Hey y’all! Thanks for joining me for our July Bible Study on Godly submission! I’m so excited about this! I did this study a few years ago and learned so much from it, I’m super excited to go through it again with you!

Submission is a word that holds many definitions among the world. Offensive, not acceptable, inferior, controlling and not politically correct are among the few. But yet, It’s something we, as Christian wives, are called to do.

First, let me share my story…

As a woman who spent her entire life striving to be viewed as strong and independent, the thought of being submissive to anyone, let alone my husband, scared me to death. And I have to say, at first it made me angry. So angry that I completely rebelled against it and refused it. Yep, I was a child rebelling against what my Father had not only told, but commanded me to do.

Are you serious Jesus? Um, hello…I’m Amy…the girl that took the words “honor and obey” out of her vows for a reason! And now you want me to be submissive to my husband? Seriously? (On a quick side note, completely embarrassed and mortified that I actually took that out of my vows. What in the world was my 20 year old mind thinking?)

And He answered loud and clear…”YEP”

Wow, okay…deep breaths, I can do this…

Definition of submission: The word SUBMIT, according to Strong’s Lexicon is the Greek word hupotaso which was originally a Greek military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, of cooperating, of sharing a burden. In other words, when the word submit is used in the Bible, it refers not only to a yielding and obedient attitude of the heart, but also, and equally importantly, to an attitude of co-operation and support. Without co-operation and support, things just don’t work the way they should.

What is submission? Submission is the acceptance of God’s order for our lives. As wives, we are to submit to Christ and submit to our husbands. Submission by a wife is to be voluntary. It’s part of our obedience to the Lord. There aren’t conditions to this submission either. We are called to submit to our husbands, even if we feel they don’t deserve it. We are to trust in their leadership, even if we don’t agree with it and submit to them even if we feel they aren’t meeting their roles.

Christian marriage is intended to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. Let me say that again, because it blew my mind when I first learned it. Our marriage was designed specifically to mirror our relationship between Christ and His church. We are acting out a living parable where husbands represent Christ and wives represent the church to bring glory to God and to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way. Does that change the way you look at marriage? It sure did with me. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like.

A marriage with Godly submission should be a faithful, intimate and loving relationship. Boy, doesn’t that sound like a far cry from what the world tells us submission is?
So it turns out submission isn’t a sign of weakness, like this silly girl thought all along, it’s a sign of respect! And of course I want to honor and respect my husband, I love him.

What submission is not: Submission is not abusive. God does not want women to be submissive to abusers. As wives, we have to be confident of our husband’s goodwill. Remember, the command to wives to submit to their husbands is followed by the command to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). In cases of abuse, there is a mighty need for an intervention and Godly counsel. If you are in an abusive relationship, I would urge you to reach out tofocus ministries. It’s a Biblical based non-profit organization that offers counseling by phone, email, or in person. They want you to know you aren’t alone and you are oh so valuable to God!!!

Submission also shouldn’t be used for leverage. Submission absolutely comes with no strings attached. It is a heart desire to please God and do what is best for your family. I mean really, what wife doesn’t want to live in peace? Don’t we all desire that? There is such an inner peace that comes from living in harmony with our husbands while obeying God.

As women, we are quite good at knowing how to manipulate our husbands to get them to do what we want. Oh come on girls, we all know we’ve done it at one time or another. That is definitely not submission. And it’s something we should never, ever do.

Chuck Swindoll said this about submission:

Webster says that manipulation means “to control or play upon by unfair or insidious means, especially to one’s own advantage or to serve one’s own purpose.” In other words, secret manipulation is an unfair, insidious technique that results in getting what one wants. When handled cleverly, a wife can substitute secret manipulation for a quiet, submissive spirit. 

Why is submission so hard? And why is this so hard for me? It’s from a lack of surrender. Because I am, by nature, a controller. That controlling nature is nothing more than pride and sin bubbling to the surface. And the thoughts of not having control over a situation scares-me-to-death. But I believe God’s advice and His will to be the best for my life. Even if I don’t fully understand it, I trust Him. With that being said, I somehow had to figure it out because I don’t want to live my life is disobedience. So I asked God to teach me what it means.

Often we wives are afraid of losing control (and by “we wives” I really mean this wife right here) and WE get in the way of creating the marriages we ache for. You know, the one where we have a strong, confident, Godly man, who loves us like Christ loves the church. I know this girl certainly wants that type of marriage.

So this week, be an asset to your husband and try your best to learn what submission looks like in a Godly marriage. Don’t forget to stop back next Friday as we take a look at the beauty of submission. Remember, keep your eyes on Him!

It’s not very often I write a blog post specifically for men. It’s kinda strange but I’m actually super excited {and a little nervous} to share Gods marriage design with you as well!

Three times in this passage of Scripture God commands you as a husband to do something specific: love your wife.

While your wife is instructed to submit, you are instructed to love your wife. Not just kinda sorta love her, but love your wife as Christ loved the church. Paul does not tell you in this passage to rule over your wife. You are never told, “make sure your wife knows you’re in authority over her or show her who’s in charge.” Instead God tells you three times to love your wife.

