Friendship in marriage is truly a beautiful thing to share together. We all have that song in our hearts. The longing to be “best friends”. The melody takes us back to our best friends, the boys and girls we hung out with when we were little – innocent times, free times, fun times. These were when we shared our secrets and our dreams with our bestie. The Lord puts that song in our hearts when we’re married, the desire to be best friends with our spouse. It’s up to us to read the lyrics God wrote for friendship and learn how to apply it in our marriage.

Building friendship in marriage takes a lot of work and time. We have to realize that straight away and commit to it. If it’s something you truly want, the hard work and commitment won’t feel like a big deal at all. I think one important thing is choosing to spend time together rather than apart. Whether it’s taking a quick trip for ice cream or sitting beside him watching football, time together is precious.

So, are you still friends with your spouse? Do you love spending time together? Are you best friends?

Be gentle with one another. When Joe’s parents were sick, he spent a lot of time away from home and with them. It would have been super easy for me to let myself get irritated that he wasn’t here. Not only would that have been super selfish but it deffo would not have been what God wanted me to do. God wanted me to comfort Joe, hold him and lift him up in prayer. And that was a time in our marriage when we grew closer together.

Have fun together! One thing I can say about Joe and I is we can have fun {and laugh ridiculous amounts} doing anything! We need to make sure we do the fun together too! Fun is a key ingredient to a successful friendship. No one wants to spend time with a Debbie Downer. Laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.

Listen. Friends enjoy talking to each other, but beyond just talking, their ultimate desire is to listen and implement the desires of their partner. Friends learn how their partner thinks by listening to what their partner has to say. Repeating what your partner said to make sure you understand is a great way to build listening skills. You would be surprised when you do this exercise how what men say and what we hear differs.

See what you still have in common. Chances are you will find out you still have quite a few things in common. Find out what the common interests are and explore them together. Joe and I love truck pulls, watching big brother and random road trips.

Put them first! Don’t just let your spouse be a best friend. Make them your most important friend! Your relationship with your spouse should come before any other relationship in your life, short of your relationship with the Lord.

Find out what makes your spouses heart happy. Find out what makes them smile and what their interests are and explore them together. It might be football, gardening, photography, art or hunting. This is one that takes sacrifice. When I was first married there wasn’t anything I hated more than sports on TV. It didn’t interest me a single bit. But, I have a husband who loves football (the Green Bay Packers to be specific) and a son who plays football sooooo there are lots of sports-ish things going on here. And ya know what, I love sitting beside my husband in the bleachers on a Friday night watching my son play football. I’m trying with everything I have to learn more about the game (this is the sacrifice part) so that I can participate in a convo with my husband while we are watching the game. Turns out my million questions like “what was that”, “why did they do that” and “what does that mean” is more of an irritation.

Make them feel good about themselves! Would you call someone who only makes you feel worthless and insecure your friend? Certainly not. Tell them about their best qualities. Celebrate their wins!

Remember forgiveness + grace. Even the best of friends have a bad day. Sometimes they say hurtful things or disappoint us. Offer the grace in those moments that you’d want in return. If you want a friendship that lasts, a marriage that endures, you must forgive both big & small.

It’s no secret, we rushed to get married. Um, hello…met in February, engaged in March and married in June. If that’s not rushing, I don’t know what is. But we didn’t get married for the reason most thought. We simply were ready for our happily ever after to begin. Oh, how naively we went into marriage.

Marriage is amazing and I love it, but it’s nothing like I thought it would be. Lately, I’ve been thinking of what I wish I had known before I got married. Things that would have made it easier to avoid some of our mistakes and to not fall into the traps couples so often do {us included}. Marriage introduces challenges that couples just simply aren’t prepared for.

Marriage is not about living happily ever after – If we were honest, we all crave a fairy-tale and a happy ending. I know I sure did. The problem isn’t wanting a fairy-tale romance but trying to compare your marriage and your spouse to those whirlwind romances in the movies. Open your heart up to Gods love first and He will show you how to truly love your husband without unreal expectations.

Marriage is not all about you – That’s a hard lesson to learn, isn’t it? Contrary to what the world tells you, it’s not about your happiness. It’s not about getting your needs met. It’s about going through life together and serving God and each other. It’s about committing yourselves to each other, even though you may be different people in the years to come.

The more you put into your marriage, the more you’ll get out of it – Marriage takes a lot of work and time, there is no doubt about that. Realize that straight away and commit to it. Go into marriage knowing your not going to have a 50/50 marriage, but a 100/100 marriage. Give your all because you love them, not because you expect something in return.

You can’t do it on your own – Marriage is difficult. That is obvious when you see how many couples end in divorce. It’s two imperfect people living together, failing daily. The only way to make your marriage truly work is to center it on Christ. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like. You have to rely on God for wisdom, power, love and strength for your marriage.

Make time for each other a priority – Make any time together into a mini-date. Whether it is running to the grocery store or a quick little ride on the 4-wheeler together. Snuggle in, hold hands and make that time together count.