule over him, someone to sass at him or someone to disrespect his every decision.  it says “make him a help meet“.  so, what exactly is a help meet?  it carries the meaning of aid, succor, one who helps. Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has spent years translating the book of Genesis. he translates it “sustainer beside him”. when God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. the word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. and in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. your ezer.  kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.
boy, that sure sounds different than what the world would define “help meet” as, doesn’t it?

God created woman from man’s rib, brought her to the man and they became husband and wife.  in Genesis 2:17, before Eve existed, God has given Adam some instruction.  

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
Genesis 2:17

and what do we see Even do next?


And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Genesis 3:6

oh, Eve. why? then she gave it to Adam, and he took a bite too. yikes.  so we see clearly that Eve took the first bite then gave it to Adam.  so she sinned first, right?  but in Romans 5:12 we see that “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin”.  but, how did sin first enter the world through one man, when the woman was the first to sin?

what we see is the first picture of headship.  Adam was who God gave the instruction to.  Adam was responsible for his and Eve’s sin.  i’m going to tell y’all, if i was Adam i would have been a little irked at Eve.  
so did Eve get off scott free?  aahhhhhh, not so much.  when we look at Genesis 3:16 we see God deal directly with the woman’s sin.  
I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.  Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
Genesis 3:16

so you know all that pain during labor?  yep, thank-you-very-much-Eve.

the second part of the verse basically means you will want to rule over your husband but you won’t be able to.  why?  because God’s design for man was to be the head of the household.

and that, sweet ladies, is where marital strife was born.

we read it, roll our eyes, and say “oh no you didn’t, not this woman, this girl is not about to submit”.  and we go on about our marriage.  having bouts of contention here and there.  years go by, the contention gets worse, and now we are irritated.  why can’t this marriage thing just be easy?  basically because there is a battle for leadership happening.  remember that sassy girl that said “oh no way” and had to honor and obey removed from her vows?  well she obviously wants HER opinion to he heard and HER ways followed.  i mean, isn’t she entitled to that?

and i’m fairly sure most men don’t want their wives to rule over them ladies.  just sayin’.

and here is when we come right back to Ephesians 5.  that is the only way to end this battle.  let’s look at all the verses.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33


and when you live an Ephesians life, your marriage will look different to the world.  that sure doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  i think there is a pivotal point when we need to decide who we want our marriage to glorify, the world or God.

the key is that when you are in an intimate relationship with Christ – when you have fully surrendered yourself to Him and desire Him and find your life in Him alone – then obedience to God’s commands is a joy and delight. and yes, even submission can be a joy. when you are convicted to obey Him, His words will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom for you! and in turn, your life will bring glory to God. isn’t that what it’s all about?

so this week, sit down with your husband and read over Ephesians.  talk about your marriage, your roles and who your marriage is glorifying.  and go on a date, just because i love reconnecting with my love  🙂  don’t forget to stop back next friday as we take a look at the husbands role in submission. remember, keep your eyes on Him!