marriage - Forever Beloved

July 17, 2015

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {Hushing the World}

When you mention the “s word” to the world, they are quick to voice their opinion. Why are you so stupid? The world will tell you that you are equal to men, not beneath them. Women like you make us look weak. You should be expressing your opinion, not silencing it. You should be calling the shots, not letting him lead. Your marriage should be 50/50, that’s only fair. Don’t be a doormat.

But ultimately, what matters is your following Gods word. Not the world’s opinion.

So, let’s travel back to the beginning of the Bible and read a few key verses that directly tie in to submission.

I think we all agree that God created Adam first. Then God made a decision, that we see revealed in Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

As you can clearly see, it doesn’t say I’m going to make man someone to rule over him, someone to sass at him or someone to disrespect his every decision. It says “make him a help meet”. So, what exactly is a help meet? It carries the meaning of aid, succor, one who helps. Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has spent years translating the book of Genesis. He translates it “sustainer beside him”. When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

Boy, that sure sounds different than what the world would define “help meet” as, doesn’t it?

God created woman from man’s rib, brought her to the man and they became husband and wife. In Genesis 2:17, before Eve existed, God has given Adam some instruction.

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Genesis 2:17

And what do we see Eve do next?

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

Genesis 3:6

Oh, Eve. Why? Then she gave it to Adam, and he took a bite too. Yikes. So we see clearly that Eve took the first bite then gave it to Adam. So she sinned first, right? But in Romans 5:12 we see that “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin”. But, how did sin first enter the world through one man, when the woman was the first to sin?

What we see is the first picture of headship. Adam was who God gave the instruction to. Adam was responsible for his and Eve’s sin. I’m going to tell y’all, if i was Adam I would have been a little irked at Eve.

So did Eve get off scott free? Aahhhhhh, not so much. When we look at Genesis 3:16 we see God deal directly with the woman’s sin.

I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Genesis 3:16

So you know all that pain during labor? Yep, thank-you-very-much-Eve.

The second part of the verse basically means you will want to rule over your husband but you won’t be able to. Why? Because God’s design for man was to be the head of the household.

And that, sweet ladies, is where marital strife was born.

We read it, roll our eyes, and say “oh no you didn’t, not this woman, this girl is not about to submit”. And we go on about our marriage. Having bouts of contention here and there. Years go by, the contention gets worse, and now we are irritated. Why can’t this marriage thing just be easy? Basically because there is a battle for leadership happening. Remember that sassy girl that said “oh no way” and had to honor and obey removed from her vows? Well she obviously wants HER opinion to he heard and HER ways followed. I mean, isn’t she entitled to that?

And I’m fairly sure most men don’t want their wives to rule over them ladies. Just sayin’.

And here is when we come right back to Ephesians 5. That is the only way to end this battle. Let’s look at all the verses.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33

And when you live an Ephesians life, your marriage will look different to the world. That sure doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I think there is a pivotal point when we need to decide who we want our marriage to glorify, the world or God.

The key is that when you are in an intimate relationship with Christ – when you have fully surrendered yourself to Him and desire Him and find your life in Him alone – then obedience to God’s commands is a joy and delight. And yes, even submission can be a joy. When you are convicted to obey Him, His words will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom for you! And in turn, your life will bring glory to God. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

So this week, sit down with your husband and read over Ephesians. Talk about your marriage, your roles and who your marriage is glorifying. And go on a date, just because I love reconnecting with my love! Don’t forget to stop back next Friday as we take a look at the husband’s role in submission. Remember, keep your eyes on Him!

July 14, 2015

Saving Your First Kiss

“Actually”, she said with confidence, “I’m saving my first kiss for my wedding day”. I’ve heard my daughter say this dozens of times. And while it’s been met with positivity, that doesn’t happen often. Normally, she’ll be met with laughter accompanied by a statement like “What? That’s crazy!”, “You’ll change your mind once you start dating” and she’s even heard “You’ll never get a man that way”.

I’m just going to be honest here, I didn’t save my first kiss for my wedding day. As I’ve said before, I wish I had heard that not kissing until marriage was an option. I wish I had heard that purity was beautiful. Valuable. Precious. An amazing gift given to us by God to give to our spouse. I wish purity had been a bigger topic among my circle. I wish I had been told that God’s grace is bigger than the choices we make. I wish we had been talked to instead of talked at.

I took the things I wished were different and the lessons I had learned and coupled that with God’s Word. There was also an amazing all-girl program at church called Daughters of the King, led by our Pastor’s wife. And during that time, God set it in my daughters heart to save her first kiss for her future husband on the day of their wedding.

In a day and age where kissing is the norm for elementary schoolers and losing your virginity in, or by high school is expected, it seems absurd and ridiculous that anyone would possibly save their first kiss for marriage. If you choose safe standards, you are bound to hear backlash and criticism from friends and relatives, but you have to remember that your decision is a “good thing”.