Love her.

God’s command to love your wife involves more than just acting in love when you feel emotionally or physically close to your wife. God doesn’t tell you to love your wife just when she is being affectionate and loving to you. He doesn’t say to love your wife only when you feel she is deserving of it. And it doesn’t say to withhold love when she’s sassy {thank goodness}. God commands: cherish your wife. Have affection for your wife. Love her.

Guys, let your wife know how much she means to you. Tell her. Tell her over and over again. Write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it. Believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know. And she’ll more than likely shed a few tears. Give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work. Just hold her in your arms. From a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening. And I betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want!

How did Jesus ultimately show His love the church? He died to establish it. Wow… I know, right. Are you willing to do that? You are also to love your wife more than you love yourself. In reality, Christ is asking you to put your wife’s needs before your own. What makes that difficult is our own selfish hearts. It doesn’t help that you have the world in your ear, telling you that you are entitled to put your own needs first. And if you don’t…well then you’re either a sissy, hen-pecked or really foolish.

Submission can’t be forced, ever. Trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful. It doesn’t honor God or others. And it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage. Being controlling isn’t loving at all. If your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am I loving my wife as Christ loved the church?” If the answer is no, then I’d say that is something you need to work on. Work on your part and don’t worry about her part. Once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

A truly Christian marriage will mirror the relationship between Christ and his church. This mirroring will involve both the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife gladly submitting to her husband. The two elements, love and submission, are non-negotiable within the relationship. Both elements, love and submission are required for our marriages to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

So this week…guys, love on your wife. Hug her, kiss her, hold her, listen to her and just spend genuine quality time loving her.

When you mention the “s word” to the world, they are quick to voice their opinion. Why are you so stupid? The world will tell you that you are equal to men, not beneath them. Women like you make us look weak. You should be expressing your opinion, not silencing it. You should be calling the shots, not letting him lead. Your marriage should be 50/50, that’s only fair. Don’t be a doormat.

But ultimately, what matters is your following Gods word. Not the world’s opinion.

So, let’s travel back to the beginning of the Bible and read a few key verses that directly tie in to submission.

I think we all agree that God created Adam first. Then God made a decision, that we see revealed in Genesis 2:18

As you can clearly see, it doesn’t say I’m going to make man someone to rule over him, someone to sass at him or someone to disrespect his every decision. It says “make him a help meet”. So, what exactly is a help meet? It carries the meaning of aid, succor, one who helps. Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has spent years translating the book of Genesis. He translates it “sustainer beside him”. When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

Boy, that sure sounds different than what the world would define “help meet” as, doesn’t it?

God created woman from man’s rib, brought her to the man and they became husband and wife. In Genesis 2:17, before Eve existed, God has given Adam some instruction.

And what do we see Eve do next?

Oh, Eve. Why? Then she gave it to Adam, and he took a bite too. Yikes. So we see clearly that Eve took the first bite then gave it to Adam. So she sinned first, right? But in Romans 5:12 we see that “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin”. But, how did sin first enter the world through one man, when the woman was the first to sin?

What we see is the first picture of headship. Adam was who God gave the instruction to. Adam was responsible for his and Eve’s sin. I’m going to tell y’all, if i was Adam I would have been a little irked at Eve.

So did Eve get off scott free? Aahhhhhh, not so much. When we look at Genesis 3:16 we see God deal directly with the woman’s sin.

So you know all that pain during labor? Yep, thank-you-very-much-Eve.

The second part of the verse basically means you will want to rule over your husband but you won’t be able to. Why? Because God’s design for man was to be the head of the household.

And that, sweet ladies, is where marital strife was born.

We read it, roll our eyes, and say “oh no you didn’t, not this woman, this girl is not about to submit”. And we go on about our marriage. Having bouts of contention here and there. Years go by, the contention gets worse, and now we are irritated. Why can’t this marriage thing just be easy? Basically because there is a battle for leadership happening. Remember that sassy girl that said “oh no way” and had to honor and obey removed from her vows? Well she obviously wants HER opinion to he heard and HER ways followed. I mean, isn’t she entitled to that?

And I’m fairly sure most men don’t want their wives to rule over them ladies. Just sayin’.

And here is when we come right back to Ephesians 5. That is the only way to end this battle. Let’s look at all the verses.

And when you live an Ephesians life, your marriage will look different to the world. That sure doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I think there is a pivotal point when we need to decide who we want our marriage to glorify, the world or God.

The key is that when you are in an intimate relationship with Christ – when you have fully surrendered yourself to Him and desire Him and find your life in Him alone – then obedience to God’s commands is a joy and delight. And yes, even submission can be a joy. When you are convicted to obey Him, His words will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom for you! And in turn, your life will bring glory to God. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

So this week, sit down with your husband and read over Ephesians. Talk about your marriage, your roles and who your marriage is glorifying. And go on a date, just because I love reconnecting with my love! Don’t forget to stop back next Friday as we take a look at the husband’s role in submission. Remember, keep your eyes on Him!