Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Why I’m Not Raising A Feminist Daughter

I’m a wife, Mama, daughter, sister, friend, blogger, business owner and former feminist.

My Dad always told me I could do anything, whether it be putting shingles on a roof, putting a universal joint in his ’69 Chevy or dragging out the acetylene tanks and welding.  I don’t blame this on my Daddy, he had GREAT intentions.  And I’m so thankful of the knowledge he taught me.

I’m the one who took it and turned it into a heart issue.

I grew up thinking I could do anything that a man could do.  And if a man told me I couldn’t do it, I would make sure to prove him wrong.  I wanted to be viewed as strong and independent.  I even took the words “honor and obey” out of my vows.  No one was going to control me, especially not my husband.

And then I became a Mama.

As my babies were growing up, I realized I couldn’t align myself with feminism anymore.  Their message is the opposite of what I was teaching my kids.  Not to mention that feminism, and refusing to be submissive, was taking a toll on my marriage.

At that point I decided I wouldn’t raise my daughter, nor my son, to be a feminist.  And through prayer, I spent lots of time reevaluating my views.

I’m teaching my daughter modesty, they feel it’s patriarchy. I’m teaching my son to be a gentleman, they feel it’s benevolent sexism. I’m teaching my daughter to be submissive to her husband, they feel that’s degrading. I’m teaching my son to be hard-working and provide for his family, they feel that they can provide for themselves. I’m teaching my daughter purity, they feel your body is yours to do with what you please. I’m teaching my son to treat his wife like a princess, they feel that’s offensive.

I simply cannot align myself with a message that has morphed into something accusatory, degrading, offensive and opposed to the morals and messages I am teaching my kids.

I have an amazing husband.  I have a son.  I have a father.  I am truly blessed with the men in my life.  It breaks my heart to know they, along with so many other godly men, would be lumped into a category of oppressive patriarchy.

Feminism today is less about equality and more about emasculating men.

You can’t rise yourself up by pushing others down.  You can’t solve social injustice by swinging the scale to the far opposite side.  That, my friends, is revenge and not justice.

I’m actually super excited we are raising our littles the way we are, the opposite of how the world would have them raised.  I want my son to be chivalrous, to open doors and carry heavy loads.  I want my daughter to be told she’s beautiful.  I want my son to take his fiance out on a date and pay the bill without expecting anything in return.  I want my daughter to know she can depend on her husband.  I want my littles to know the beauty of a Christ-centered marriage.  I want them to love everyone, treat everyone equally with kindness and show them the love of Jesus through their actions.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2

The recent feminist campaigns are so degrading, I can’t help but feel they lost their direction among the shuffle of finding issues to fight for.  Their messages come across so crass and offensive, it actually muddies the water and their direction is no longer clear.

With God, we have clear direction.  We have a perfect owners manual for life in the Bible.  And in the Bible we see that while we are created equal, we were given specific roles.  To read a post I made on these roles, you can click here to read more about it.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:23-25

We don’t need more causes to follow, we simply need more Jesus.

I recently came across something that baffled me and shook me to my core, feminist Christians.  Their strong opinions left my head reeling.  It’s creating quite a divide among Christians.  They don’t believe in biblical gender roles, submission or mamas staying at home.  If you support any of those things you’re labeled as legalistic, brainwashed, oppressed, lead astray, uneducated or delusional.  I was shocked, to say the least, at the disrespect they showed towards men and how easily they belittled them.

I just caution you to beware of the teachings you follow.  It’s so easy to be lead astray by ministries that seem to be flashy and pretty on the outside.  It’s not until you delve deeper that you find their core belief system is skewed.

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. 2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3 And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.
2 Peter 2:1-3

And that my friends is why we are teaching submission, headship and living a Christ-centered marriage.  While it might not be the worlds opinion, we are following Gods word.  That will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom!  And in turn, your life will bring glory to God.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Finding Joy In The Journey

Today.  Wednesday, June 6th.  The day I go in to have an invasive surgery done in my brain (still leary to call it brain surgery).  A day my family and I won’t soon forget.

I’m sure this surgery day started as they all have.  I will tuck my hand inside my husbands and walk into the hospital.  I will put on a ridiculous gown.  We will laugh, a lot.  And I will purpose to find joy in whatever circumstances come today.