We want our kids to enjoy healthy relationships placed in the hands of God. Relationships that focus on drawing closer together emotionally and spiritually before they enjoy the physical part of their relationship that is reserved only for marriage.

While saving your first kiss for your wedding day is clearly not popular, please don’t look down on those who do. They aren’t weak, naive or inexperienced. Are we really going to fault these kids for following what God has set in their heart?

And those of you who save your kiss, please don’t look down on those who don’t. Saving your kiss doesn’t gain you salvation.

I love the story told by Jennie Bishop titled The Princess and the Kiss. The royal parents have a baby girl and give her the gift of her very first kiss. They explain to the princess that it is her gift to keep or give away as she chooses.They then go on to warn her that many man will try to take her gift, but she should be wise and save it for the man she would marry.

Instead of viewing your kiss as something meaningless and cheap, I want to challenge you to view it as a very expensive treasure box. It’s your job to keep your treasure safe until the person with the right key comes to unlock it.

Like the princess above, you will probably have some guys stop by with hopes to get a piece of your treasure. If they don’t have the key (the wedding band) don’t let them open the box.

I want you to remember, you don’t have to kiss frogs to find princes. Princes don’t need physical confirmation of a woman’s value. They already value you for who you are.

We need to recognize the kiss as an incredible gift that God has given each one of us to fully embrace and enjoy in the right context. Instead of lowering its value and blowing it off as just-a-kiss let’s view it as a precious, sacred gift.

July 12, 2015

20 {More} Budget Friendly Date Ideas

I love going on dates with my husband, whether they are little mini-dates we catch here and there or a full day together. I love that feeling of just reconnecting with him and being able to give him my full attention without interruption. I think it’s so important to take time out of our busy lives to solely focus on each other. It keeps our marriage alive.

Romance doesn’t have to be expensive to be great! Here is a list of free or nearly free ideas to make your dating a pure pleasure:

Grab your skates and head to the roller-skating rink. What, not everyone has skates like I do? Believe me, my littles remind me every year that my skates are as old as dirt. As long as you don’t mind being the oldest people there who aren’t chaperoning their children, it’s a great way to have fun and let loose with each other.
Celebrate the first snow fall with a day of sledding together. At the end of the day, head inside for hot cocoa and a hot shower.
Jump in the car and just drive with no destination in mind. Turn the music up, sing together, hold hands and enjoy the ride. Make a love song “mix tape” to enjoy during your drive. This one is one of my favs!
Grab your camera and head out. Stop at scenic locations and start taking pictures of each other. Be goofy and creative. Dare each other to put those wacky pictures on Facebook! The loser has to give a massage!
Grab a tent, sleeping bag and head into the woods for a night of camping. Leave all the distractions behind. Spend the evening cuddling together under the stars talking for hours. If you don’t have a tent, you can get one for as cheap as $25 at Walmart. Sleeping bags can be as cheap as $10.
Dance lessons are fun and romantic. You’re moving, bodies are touching, and you might be working up a little bit of sultry sweat.
Head to an indoor or outdoor ice-skating rink — it’s the perfect excuse to hold hands!
Go shooting together, something we love to do. I mean, hello, seeing your guy handle a gun is pretty hot. Just remember, safety first!
Stay in one night, turn off the TV, shut down your computer, and ignore your phones. Stay in the moment with each other and share your favorite memories from the past.
Pray together, taking turns thanking God for each other.
Plan your dream vacation with each other — it might be the incentive you need to start putting your loose change in the piggy bank.
Have your children play waiter and waitress and serve a romantic dinner, then tell them the story of how you fell in love.
Volunteer together. I think watching my husband serve and seeing his heart is pretty amazing and makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Spend the day together in the great outdoors. Go for a hike together, enjoying a day of great conversation while getting exercise at the same time.
Go bowling and have fun laughing together! If you’re like us, that laughing will come from you accidentally stepping on the slippy lane, falling and splitting your pants. Not my most graceful moment.
Make a playlist {aka…mix tape} of your favorite slow songs. Cook your favorite meal together. Light the candles. Have a romantic dinner together! Once dinner is over, leave the dishes until the next day! Spend the rest of the evening slow dancing together!
Search out some local music!
Go House Shopping. Even if you aren’t in the market for a new house, just go browse anyway. There is just something fun about the home-browsing process.
Go for a moonlight walk. There is something very romantic about walking around at night, especially under the moonlight. Tell your spouse all the things you love about them and walk slowly.
Fill the bed of the truck up with pillows + blankets, head out in a field and hop in the back to count your lucky stars. Don’t forget to take some yummy nibbles along. Have you ever saw a shooting star? It’s super romantic and you’ll be entertained for hours trying to recognize the stars and looking for them.