Friends are the family we choose for our self. Isn’t that such a great feeling? Friendships often produce the tightest bonds and greatest loyalties. We walk through life with our friends.  They help shape our character, cheer us on from the sidelines and silently hug us while we cry. We meet them at all different seasons of life; some have been with us since we were just wee ones and others we encounter later down the road. No matter how they’ve entered our life, friendship is a gift from God.

Friendships, as with any relationship, have highs and lows. There are times when the friendship might become strained or rifts might be created. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, unexpected act of disloyalty or a circumstance changed. Suddenly, this person who we shared our life with now seems to be a stranger. And if we all were truthful, we are hurt. Really hurt.

Is the friendship lost for good? Or is there a chance it can be saved? There might be a little window of opportunity where reconciliation seems reachable. When that happens, your first instinct is to grab onto it. At the time though, it’s hard to see through the haze of hurt feelings. The unspoken words and presumptions seems to echo throughout your mind. When that happens we find it difficult to walk the path of restoration. Have you found yourself at that place? I think we all have at one time or another.

Forgiveness. Before you can even begin to restore a broken relationship, you have to be willing to forgive. As I’ve said before, this girls heart can hold a grudge like no other. Forgiveness just isn’t something that comes easily or naturally to me. Over the years I’ve learned that forgiveness is an absolute key part to a successful relationship. There isn’t a single relationship on this earth that is perfect. There may be times when you are hurt by those that you love, but it will nearly be impossible to truly move beyond the hurt if you are not ready to forgive.

Don’t be afraid to reach out first. This one is hard for me. Whether I want to admit it or not, this girl can be so proud! That certainly isn’t an endearing quality. God’s Word has much to say about pride. When we love our relationships, we should have no room for pride and arrogance to creep in. Regardless of who is to blame, when we are really serious about reconciling a friendship, we put aside our pride and sometimes that means being the first one to take the step towards restoration. It might mean being the first one to apologize, even if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for. Ask yourself how important restoration is to you.

Let bygones be bygones. Those thoughts of revenge? Not in this relationship! And rehashing the issues over and over again? No way! They need disposed of. With all that gone, God will start to work in both your hearts.. That’s how we need to be when we reconcile relationships. Does God keep throwing our sins in our face? Nope. He isn’t keeping tabs and neither should we. When you have finally decided to let it go, kick it out the door. There is no need to pick it back up again.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are longing to restore a broken friendship, ask God to speak to your heart on the best way to approach the situation and if He is leading you toward the path of restoration, ask Him to help you to allow love and forgiveness to be the light that guides you along your way.

Friendships are oh so important to us, aren’t they?  So what do we do if we feel a friendship is headed down a wrong path?  Or if God is nudging us to reevaluate it?  Or the answer in the end is to let it go?  How do we handle that and know we’re handling it right?

When one friendship door closes, another one opens.  But sadly, the first door has to hit us in the rump first.

I’ve always hated goodbyes. And I love having lots of friends.  After growing up an only child, my friends are my siblings.  I especially cherish close friends.  You know what I mean, the ones who know you in-and-out and the friendship just feels comfortable and familiar.  Asking me to get rid of a friend is like asking for a vital organ.  So what do you do when God starts nudging your heart to reevaluate a close friendship?  Well, if you’re like me, you ignore that nudging for a while.  Then a situation happens and you realize, once again, you should have listening to Him in the first place.  

We can get so caught up in a friendship that we don’t realize how toxic it is.  A little here, a little there.  Before we realize it, we’re in deep.  While healthy friendships are blessings, unhealthy friendships can cause toxic, destructive messes in your life. I like to call these drama tornadoes. Drama queens, cynics, manipulators and gossips are just some of the emotionally unhealthy people whose behaviors are toxic to you. If you walk away feeling angry, gossip-ish or just plain yucky after spending time together, you might have a toxic friend.

It’s vital that we cut ties with people who lead us astray.  We need to do that to protect our spiritual health.  I’m not suggesting that we just end a friendship abruptly (unless a situation calls for that), but I am suggesting that we look for signs that a friendship is potentially hazardous and we apply scripture, prayer and guidance from the Holy Spirit to the situation to determine how to proceed in those relationships. 

I pray that you choose your friends wisely and keep your eyes open for red flags in a relationship with a friend. Have you ever had a toxic friendship? Did you even know it was toxic and did you end it or take a break from it? I’d love to hear how you worked through a tough friendship.

Spend Time Together:  As I said last week, if we want long-lasting friendships we have to invest time in them. Familiarity breeds friendship! We need to make a conscious effort to carve out the time to put in the hours for that friendship to develop. Sharing life together in meaningful ways ensures intimacy in our friendships.

Enjoy Her Happiness:  Jealousy, envy and competition have no place in a friendship.  None.  And if they are in your friendship, you had better get it sorted out quickly before your friendship suffers.  So your thin and your friend is curvy?  Your children get B’s and C’s but hers get straight A’s?  Her husband gives her flowers and you wish yours did?  Or your single and she’s happily married?  BE HAPPY FOR HER!  Period.  You have to respect each other and be supportive, not undermining and competitive.  We’re called to invest in, encourage, and build others up.
 

I am very grateful to have an amazing group of girlfriends, my heart sisters, who I feel totally at home with. Some go back as far as, well, let’s just say far back. A few I’ve made in the last few years or so.  I love friendships where there is a mutual felt sense of being able to truly relax, be ourselves and know that neither of us would do anything to harm the other. It just feels safe.  It’s like being wrapped in a fuzzy, warm blanket on a cold, winter’s day.

This week tell your friends how much they mean to you.  Send them a little note card of thanks.  And stop back next Friday for our next study on Biblical Besties!