Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Ready to Wed {Book Review}

Ready to Wed
by Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley

About the book:

Written for engaged couples, this book is full of tools, tips, and instructions that start a couple on a straight path to a strong marriage. Emphasizing that marriage and family are good, the book integrates the 12 Traits of a Thriving Marriage to help prepare and strengthen marriages from the start. A vital resource for those who mentor engaged couples and for pastors/churches who wish to use it in a premarital counseling program.

This book is written for engaged couples. It’s full of tools, tips, and instructions that start a couple on a straight path to a strong marriage. Emphasizing that marriage and family are good, the book integrates the 12 Traits of a Thriving Marriage to help prepare and strengthen marriages from the start. This would be a great resource for those who counsel engaged couples.

In the book, Gary Smalley discussed the power of honoring our spouse. He said he wrote a list about everything he cherished about his wife and when he was frustrated or mad at his wife, he would pull out his list to remind himself of everything he loved about his wife. How many marriages could be saved by doing that, wow.

I would recommend this life changing book to anyone who is engaged or married!  If you’re looking to build a solid marriage with Jesus at the center, this is a must read. I really liked how the book had so many different authors who are expects in their field and they have massive knowledge about marriage. So many of us go into marriage blindly, thinking our fairy tale is about to begin.  When in all actuality, it’s work and sacrifice.  Not just once, but time after time.  This book will help you be prepared for marriage, and the possible struggles, ahead of time.  

Thank you to Tyndale Publishers for a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.

Dr. Greg Smalley serves as executive director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family. In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. He also serves as a media spokesperson on these matters.

Married since 1992, the Smalleys live in Colorado with their three daughters, Taylor, Maddy and Annie, and their son, Garrison.

Guard Your Heart

Most of us enter marriage so in love that we would never think of divorce much less take the time to guard our hearts against it. When Joe and I got married we hadn’t ever fought one single time. I thought I was entering a perfect, dream marriage. Divorce just wasn’t something that entered our mind at that point. Sadly, it normally isn’t until it’s too late. Then we realize we should have been guarding our hearts all along. From the beginning we should build a fence of protection around our marriage and a shield around our heart.

How many times have you heard it said to follow your heart? Or maybe you’ve even given that advice yourself. Your heart is the center of who you are. It’s the doorway to your emotions and relationships. Where your heart leads, your feet naturally follow. No matter what the decision we have to make, we are encouraged by the world to do what we feel our heart tells us to do. We are told that we deserve it, to be true to ourselves. God tells us not to follow our hearts, that they are wicked and deceitful.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9

Anyone is vulnerable if their heart isn’t guarded; from Sunday school teachers to members of the choir. Don’t underestimate the enemy. We are all at risk. Every. One. Of. Us. Satan wants to draw you away from your spouse. He would love nothing more than to see you stray.

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 
1 Corinthians 10:12

As a wife, you hold the key to your husband’s heart. I specifically remember when Joe and I were separated he sent me a text message that meant more to me than he ever knew. It simply said “you still hold the key to my heart”. Guarding love keeps your focus where it belongs. It protects everything that is important to you. You need to guard the love you’ve dreamed of.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life 
Proverbs 4:23

What are some of the dangers we need to guard against?

Relationships with the opposite sex – Although in our minds they may seem harmless, many times they lead to feelings that shouldn’t be there.   It all starts with an innocent glance, a whispered phrase, a caring pat, a kind gesture, thoughtful word, or gentle hug. A hurried hand squeeze or double-meaning kidding. These are the danger signals. They all seem so innocent and warm, but can turn dangerous in a flash.

Anger – The temptation to sin seems to be greater when your angry. It just seems so much easier to justify then.

Pornography – Everywhere you look, it’s there staring you in the face. It destroys marriages, period. This also includes books disguised as romance novels, such as 50 shades of grey series.

Worry – When you’re consumed by worry, it pulls your trust from God. Remember, why worry when you can pray!

Comparison – Don’t compare your marriage to movies. The problem isn’t wanting a fairytale romance but trying to compare your marriage and your spouse to those whirlwind romances in the movies. so many times I’ve been guilty of that myself, and I simply set myself up for disappointment and failure. We need to truly love our husbands without unreal expectations.

