Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Ignite Intimacy | Design

couple kissing intimate holding sparklers

This weekly blog series is going to be on a subject that makes people squirm and blush, sex.  But it’s something I truly feel as the Body of Christ, we have got to stop hiding and start talking about.

Sex is hot topic today, am I right or am I right?  We live in a sexually saturated culture.  It’s everywhere, except where it matters most.  The loudest voice we hear about sex is the perverted one of the world that is exploited by the media.  The church as a whole seems to be so quiet on this subject.

When I was a teenager, one of my favorite things to do was sneak next door to my Grandmother’s house and either pour over boxes of old black and white photographs or find an old book and get lost in it.  I was so fascinated with the vintage “How To” books and how the advice changed throughout the years.  One book was from the late 1800s and was titled “Sex Life – The Pathway to Mental and Physical Perfection”.  I was obsessed with this book, as it had chapters and chapters on beauty treatments, beauty bath recipes, advice on what to look for in a man, etc.  While it was a book on “sex”, it was extremely vague.  I read one paragraph that made my naive teenage mind spin.  Intercourse should not be more frequent than every 3-4 months.  It was followed with a paragraph on how wives can get out of sex, and what excuses to use.

When I got married, I knew two things about marital sex:  the church said to wait until marriage and the book said you should only have intercourse every 3-4 months.  I knew nothing of Gods design for sex in marriage.

A few years ago, I spent some time reading every Christian sex book I could get my hands on.  I couldn’t believe what I was reading, and had a hard time wrapping my mind around it.  Things I never, ever knew about sex.

We should be talking as loudly, if not louder, than the world about this mysterious gift God gave his most beloved creation.  Sex is mind-blowingly incredible…and it’s because God purposefully made it that way.

I strongly feel the only way to arm our children with the tools to strengthen their marriage from the start is to talk honestly about the hard subjects.  And let’s be honest, there isn’t one much harder to discuss than sex.

This week we are going to focus on God’s design for sex and why He created it in the first place.

God created marriage and sex.  

God created Adam first.  Then God made a decision, that we see revealed in Genesis 2:18.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

God knew man needed a partner like him, but unique in her own way – a help meet.  When God creates Eve, He called her an “ezer kenegdo”.  Ezer translated in Hebrew means power and strength.  Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.  A beautiful way to translate ezer kenegdo together is lifesaver.  In every other instance of these words being used in the Bible, the person being described is God himself.  It’s used when you need Him to come through for you desperately.  God made for man a woman, a powerful counterpart, so that he wouldn’t be lonely.

The Bible goes on to tell us in Genesis 1:28 “God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” and in Genesis 2:24-25: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.  Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  

This is the beginning of marriage and sex as a part of marriage.  Y’all, the very first words God spoke to them was be fruitful and multiply.  Go have sex!  God designed them to go hand-in-hand together.

Sex as part of marriage was important to God.

Sex is one of the ways a man and a woman are bound together by God in a covenant relationship for life.  Let’s look at a few verses that reinforce this.

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:31

If you have ever wondered how important sex was to God’s heart, notice that He dedicated an entire book to a detailed, juicy exploration of the topic.  Find some time to read Song of Solomon 2:3-17 and Song of Solomon 4:1-7.  It’s steamy stuff!  The Song of Solomon is not an allegory.  It’s about a relationship between a husband and a wife.

One of the Christian sex books I read was Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus.  This book gives a verse-by-verse exploration of the Song of Solomon and shows that the secret to great sex in marriage begins with a servant heart.  To become servant lovers is something the authors are reminding us over and over throughout the entire book.  Even giving specific traits what servant lovers do compared to what selfish lovers do, and what we can do towards that goal of becoming one.  Highly recommend this book!

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 6:3

Oh, how I love that verse.  I love it enough that I have it tattooed on my back.  It just speaks volumes to me of love, belonging and intimacy.

God made sex good.

God created our marriage beds to be a place of red-hot, intimate, passionate connectedness.  He gave us the ability to enjoy sex even when we aren’t trying to make babies.  And hello, He created the orgasm.  He created sex for our pleasure.  And He made sex good!

The world says that us church folk are bound to have boring, predictable, missionary position only sex lives.  Y’all, don’t buy into that!  The University of Chicago did an exhaustive study in sexuality and found that the people who are having the most sex and who are the most satisfied happen to be conservative Christians in monogamous marital relationships.

Sex is an important part of marriage.  We’ll explore this more in the upcoming weeks, I know this is a highly sensitive subject and don’t want to make you squirm and blush too much the first week.

If you are married, here’s a challenge.  Explore sex.  Explore the fullness of it.  And pray for sexual intimacy with your spouse.

