My Most Embarrassing Moment

I have four weddings to edit, countless other sessions as well, an uncooperative leg, a boy in school, a girl wanting her drivers permit, an egg eater somewhere in my coop and 3 sassy roosters that flog daily.  To say this week is stressful it putting it lightly. If there is one thing I could use right now, it’s a good laugh. So, let me take y’all back a few years…

My grandma was a patient in the hospital and I was staying overnight with her. She had a nice little sweet-as-pie roommate who we will call “Edna”. Edna was 91 years old and she was so sweet and soft-spoken. On this evening, Edna started getting a “new” IV antibiotic which made her start acting a little off. I should have thought something was up when Edna asked me if the yellow things on the floor were off the trees but…I let it go {mistake #1} I mean, if your 91 and you want to say a few CRAZY things I think you are entitled to.

Grandma fell asleep around 10, hallelujah.  I was sitting in the chair by the bed reading a magazine. Edna woke up and started crying so I scurried over to help her.  I wanted to help her and keep her from waking Grandma back up.  She didn’t know where she was or why she was there, which broke my heart. She was so super scared and asked for a drink of water. I walked around the bottom of the bed and poured her some water {mistake #2} When I went to hand it to her she screamed “get out of my house” and punched me in the face. Seriously, is this even real life?

During the day, Edna couldn’t hardly walk.  She certainly couldn’t walk on her own and had to use a walker.  She didn’t need her walker then, geesh, she chased me like she was a 20 year old spring chicken.

She chased me while yelling for the police, saying I was stealing her jewelry and money. Some where along the way she picked up her bed pan and hit me in the head with it. Repeatedly.  It was empty, thankfully.  At least I hope it was.  I kept thinking “a nurse is going to come running in and rescue me any time now“.  Nope.  I’m convinced they knew it was happening, but it was so entertaining they just hated to break it up. 

She chased me clear out into the hallway and a little ways down the hall.  Then the nurses came and got Edna, she kept telling them about the woman in her house stealing her jewelry and money. And I stood in the hall and cried my eyes out. I’m sure the nurses laughed like crazy about that one. Eye roll. Me, not so much of laughing. 

My clothes were soaked.  We’re going to say from the water she threw on me and not the other option, because I know that bedpan was empty.  Just go with it and humor me.  I had to go call my husband to bring me clothes.  So I go outside and call.

me:  Joe {sobbing uncontrollably}

him:  What’s wrong?  Is Grandma okay?

me:  Her roommate just hit me {more sobbing}

him:  What?  What roommate?  Edna?

me:  Yes, she thought I was stealing her jewelry or something.  She hit me with her bedpan.  And punched me in the face.

him:  Silence.  And quiet laughter.  

Then I thought I’d call my Mama.  Because you know if you want sympathy, you call your Mom!  Except that call went just about the same way.  And it ended with her saying “You know a 91 year old woman just kicked your butt”.  

Joe brought me clothes and Edna, bless her heart, was moved to a different room that was private.  And I settled into my chair-bed for the night and slept with one eye open.