Control – Leave family leadership to the husband, that is God’s plan for marriage. This is my stumbling block. This is probably the single hardest thing for me to do.

Attention – Remember marriages don’t look like the fairy tale romances you see on movies. As women, we crave attention and when we don’t feel our husbands are giving us enough, we go looking for it wherever we can find it.

How can you guard your heart?
Understand your man – Men are different than women, especially sexually. Men are visual creatures by nature and can’t help noticing females physical appearance.  
Share your radar – Women have a sixth sense about other women. We can spot a woman who has designs on our husband a mile away. We can even sense which kind of woman would be attractive to him. It’s god-given radar alert.  Share this with your husband. That way the two of you can protect your marriage.

Be committed – Don’t waver in your commitment and your desire to guard your heart, guard your spouses heart and guard your marriage.

Ask God for help – Spend lots of time in prayer talking to God. Ask Him for help and to protect your heart. God is the only true protection for marriage.

Allow God to search your heart – That’s where guarding starts, it’s a matter of the heart. Allow God to search your heart and find areas that are weak and in need of repair.

Establish openness with God – When Joe and I were separated,  I would talk to God like He was sitting right beside me.

Take some time today to sit down, search your heart, talk to God and ask yourself some hard questions. Ask God to meet you where you are and change your heart. He will never fail to give you the grace to guard your heart.

Hope For the Hopeless Marriage

A dear, sweet friend of mine is going through a bit of a rough time right now in her marriage. We’ve all been there at one time or another, haven’t we? I wrote the post below a while back and thought maybe she (and others) would benefit from it. So here’s the re-post…

This morning I woke up with a song in my heart and my head. It’s one from my childhood and one that I just super love. I love when God puts a song in my heart before I even wake up. I always pay special attention to those ones. This morning’s song was He’s Able. I know, it’s a great one, right? As I was doing my morning devotion, I just kept singing and humming this song. As I was really focusing on the words, today’s blog post quickly became apparent.

He’s able, He’s able, I know He’s able;
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.
He healed the broken-hearted
and set the captive free;
He made the lame to walk again
and caused the blind to see.

There was a day not too many years ago when I would have told you my marriage was hopeless. Countless arguments, an unwillingness to understand each other and selfish hearts led to a separation.  Suddenly, the small problems I thought we had were now magnified.  I felt so alone…with two kids to tend to daily, a house to take care of and working full time, I was stressed beyond stressed.

At first, I spent time being angry. And I sure felt justified in that anger. I wanted God to heal my marriage right this very second, in my time. I prayed every single day, spent time reading my Bible and felt I was entitled to a miracle that didn’t seem to be coming my way. Anger, hopelessness and fantasies of divorce consumed my days.

I was angry. So angry.

There was one certain night when I was really down, almost at my breaking point. I went up on a hill in the middle of the woods, the sky was covered with stars and I could see for miles around. I popped in a CD of hymns, sang along, cried my eyes out and talked to God for hours on end. When I left the hill that night I had something new, HOPE! Hope in the Lord restoring my marriage in HIS time.

Hope is so important y’all, and realizing that was a pivotal turning point in my life and essentially my marriage. Hope motivates us to make positive choices in life and marriage and to get our relationship with Christ right. The Lord knew I had a few {okay, maybe quite a few} “life lessons” to learn along the way, patience and perseverance being a few. Having hope gave me the desire to search MY heart and have Him reveal the parts of my heart that broke His heart.

He can see into the deepest depths of your heart and He knows exactly what it will take to restore Hope into your heart, into your life and into your marriage. He doesn’t wait for us to “clean up our act”. He meets us where we are and loves us just as we are, sinners. He showers us with his amazing grace. We have a God who knows how we feel, and really cares. He knows our doubts and hopelessness. He can help when we’re willing to bring those things to him. Nothing is impossible for God!

Your past might have shaped you but it doesn’t have to define you and hold you captive. Don’t allow who you were to keep your marriage from being what it is meant to be.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure
Hebrews 6:19