sometimes i’m a {mean} girl

i know, hard to believe right…lol

seriously, sometimes i am a total mean girl

and it’s not something i’m proud of

if someone wrongs me (or my family and friends)

i can feel that fire starting inside

i’m sure some of you can relate to that

and before i really even know it that fire is burning out of control

i am fuming mad and spewing anger and hate everywhere

not a pretty picture

i’ve tried chanting inside my head “don’t get mad…don’t get mad”

but turns out that doesn’t really work for me

i’ve tried venting to others

but that just makes me more mad by rehashing it

i’ve tried not saying a word to anyone

but then it just builds up inside me and comes out at the wrong time, normally directed at some innocent bystander (sorry joe)

there is only one thing i’ve found that works for me

redirects me, comforts me and makes me pause

and that is prayer

in those first few seconds of prayer

i can feel the fire dying down

my breathing going back to normal

and then i pray for the person that made me angry

pray for myself to have patience

and pray for guidance in the situation

then suddenly, as quick as it started, the “mean girl” is gone

i’ve realized through much (and i do mean MUCH) prayer in these situations

that i have a choice to make

i don’t HAVE to get angry

i might not be able to control the other person

but i can control how i react to them

i don’t have to let them steal my happiness

the choice is MINE

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

out for now

~kisses

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