Throughout this entire journey I’ve been reminded time and time again of God’s extravagant love for me.  In the darkest places, I found Him there with me.  Speaking to my heart.  Speaking life into the hurt places.  I’ve learned what it’s like to seek joy and find it.  I’ve learned that even in the hard times, He gives us enormous blessings.  I’ve learned joy doesn’t come and go with our circumstances.  But joy can be experienced despite our circumstances.  Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, second only to love, it flows from God, not circumstances.  We have a fundamental need for joy in our lives.  Life without joy is overwhelming, depressing and just plain sad.

God loves all of us extravagantly.  And He’s not finished with a single one of us.  The fact is, He has a sovereign plan that is for good and not evil.  For joy and not sorrow.  He is writing a story of on-going redemption with each of our lives.  Our lives are woven together through seasons.  It’s one person’s season to experience this.  And another person’s season to experience that.  Neither is loved more.  Neither is more dispensable.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 sums up the segment in a few simple, powerful words: He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.

His time. His time. His time. HIS TIME.

Joy comes in knowing Jesus, experiencing His presence and trusting His timing.  Joy comes when we fall more in love with the One who loves us most.  To experience joy is to experience Jesus.

So many times we want joy, but not trails.  We want faith, but not testing.

Y’all, I’m going to be honest, I’ve thought many times how much easier my life would be without pain, without surgeries, without loneliness and without financial hardships.

But God often uses the hard to refine us.  To transform us into the person we were created to be in the first place.  More like Him.

In the short book of Philippians {only four chapters long} Paul uses the word “joy” 16 times.  I find this absolutely amazing.  Do you know why?  Paul didn’t write this book when he was on vacation at the beach.  He didn’t write it overlooking a sunset.  He was in prison in Rome, waiting to be executed.  In the darkest days of his life, he wrote the most positive book in the Bible.

When we find ourselves with Jesus, we can find joy in every journey.  Even when that journey involves brain surgery.

I would totally appreciate if y’all could spare a prayer for me this morning.  But more than that, pray for God’s comfort for my sweet family as they wait during the surgery.  They have the hardest job of all, waiting and worrying.  Not to mention the added stress of not being at the hospital with me.  Pray for comfort, peace and that God wraps His arms around them.  Thanks so much everyone!!!  I know y’all are the best prayer warriors around!

Living In Fear

By the time I was 19 years old, I found myself consumed daily by fear.  Paralyzing debilitating fear.

Let me share with you my story.

While in college, my friends introduced me to a boy.  He wasn’t exactly my type, but I ignored my gut feeling and began dating him.  Not long into the relationship the “red flags” began to appear.  At first I thought maybe I was overthinking things and I didn’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill.  Then one day pretty early into our relationship came the story of his ex-girlfriend.  He explained how furious he was when she broke up with him.  He told me how he parked down the road and waited until she left her house, then went in and put a pan of grease on her stove and turned the burner on high.  Essentially, he burnt her house down.  Was this story true?  I still have no idea.  Was it meant to scare me?  Absolutely, and it worked.

As the relationship went on, It quickly turned abusive emotionally, mentally and physically.  I will never forget the day my Mom voiced her opposition to our relationship.  He asked me to drive him to his house to get a gun so he could shoot her.  I don’t know if he would have, but it was one more way for him to add fear and keep me under his thumb.

My group of friends had been begging me to end the abusive relationship.  One day, while sitting in class chatting with them, I finally got up the courage to end it.  With help from them, we devised a plan.  He lived a half-hour from me.  So, I knew if I did it over the phone it would take him at least a half hour to get there.  If I packed my bag ahead of time, I could leave as soon as we hung up. That would give me time to get in my car and drive to a friends house.

I was scared to death, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest, but I picked up the phone to make that call. 

With my voice shaking, I said the words.  I want to break up.  He was instantly furious; screaming, swearing, throwing and breaking things.  In the background his Mom started yelling to me to run, he was on his way to my house.  With that, I hung up the phone and ran out the door.  I drove to a friends house an hour away.  I will never forget that drive and the fear I felt the entire time, continuously wondering if the car behind me was him.

The next morning, as I pulled into college I couldn’t wait to tell my friends how brave I was!  And then my heart dropped.  He was standing there waiting for me.  He had spent the entire night walking the 40 miles to my school.  My friends met me at my car, surrounded me and walked me in to my class.  As class started, I looked out the door and there he stood, glaring at me.  He stood there through that class, and the next two.  Eventually my Mom came to the school and he left.