Make sure you join me again next week as we cover the topic “Why Wait?”.

A Proverbs 31 Bible Study {Week 8}

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Proverbs 31:23

For the past few weeks, we’ve learned so much about this beautiful woman.  Now we come to the point in the passage where we learn more about her husband.

This man is a man of respect, honor and influence.  As the Proverbs 31 woman works vigorously at home serving her husband and family, she frees her husband to sit at the city gate in a position of influence.  He doesn’t have to spend half his time trying to straighten out problems at home.  His wife and good home bring him honor in the community.  And his success in the social world comes partly from her support, just as her success comes partly from his support.

Business and legal matters were once settled at the city gate.  That is where where the courts of justice were kept, and causes heard and tried by the judges.  Cities did not waste money on bureaucracy and expensive buildings.  Wise men met at the city’s entrance, where they settled business conflicts, legal issues, and civic questions.  They also established contracts and enforced the criminal code.  It was a high honor, and it reflected business success and wisdom for a man to sit in the gate.  Fools were not allowed there.  The judges were the elders of the land, which the husband of the virtuous woman was one.  Part of the reason for his reputation is the jewel he married.

This noble woman is every man’s dream.  He has landed a wife that most men could only dream of landing!  Other men respect her virtue and loyalty to her husband, which can clearly be seen.  They know that this woman is a lady in the truest sense of the word.  She is an asset to her husband, and not a liability.  Her husband is well respected because of the wife’s testimony.  Her faithfulness and productivity provide the help that make ordinary men great and great men greater.  Others respected him for his blessing and wisdom in marrying such a woman.  You know the saying “behind every good man is a good woman.” and that is definitley the case here.

She’s an enabler in the best sense.  She enables her husband to be a man of influence outside their home.  Her husband to be a man of influence outside their home because of how well she runs their home.  Their marriage is a joint partnership, they are both helping each other to fulfill Gods desire for them.

As wives, we can have a huge influence over how the community views our husband.  It is so easy to get caught up in our own interests and desires, and easily lose sight of stepping in front of our husbands socially in a community of believers.  While the wife can be one who takes charge in certain things (business, tending to her household, etc.) it is the man who should clearly be the head of the household.  Even though submission can be hard, especially for this girl, we really need to make it a priority.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24

So this week, be an asset to your husband and try your best to learn what submission looks like in a Godly marriage.  Don’t forget to stop back next friday as we take a look at more virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman.

 

A Proverbs 31 Bible Study {Week 7}

She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Proverbs 31:22

So many of these verses we’ve studied focus on what she does for others.  This week we get to take a look at what she makes for herself and what she wears.  I think we’ll find that even those things are done for others, too.She pays special attention to the place where her family sleeps and spends many hours a night.  She makes special coverings for them.  Now, as I’ve said, I’m not friends with the sewing machine.  Not a single bit.  But I can still do my part.  It’s our job as Mama’s to make sure our family has clean sheets and a comfy special sweet spot to retreat to when the day is over.  Making our bedrooms beautiful and relaxing should be a delight!

Her clothing is silk and purple is not actually referring to “silk,” but “white linen” of very fine texture, and very costly.  The purple garments were brought from the Phoenician cities, and were highly esteemed.  The purple color was actually obtained from a species of shell fish found in the Mediterranean sea.  The shell was broken in order to give access to a small gland which was removed and crushed.  The crushed gland gives a milky fluid that becomes red or purple on exposure to the air.

I found that ‘Lydia’ in the New Testament was a seller of “purple” (Acts 16:14).  Also, the Old Testament speaks tremendously about the colors that were used in the Tabernacle.  Purple and white (in the form of bleached linen) were among those colors; as well as crimson (blue), scarlet (red), and gold.We got a little glimpse into her fashion, which I found fascinating.  We know from past weeks that she is humble, sacrificing and puts herself last.  But yet, she doesn’t neglect herself either.  She knows that how she dresses reflects on her husband.  Her appearance could affect her husband’s character, leadership and opportunities he’s given.  She knows that, and isn’t willing to allow her appearance to reflect badly on him.  She dressed in a way so it couldn’t be said she was over dressed or under dressed.

It’s so super easy, when we’re so overwhelmed with the many tasks of motherhood {a lot of them dirty and smelly} to forget about our own appearance and the gift that caring for ourselves can be to our husbands.  How you dress, as a wife, will either show honor and respect to your husband or disrespect.  And she knows her husband doesn’t want to come home to a frumpy wife every day.  We have to remember to take care of ourselves as well.  It’s easy to get caught up in taking care of everyone else and neglecting ourselves.   So this week, shave your legs and put on some makeup!

 Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
1 Timothy 2:9-10