A Lonely Battle

For 14 years I worked outside of the home.  I was the social butterfly of the office, flitting from desk to desk to chat.  This girl never was at a loss for words.  I was surrounded daily with friends, laughter and fellowship.  And I loved it.  I super loved it.  God gave this girl a craving in her heart for social connections.

When I became sick a few years ago and required multiple surgeries, I was eventually forced to make a difficult decision.  The answer was early retirement.  In that instant, my world changed.  I was walking into a new season in my life.  My social interactions would be now limited, more than I ever imagined.

At first the transition didn’t seem so bad.  I would still visit my old job and do my normal flitting around the office.  But through time, those visits got less and less.  Now they are virtually nonexistent.  I would fill the void with occasional “friend time” with non-work friends.  But that eventually got less and is now nonexistent as well.  Broken friendships.  Failed friendships.  Walls built.  Days spent only talking to my dog.  Lunches alone.  Walks alone.    

How is it even possible to be a lonely believer?  Sounds like such an oxymoron, doesn’t it?  I know that Jesus is my best friend, so how am I still lonely?  I have my husband and children.  I have my parents next door.  I have a Mama I talk to daily.  I have two dogs and two cats.  I have a life that boarders on crazy from time to time.  How is it possible among all of that for me to feel lonely?  Why does it make me feel guilty to even admit loneliness?

David, “a man after God’s own heart”, was lonely. In Psalm 25:16 he said to the Lord, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” David was lonely!  Wow, so a man after God’s own heart, a man who clearly wasn’t afraid of anything, was lonely and felt isolated.