I wish I could say it ended there.

Three days later he was admitted to a mental facility by his parents.  I was so relieved, he couldn’t hurt me while he was there.  The fear managed to reach through those walls, as he continually called me from there.  When he got out, the stalking began.  I was followed, I was chased, I was ran off the road, I had rocks spun all over my car and I cannot count the phone calls I received.  At one point he stopped at my house and recounted my entire previous weekend.

I will never forget the day I was home alone and he pulled in.  Thankfully, I already had all the doors locked.  Grabbing the phone, I hid under my bed and called my friend as he pounded on the door screaming for me to open it.  I prayed that he wouldn’t remember where our spare key was hidden.  I told my friend what he was doing, saying and driving so if anything DID happen to me, someone would know.  The fear seemed to swallow me in that moment.  The fear was so real, the moment so traumatizing, just thinking of it can take me back to that day.

A few months later I started dating my husband.  He told me about a night, before we met, where he had actually spoken to my ex.  He noticed that in the stalkers car, he had pictures of me taped to his dash.  When my husband asked him who I was, my stalker told him it was his girlfriend.  He then pulled a gun out from under his seat and showed him.  He said that if he ever found her with another guy he was going to shoot the guy, shoot her and then shoot himself.  Praise the Lord that never happened!  But just hearing what his plans were added to my fear and constant feeling of always have to look behind me.

Once I was married and had babies, the fear got worse.  It wasn’t just myself I needed to protect anymore, now I had two sweet babies I had to protect as well!

Fear had beaten me down and strangled the life from me.  I lived every day wondering if that was the day something horrible would happen.  The fear would appear out of nowhere, and a normal conversation would end with me in tears.  Many days I felt defeated by fear.  Every time the phone rang my heart would plummet and my stomach would churn.  I wasn’t living my life to the fullest, fear was running my life.  That’s what fear does.  It strangles, paralyzes, crushes and shatters.  It grips our soul and snatches every dream.  What once was the joy of the Lord somehow becomes replaced with hopelessness.  Fear encourages us to give up and accept the misery of existence versus the excitement of a God-led pursuit.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Many of us struggle with fear, allowing it to take our voice and strangle us.  There are still times when I struggle with fear.  Yet, Jesus paid for us to have a life full of joy, free from fear and worry.  How do you overcome fear that, to you, isn’t irrational at all?  Overcoming abuse, and the fear that it created, has felt to me harder than overcoming a fear of the dark or my totally irrational fear of spiders.  As we all know though, with God all things are possible!

I find great comfort that Jesus understands abuse.  He suffered great abuse and even death to give us life.  I’m sure He understands the fear and scars that abuse leaves behind.

It’s important to know that fear didn’t come from the Lord.  Fear was given to us by Satan as a way to keep us distracted and off course for the plans the Lord has for us.  Satan deliberately exploits our fears.  He knows when our eyes are on our fears, they can’t be firmly planted on God.

In Psalm 119:105 we’re told His word is like a lamp to our feet, and a light to our path.  Light always overcomes the dark!  Surround yourself with God’s word, like your favorite fluffy blanket you snuggle in to watch TV, we can find absolute comfort in the words God wrote for our lives.  He wrote them to guide us and light our path.  Write verses on note cards and place them around your house.  Place them on your mirror, so you can read them every morning while you’re getting ready.  You could put them on your fridge, in your car, in your purse and anywhere else they’ll be visible to you throughout the day.  Here is a great list of verses for overcoming fear!

I think it’s important to note that “Fear not” or “Be not afraid” is said in the Bible 103 times.  But “Fear” is spoken of over 500 times.  Many times it’s saying “Fear God,” which really means reverence God alone and do not fear anyone or anything else.  If we expanded the search to look at verses encouraging us not to worry or not to be anxious it would add many, many more “Fear not” Scriptures.

Let your fears lead you directly to Jesus and lay them at His feet.  Continually take them there; daily, hourly or minute-by-minute if you need to.  In our fear, we find strength we never knew we had!  Strength from the One whose strength alone is all we need.  In our weakness, He is strong.  He loves to beautifully carry us through our darkest hours.  He puts it to rest so we can move forward.  In His grace and for His glory.

It’s not about not being afraid, but about trusting in a God who is greater than even our biggest fear and resting in His promise to “fear not”!